Peaces, Helen Oyeyemi [best life changing books TXT] 📗

Though as Laura later pointed out, even if Ava had believed us, what could she have done about it? She still couldn’t see the fucker. And she’d already written that trying to behave as if he was visible to her hadn’t worked at all.

Once all four of us were unbound, Laura hobbled over to the kitchen table for her walkie-talkie. After minutes of white noise, she asked Ava: “But where are they, the maintenance team?”

“They said something about going for a walk along the coast. Understandably, they didn’t like you kicking them off the train without telling them why.”

“OK, but. The entire maintenance team?”

“It’s a close-knit crew, Laura.”

First aid kits were fetched out of a cupboard, tea was drunk, and strategies were signalled with our eyes. From the lounge area, Yuri surveyed us with—well, the diving mask obscured his expression. But he gave a grunt of contentment. Plus, wetsuits reveal all: he had a hard-on.

Ava watched us too. She watched as we gingerly rotated our ankles and jiggled our fingers. She was no longer annoyed with us—in fact I think it’s not an understatement to say that she looked miserable.

The two mongooses followed Ava into her sleeping compartment. Allegra showed every sign of wanting to go with them … to the extent that she began to crawl in that direction on her hands and knees. But Xavier whispered to her that she should just wait for the maintenance team. And then Ava, not in bed after all, began to play “For Přemysl at Night.”

She played it differently; this time the notes were granular and we heard them as hordes. A furore in the soil that buried us alive. Still, we sank with our arms wrapped around each other. Allegra, Laura, Xavier, and me. The less Ava liked us as a “we,” the tighter our hold. After a couple of moments, Allegra said: “Ow.” There were several issues her “ow” could have been addressing, but her main one was that Laura’s walkie-talkie was digging into her back.

Ava stopped playing.

“What’s that? What are you whispering among yourselves?” she called out.

“Nothing, Ava. Sorry.”

A scratchy silence followed, and for a few minutes it seemed as if Ava was going to leave that silence exactly as it was. She put on a sleeping mask. I saw this reflected in the carriage window across from her cabin, and it struck me as ominous. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to articulate reasons …

Partly it was Ava’s expression. The grim line her mouth was set in as she pulled the silk down over her closed eyelids. Partly it was Yuri’s reaction from his ringside seat, the way he rubbed his hands together. After about a minute just sitting quietly with her hands on her thighs, Ava elevated her arms and played from memory, beginning all over again.

A jumble of inner and outer matters followed: The clack of the exterior door as maintenance team members tried to access the carriage from the platform. Ava concluding her performance and walking blindfolded through our midst as we struggled upright, too timid to satisfy our craving to catch at her clothing. With the exception of Laura, we murmured, “Beautiful … Ava, that was really beautiful …” I remember wondering, mid-grovel, why we were being like this, but from this point in time I think we already knew what had just happened and were hoping against hope that it could be remedied.

The maintenance team redoubled their knocking efforts, but Ava stopped halfway to the exterior door and turned in our direction. “Guys?” she said. Her hands went to the sleeping mask, then she scowled. “What now? They ran off while I was playing?”

“Ms. Kapoor,” Laura said, in a very loud and very firm voice. “We were here listening, Ms. Kapoor. I assure you I would have run away if I had the strength.”

“Rude,” Ava said. “So fucking rude.”

We relaxed. Until she called out to us again. “Guys? Seriously? I’m giving you three seconds to answer me. I don’t feel like playing hide-and-seek right now. Three …”

Yuri sniggered. “Ah, so this is how it happens,” he said, getting up and walking over to Ava. He turned so he was facing us, just as Ava was.

“Two,” Ava said.

We bellowed in unison, at the top of our lungs:

“AVAAAAAAAAA …”

“MS. KAAAAAPOOOOOOOOR …”

Allegra Yu didn’t join us. She looked out of the window, in a trance, as if we were already on our way home.

“One.”

Ava lifted the sleep mask, and Yuri said: “Ciao, bambini. You’re all screwed.” That was the last we saw or heard of him. A very literal “missed his departure whilst blinking” situation.

We shouted and waved (somewhat feebly) as Ava walked backward, checking her sleeping compartment. Two sleeping mongooses in there, but that was all. She checked Laura’s compartment, and Allegra’s, even moving the pillows around on the beds. Several times her eyes met ours directly, but no, no sign of recognition, nothing.

“For fuck’s sake, Ava …”

“AVA, PLEAAAAASE. Please!”

“Four years we’ve lived together, Ms. Kapoor. Four years.”

“I’d have heard it if they’d left … I’d have heard it, wouldn’t I?” she said, flopping down on the ground next to Allegra.

Silently, Allegra turned to her. They almost bumped noses. Silently, Allegra took in Ava’s face, her gaze falling like a wave of honey. A leave-taking look. Ava kissed her; then, as the pounding at the platform door grew frantic, she jumped up to let the maintenance team in.

Allegra stood up too: “Wh—Ava? You can—?”

Ava gave her the smile. The really very wonderful smile. “I can what?”

She could, and she did. She’d unseen us. But not Allegra.

Why didn’t I (or Laura, or Xavier) force bodily contact? Why didn’t one of us tap Ava on the shoulder, for instance, or stand in her path and insist that she take notice of us? We didn’t dare to. As for why we didn’t dare … you wouldn’t have either! Suppose your finger passed through the shoulder you’d presumed to tap, straight through, as if