Time Jacker, Aaron Crash [most important books of all time txt] 📗

was drinking black coffee, only it was definitely spiked with something. From the smell, it was Kahlua. “Two hell keys,” Bailey said. “One to get us in, and one to get us out. And we want to snatch Annie before Duke Tanichron gets her. We don’t want to fight the duke. Trust me. He might have a tiny dick, but he also has the powers of hellish royalty.”

“So who has hell keys? And are there heaven keys?” Jack asked.

“No. Heaven is locked up tight.” Gabby giggled. Her eyes were bright and shiny blue, and not a hair was out of place on her head. She wore a navy-blue business suit now. “As for hell keys, you should ask Bailey. I think she has a plan.”

Bailey made a motion in the air, and she suddenly had her double-headed war pick with the long chain looped up on the handle. “This is my demon’s tooth. All of hell’s children are born with weapons attached to our souls. I can use those weapons to forge hell keys. Problem is, we’ll have to kill the demons they belong to. You up for that, Jack?”

“Killing demons?” He shrugged. “That sounds like something I can do. But will I need the Eternity Cannon?”

“We’ll take it. Though Gabby is our real weapon. She was literally made to slay demons. However, we have to keep her safe from the Exoria banishment spells.” Bailey retrieved a pack of cigarettes.

“Where can we find demons?” Jack asked.

Bailey drew a cigarette out of the pack with her very red lips. Her eyes flashed black and the end ignited. “We go where people sin.”

Gabby exhaled loudly. “Yes, that all sounds very dramatic, but wrongdoing shouldn’t be too hard to find. Humans are always getting themselves in trouble. But I guess sometimes trouble finds them. Like with Annie, and what happened to her. Or Evelyn Mundi and her son. I’m very curious about them.”

“You’re gonna adore Evelyn, Feathers. She loves to eat pussy. Like, almost too much, you know?” The demon squinted as if she wanted an answer.

Gabby blushed. “No, I don’t know. Oral sex can be a beautiful thing. There’s no reason to make it dirty.”

“That’s just it. Evelyn was so dirty when she made me come. It was hot...a little creepy...but that made it hotter.”

Gabby shot to her feet. “And now we’re leaving. We can buy a breakfast sandwich somewhere and get on with our day!”

Jack had to laugh a little at that. “Fine, Gabby. Let me just shower, and we’ll hit the pavement. We have a big day ahead. Killing demons and what have you.”

It wasn’t long before they drove away. Jack drove, Bailey rode shotgun, and Gabby was in the back, like normal.

For kicks, he pulled up his matrix.

<<< SEPTUA SANCTUS >>>

Level: 2

Current Kairos: 200/200

Current Corpus: 200/200

Current Nefesh: 200/200

Current Ijjinaya: 200/200

Current Psyche: 200/200

Current Morpheum: 200/200

Current Decaysia: 190/200

Special abilities:

Potential Auxiliary Storage: 25/100

Aeterna Kalpa Olam

Hosted Synchronization

Septua Conversion and Transfer

<<< SEPTUA SANCTUS >>>

Since yesterday, his stats had all maxed out, which made sense since he’d slept, he was happy with his life, and he’d had a good dinner of protein the night before. It was interesting that his Decaysia was low, and he wondered if that was why he was feeling better.

He also found that the Kairos he had in his auxiliary storage was still there. It seemed he might be able to bank up that power. They might have to go Fug hunting before their trip to hell.

Jack remembered how the Clockwatcher had called him a godling. Having extra time really was a gamechanger. If they had trouble making the hell keys out of demon weapons, he could also freeze reality to give them more time.

Gabby caught his eyes in the rearview mirror. “I know you have Meriton’s horn, and I know you’re going to sell it to that nice Austrian man.”

“Hiney Heinrich?” Bailey laughed. “He loves ass. Girl ass, just to be clear.”

Gabby wasn’t going to be distracted. “I don’t like it, Jack, but I understand that currency is a part of your life on Earth. And I like that Pinetree is going to get money. His bar is very soulful. There are some places that serve alcohol that are rotting away, full of Decaysia. Pinetree’s isn’t like that. He does a lot of counseling. There is a lot of love between his regulars. It’s sweet.”

“And fucking Meriton is dead, and we have his shit.” Bailey checked her hair in the sun visor’s mirror. “I’m getting better at my womanly primping. It’s so fun to have this body for so long.”

“Super fun,” Gabby agreed. “So, Jack, you don’t have to worry. I just hope we can do good with this money.”

“That’s the plan.” Jack threw the angel a smile.

“We could tithe ten percent to charity,” Gabby offered.

Bailey shook her hand at the angel. “We could buy homeless women vibrators. Sure. But hold up, Feathers. I have a question for Jack. Hey, Jack, you see your mother, right?”

“Yeah, why?” he asked.

Bailey shrugged. “Mother energy is powerful. Have you ever had a tattoo? I mean, other than the toy soldier, which we should really thank the Clockwatcher for. No, wait. We fucked him over. No thanking that shit stain.”

“Do you have to curse?” the angel complained.

Bailey thought for a minute. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

“No tattoos,” Jack said. “I grew up pretty clean-cut. Until, you know, the world got its hooks into me.”

“I feel that.” Bailey raised her fist, and he bumped it.

“The world is beautiful,” Gabby insisted. “And life is difficult, but it has a fragile beauty. This moment in the timestream, all of us together, united in a common purpose, it’s glorious. And meeting Heinrich last night was fate. This is all fate.”

The sex demon was not having any of that. “Fuck fate. The world is shit. Human life ends. Happy or sad, it ends.”

They stopped at a McDonald’s for a quick breakfast, which they ate in the parking lot. Gabby had orange juice and carrots from the kids’ menu, since