Little Squirrels Can Climb Tall Trees, Michael Murphy [best books to read for self development .txt] 📗

“Y’all coming back to bed?” he asked, innocently, perhaps.

“No,” I said.

“I promise not to molest you,” Mano said. Then he looked at Kyle and added, “Him I’m not so sure about. Him I could hump into oblivion.”

“That’s always been my reaction,” I agreed.

“Hey!” Kyle complained. “No one is humping me anywhere! I’m barely into doing two-ways! I don’t do three-ways. Thank you both very much!”

“And what’s wrong with me?” I asked, suddenly noticing that I’d been passed over on the sexual smorgasbord.

“Nothing, darling. You’re very handsome, very cute with a tight, hot body—for an old man. But you were right—he does have a monster dick. Can you blame a guy for wanting to ride that big horse in the rodeo?”

“I am not a horse!” Kyle protested.

“You’re hung like one, darling. Now come back to bed. I need my beauty sleep.”

The look on Kyle’s face was so precious! He looked like he didn’t know if he should be flattered or offended. Mano took advantage of the momentary quiet and closed his eyes.

I didn’t take being called an old man easily—by someone else, that is. I was so perturbed by the sight of Mano relaxed in the bed that I simply walked up to the man, yanked the covers off him, grabbed one of his legs, and pulled him out of the bed. Once I had him on the floor, I sat on his chest and tickled him relentlessly. If Mano had not just been to the bathroom, he probably would have peed himself, he laughed so hard.

When I felt that I had exacted an appropriate amount of revenge, I stood up. “Looks like the old man just kicked your butt!”

Gleefully I threw myself onto the bed, leaving Mano on the floor. Mano, though, was an equal match for me in terms of persistence. While I was on the bed thinking that I had the upper hand, Mano grabbed Kyle and pulled him down to the floor so that Kyle was lying on top of him.

“Hey! Hands off! He’s mine!” I warned.

“You threw me on the floor and didn’t leave me a blanket. I had to find some way to stay warm. I’m just improvising. Oh, this is nice!” Mano said as he rubbed his hands over Kyle’s butt. “Oh, yeah, baby! You’re making me hard.”

“I don’t want to know!” Kyle said, breaking loose and returning to his feet.

“You sure?” Mano asked, stroking his penis, which was remarkably getting a bit larger as he became erect.

I looked over the edge of the bed and said, “Okay, dude, I’ve got to ask. Your dick is big. Admirably big. Flagpole big.”

“Thank you. And your question?”

“Do you feel a bit light-headed when you walk around because so much blood flow is diverted from your brain to your dick?”

“Joseph!” Kyle apparently couldn’t believe what I was asking.

“What? I want to know! Don’t you want to know? I mean, look at the thing,” I said, gesturing toward Mano’s crotch. “I know horses that would be jealous of this man!”

“Oh, Joseph! That’s got to be the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me!”

“Really, dude?”

“Yes.”

“You have got to get a better class of boyfriends. What is it about all of you gorgeous, smart men to leave you with such tiny, fragile egos?”

“Huh?”

“You sound just like Kyle did before I got to work on him. My boyfriend is freaking awesome, and I’ve made it my mission in life to persuade him of that fact. I mean, look at the man! On surface appearance alone, he’s gorgeous. But I fell in love with his brain right along with his body. He knocked me over with that killer smile. And his intelligence is just off the freaking charts. But do you know that when we met, he didn’t see that? Can you believe it?”

“Joseph,” Mano said calmly, “I’m lying on the floor of your hotel room with a hard-on while you’re telling me about your boyfriend. Do I look like the walking, talking poster child for self-confidence?”

“To some degree, yes. I mean, you are basically jerking off in front of two strangers?”

“Well, hell, that’s nothing. I can’t count the number of times I’ve jerked off in front of strangers. Strangers are some of my best friends. It’s the intimacy that gives me trouble. I can strut around and pretend I’m confident and know what the fuck I’m doing, but believing it is something else entirely. People seem to admire my body—I don’t entirely know why—but since they seem to, I’ve learned to use that tool. When all somebody wants is to suck your dick or have you fuck them, it saves me from having to talk to them and expose how insecure I am.”

“Dude!” I yelled. “You’re as fucked up as Kyle was before I got to work on him.” Turning my attention upward to my boyfriend, I said, “Kyle! What are you?”

“In love with you,” he said.

I knew Kyle was toying with me. I rolled my eyes. “Absolutely true. And what else are you?”

“I am an awesome man!”

“Damned straight!” I yelled in encouragement.

“Who’s the man?”

“I am!”

“Who’s the awesome man?”

“I am!” Kyle yelled back.

“Who’s my awesome man?”

“I am!” Kyle yelled even a bit louder.

“I’m pleased for you, guys, but if you wake up the other guests, they’re gonna call security and have your asses tossed out of here. Joseph, kiss that man. Kyle, kiss that man. Maybe that will shut the two of you up and let me get a little more sleep… all alone, here in the dark, on the cold, lonely floor, all by myself, no blanket to cover my poor, scrawny little body.”

Finding the closest thing at hand, I grabbed and threw a pillow at the man. “Dude! One, it’s not dark. Two, it’s seventy-five degrees in here. Three…. Oh just shut up and get into the fucking bed.”

Kyle objected. “Excuse me!”

“You too.”

“Oh, goody!” Mano said. “A three-way.”

“No three-way. We’re just going to lie here while you get back to sleep, and then we’re going to go find