Captain Jinks, Hero, Ernest Howard Crosby [free e books to read TXT] 📗

them, but they’ll have their pension days all the rest of their lives to remind them of it, four times a year.”

“Who are going to take part in the procession?” asked Cleary.

“They’re going to have all the military companies and patriotic societies of these parts,” answered Reddy, “and then the firemen too of course; but they won’t amount to much, for most of them are in the societies, and they’d rather turn out in them.”

“What societies are there?” said Cleary.

“Oh, there’s the Grandsons of the Revolution and the Genuine Grandsons of the Revolution, and the Daughters of Revolutionary Camp-Followers and the Genuine Daughters, and then the Male Descendants of Second Cousins of Heroes, and the Genuine Male Descendants, and the Connections by Marriage of Colonial Tax-Collectors, and then the Genuine Connections, and a lot of others I can’t remember.”

“The names seem to go in pairs,” said Cleary.

“Well, you see, they always have a fight about something in these military societies, and then they split, and the party that splits away always takes the same name and puts ‘Genuine’ in front of it. That’s the way it is.”

“I suppose these societies do a lot of good, don’t they?” asked Cleary. “These splits and quarrels remind me of the army. They must spread the military spirit among the people.”

“Yes, they do,” said the young man. “It’s what they call esprit de corps. If fighting is military, they fight and no mistake, and the women fight more than the men. I don’t know how many lawsuits they’ve had. Half of them won’t speak to the other half. But they’re all united on one thing, I can tell you, and that is in wanting to put down the Cubapinos.”

“That they are,” cried Reddy. “That’s why they call ’em ‘Patriotic Societies.’ It was our ancestors as fought for freedom that they made the societies for. Our ancestors were patriotic and fought for freedom oncet, and now we’re going to be patriotic and stick by the government just like they did.”

“Yes, they fought for freedom, that’s true. And what are the Cubapinos fighting for?” asked the young man.

“Oh, shucks!” cried Reddy. “I ain’t a-going to argher with you. What were we talking about? Oh, yes. We were saying that them societies fight together. They do fight a good deal, that’s a fact, and there’s no end of trouble in our militia battalion too. They all want to be captain, and they don’t get on somehow as well as the fire companies. But still it’s a fine thing to see all this military spirit. I didn’t see a uniform for years, and now you can’t hire a man to dig a ditch who hasn’t got a stripe on one leg of his trousers at any rate. Girls like soldiers, I tell you, and they like pensions too. I’ve just got married myself. My wife is seventeen. Now I’ve drawed my pension for nearly forty years, and she’ll draw it for sixty more if she has any luck; that’ll make over a hundred. That’s something like. Why, if one of these fellows is twenty now and marries a girl of seventeen when he’s ninety, and she lives till she’s ninety, they can keep drawing money for a hundred and fifty years, and no mistake. It’s better than a savings bank. Here they come!”

The procession had formed round the corner at the other end of the main street, and now the band began to play, and the column could be seen advancing. First the band passed with an escort of small boys running along in the gutter on either side. Then came two carriages containing the heroes, two in each. They held themselves stiffly and took off their hats, and no one would have supposed that they had drunk too much if the fact had not been universally understood by the public. Behind them came a line of other carriages in which were seated the magnates of the town, including the officeholders and the prominent business men. They all had that self-important air which is inseparable from such shows and which denotes that the individual is feeling either like a great man or a fool. Then came the militia battalion, a rather shamefaced lot of young men who seemed to be painfully aware that they were not at all real heroes like the soldiers in the carriages, but merely make-believe imitations. The patriotic societies followed, genuine and non-genuine, resplendent in “insignia,” sashes, and badges.

“There’s my wife, she’s a G.C.M.C.T.C.,” said Reddy proudly, pointing out a very plain young woman with gold spectacles. “And here come the Genuine Ancestors of Future Veterans. See that old woman there on the other side? She made all the fuss. You see when anybody wants to get into a society and finds they can’t get in they go off and start another. And some people that hadn’t any tax collectors or connections or anything, they just got up the ‘Ancestors of Future Veterans,’ and everybody in town wanted to get into that. And old Miss Blunt there, she wanted to come in too, and she’s over seventy, and they said she couldn’t be an ancestor nohow, and she said she could and she would, and they voted forty-one to forty against her, and the forty went off and founded the Genuine Ancestors, and they’re twice as big as the others now. Hear ’em applaud?”

The old lady walked along with a martial tread, and was loudly cheered as she passed.

“Now we’d better get into the church if we want seats,” said the young man, and Cleary followed him, leaving the ancient warrior behind. The church was very crowded and very hot, and Cleary had to sit on a step of the platform, but it was an exhibition of patriotism worth beholding. The band played with great gusto, and the whole audience was at the highest pitch of excitement. The chairman made an address, and Josh Thatcher responded in a few words for himself and