Simply Feminine � Surprising Insights from Men, Wonderly, Morgan [best ereader manga txt] 📗

seems counterintuitive; femininity in the same sentence as men appears paradoxical.

I’ve found that we have many false notions about what men find to be feminine. We develop our beliefs about femininity from our mothers, sisters, girlfriends, women’s magazines, and the media. Rarely, if ever, do we learn femininity from men. We think we already know what men find feminine, so we haven’t bothered asking them. After all, what do men know about femininity anyway? They’re just guys, right? Well, I discovered that they actually know a lot.

Whether or not they verbalize it, men know what’s feminine. They do not consciously analyze, choose, or decide what’s feminine; instead, their biology tells them. Men do know what’s feminine because they know what attracts them. Mother Nature made our femininity for their masculinity. In other words, it’s our femininity that makes a man feel masculine.

We females often have mistaken ideas of what attracts men. If we want to attract and keep quality men, we need to be willing to let go of the notion that we as women alone hold the key to our femininity.

Men as the Beholders of Femininity

We women are often blind to our own allure to men. Because the eye cannot see itself, we don’t see our beauty in the same way that men do. It’s impossible. As with beauty, both inner and outer, femininity is in the eyes of the beholder. Since men are the beholders of our femininity, wouldn’t that make them experts on the topic, and wouldn’t it benefit us to learn what femininity is from their viewpoint?

Incidentally, although men know what attracts them to us, that does not mean they know all the particulars of our beauty products and services. For example, they don’t know the specific makeup brands, shades, techniques, hair-color products, and countless other details with which we concern ourselves. However, they do know what they like when they see it and experience it.

“Femininity is something I feel when I see it, although it’s sometimes difficult to define in words. It’s an ethereal presence that at once stirs and soothes the male soul. I do know that a soft, kind smile from a woman is pretty damn feminine.”

– Ken, business owner, Ventura, California

Men Don’t Notice Our Imperfections

Men find us more beautiful than we do ourselves. Instead of noticing what’s wrong, men see what’s attractive. For instance, men see our curves before they see our cellulite.

We females, however, notice every imperfection. We expertly critique every detail of our hair, outfit, nails, makeup, and shoes. Because we are so hard on ourselves, we assume that men notice the same imperfect details. However, just as men don’t notice their socks lying in the middle of the floor, they don’t observe our imperfections—unless we call attention to them. We often make the mistake of redirecting a man’s attention away from our feminine beauty onto flaws we’re self-conscious about—flaws that a man would never have noticed if we had not pointed them out. While our female brains focus on what needs to improve or change, men’s brains focus on what’s feminine and alluring. We are far better off when we appreciate the positive feminine qualities that we already have in abundance, as opposed to being our own worst critics and finding an endless parade of real or imagined defects.

A Story of My Brother

When my brother Paul visited me in San Diego some years ago, he took photos of me at the beach. He later said that one photo in particular was the best picture he’d ever seen of me. But, when he showed me the photo, I didn’t like it at all, and I couldn’t understand why he loved it so much. My hair was blown back, revealing my high forehead and dark roots, and I felt my smile was too broad and gummy.

My brother was a perfectionist in photography, so I couldn’t imagine why he picked that photo. But now, years later, I can finally appreciate the beauty he saw. Despite the glaring imperfections I observed, my brother saw a natural, happy girl with a genuine, unabashed smile. For him, my inner radiance outshined any “imperfections.”

This story illustrates how men see our beauty differently than we do. They see our beauty when we often don’t.

Men of all ages tell me that they see something beautiful in every woman, even if a woman is not their type. Finding women beautiful seems to be woven into their DNA. Women should feel relieved and happy that men notice and admire the simply feminine things we take for granted: our curves, our colors, our curls, our eyes, our smiles, and our hips. These features of ours are quite mesmerizing to them, even though we put little effort or expense into them.

Men Hold Femininity in High Regard

One man in Lake Tahoe told me,

“If women fully realized their worth as feminine beings to men, it would completely change the way they see themselves. Their self-esteem would soar. Women would begin to value their natural femininity like never before.”

Contrary to popular stereotypes, men don’t see femininity as less valuable than masculinity. In fact, men are far more “feminine-friendly” than we are. Good men view women as different but equal to them—not inferior to them. Most men hold femininity in high regard as a strength. When we operate from our feminine energy, men adore us, honor us, and want to care for and protect us. They value and respect our femininity because nothing in the world can take its place.

A healthy man is not attracted to subservient doormats. A woman with low self-esteem has little to contribute to his life. She drains his energy while he tries to prop her up. Men don’t seek women who are mere decorations without opinions of their own. Only a highly insecure man would seek a woman with such low self-esteem, no matter her looks. Being soft and tender is not the same as being a doormat. When we offer our feminine tenderness to a man