Gifting Fire, Alina Boyden [books to read for self improvement .txt] 📗

escape?” I asked, looking up at him with tears streaking my face and blurring my vision. “Shall I try to sneak to the zahhak stables with my sisters? I’d only have to pass through two courtyards filled with servants and guards, after all. Child’s play for someone like me,” I scoffed.

“Or shall I try to kill you?” I suggested, encompassing with a gesture the way his body engulfed my own, the way he towered over me. I nodded to the firangi he wore at his hip. “I killed a sleeping guardsman once with my katars, so I’m sure killing you barehanded would take me no effort at all.”

“Razia . . .” Karim sighed.

“Or maybe I’ll send messages to my allies through all the loyal servants and courtiers I have in this palace,” I said. “And I’ll bide my time and wait while all the maharajas of Registan rise up to fight a bloody battle in defense of a hijra who helped Bikampur once. I’m sure they’ll be appearing on the horizon any day now to rescue me, when my own father wouldn’t do the same.”

Karim shifted uncertainly, my words having some effect.

“Is it a crime to not know what to do, your highness?” I asked him. “Because if it is, then I’m guilty, but that is the only thing I’m guilty of.”

He held me close to him, one hand pressed against my lower back, the other stroking my hair gently.

“Four years . . .” I whispered.

“What?” he asked.

“That’s how long I spent living as a whore in Bikampur.” I buried my face in his chest, my body shaking with genuine sobs. “Where were my brilliant plans then?”

“Forget about all that. You’re safe here now,” he said, with none of the bitter irony I felt on hearing those words. “I’m sorry that I’ve been so suspicious, but how can you blame me with the way you acted in Shikarpur?”

“I loved Arjun, that’s all,” I told him, careful to use the past tense. “I’ve never made a secret of that.”

“But you expect me to believe that you don’t anymore?” he asked, sounding completely unconvinced.

“Of course I do,” I replied. “But I love my sisters more. Keeping them safe has always been the most important thing. I’m not going to get Sakshi and Lakshmi killed over a man. And even if I wanted to, I can’t. You and my father have made sure that there are no options left open to me. So, I’m going to do my best to survive, like I always have. And maybe that’s not the honorable thing to do, maybe it makes me pathetic, and weak, but you were counting on it, weren’t you?”

“I don’t think your talent for survival makes you weak and pathetic,” Karim said. “It’s the reason I wanted you to be my wife.”

“Well, I’m sorry to be such a disappointment, your highness,” I told him. “I know you must have been expecting some brilliant plan to overthrow you. I’m sorry I couldn’t deliver it.”

He gave a snort of laughter. “I forgive you.”

“Thank you, Karim,” I said, my voice softening with feigned relief, my body sagging a little against his, like the tension was finally draining out of it.

He kissed me on the top of my head. “You should get some sleep, my wife-to-be. These past few days have been trying for all of us.”

“I’ll do that,” I lied.

He stroked my hair one last time, and then let me go. “I’ll be back in the morning.”

“Thank you for being kind to me, your highness,” I replied.

His mustache quivered as his lips offered me the briefest of pitying smiles. “You’re welcome, Razia.”

I waited until I was sure he was gone before sighing with genuine relief and wiping at my face to clear away the tears.

“Well, you had me convinced,” Hina quipped as she joined me on the balcony. With Sikander watching Lakshmi’s chambers, she and her celas were my makeshift guards now.

“Good,” I said. “He’s not a complete idiot. His suspicions won’t be banished by one conversation, so we have to make sure he never gets wind of our plans.”

“Which means no one can see you tonight,” Hina warned.

“I’m aware,” I said, and I managed to smile in spite of everything. “I’m accustomed to that kind of danger anyway. When I used to steal from clients for the dera, I was always risking execution.”

“Well, here it’ll be our necks on the line,” she reminded me.

“I know,” I said, looking her right in the eyes to show her the determination in my own not to fail her. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t fulfill my promises the way I meant to, but I’m not going to let you down. We will get through this.”

“Let’s get you ready, then.” She motioned for me to follow her back into my bedchamber, where her celas were waiting for me with fresh clothes and a very interesting pair of slippers.

Hina handed me the shoes, saying, “We managed to reinforce the soles the way you asked, but I’m not sure if they’re going to be very comfortable to wear, or if they’ll even work.”

I examined them, noting the subtle curve to them, the stiffness in the toe and the arch of the foot, the reinforcement at the heel. They weren’t exactly proper climbing shoes, but they were far better than the soft slippers I was wearing. They wouldn’t be comfortable for walking long distances, but I could take them off while sneaking through the city and put them back on when I needed to climb something.

I slipped them over my feet with some effort, because they were tight, just like I’d asked for. “Where did you get the materials?”

“We asked Lady Asma for them,” Hina replied. “We said we needed to mend our clothes and our shoes, and she was happy enough to provide everything required.”

“Did she see you working on them?” I didn’t know if Asma understood climbing shoes, but I didn’t want to take any chances.

“No, we were careful,” Hina assured me.

I stood in my new shoes