Deep River Promise, Jackie Ashenden [large ebook reader .TXT] 📗

course not. But you could bring her here if you wanted to.”

“I can’t just uproot her from her life and her familiar—”

Astrid took a step up to him and raised her hand, her fingers touching his face, making the words die unsaid. Her touch was very soft, very warm. “You love her very much and I understand. She’s sick, and she needs care. But what are you trying to prove to her, Damon?”

It was too much, the touch of her hand and the look in her eyes. It was that sharp look from last night, seeing into his soul. Seeing the lonely little boy who’d watched his mother run herself ragged to keep him fed, selfishly wanting more from her, some crumb of affection or praise. Seeing the angry young man, furious at his mother for walking away from him right when he’d needed her most.

He turned from Astrid in a jerky movement, taking a few steps toward the trees. His heart was beating far too fast and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“She never needed me,” he said, even though he hadn’t meant to. “And she never let me need her either. But she does now, and I won’t do what she did to me. I won’t walk away.”

“You could bring her here.”

“No.” He stared up at the sky and the long spears of light cast by the fading sun. “I can’t, Astrid.”

Behind him there was silence, but she would ask him. Astrid had never flinched away from the truth.

“Why not?” Her voice was quiet.

He didn’t want to see her face, not with what he had to tell her, because it would hurt her. But she was right. His mother was an excuse. The only thing he had left to give her was the truth, and he wasn’t going to give her that with his back turned.

Slowly, he spun around, facing her.

The light fell full on her lovely face, and those stars were in her eyes again.

He so badly didn’t want to cause her pain, but he had no choice.

“Because of you, Astrid,” he said.

* * *

Damon’s beautiful face was set in hard, harsh lines and his blue eyes glittered, his whole posture radiating tension.

Her heart beat fast. Nothing he said was making any sense.

She shouldn’t have come out here, not with the meeting nearly ready to start, but she’d seen him and Connor leave and then not too long afterward, Connor had come back inside, his face white.

Worried, she’d wanted to go straight to him and ask him what was wrong, but he’d positioned himself on the other side of the hall, next to a friend, and she didn’t want to have a discussion like that in the middle of a town meeting.

So she’d gone outside in search of Damon instead.

She shouldn’t have pushed him about why he was leaving, but Connor had obviously been upset and he at least deserved the truth. And maybe she did too.

Except now all she could do was stare at him in shock.

“Me?” she asked blankly. “What do you mean because of me?”

Damon’s gaze speared her right through. “You know why.”

“No, I don’t. Perhaps you’d better spell it out for me.”

He didn’t move, as if he were turned to stone. “I can’t stay because I can’t give you what you want, Astrid.”

She blinked, not understanding. “I don’t… What do you mean you can’t give me what I want? I don’t want anything.”

“Yes, you do. It’s written all over your face. I see it every time you look at me.”

He’s right. You’re in love with him.

There was no instinctive denial at the thought, no protest. Just acceptance. Because yes, she was in love with him and had been since the night he’d made love to her in her bedroom. Crazy considering she hadn’t known him all that long, but that didn’t make it any less true.

A deep, calm feeling swept through her, a strength she hadn’t known she had.

Folding her arms, she held his gaze steadily. “And how is that a problem?”

Fire flickered in his eyes. “How do you think? What would happen if I stayed? Would our affair go on? And would it be secret? And if it wasn’t secret, what would you want? Us living together? Or staying apart and seeing each other casually? And if that, then what would the town think? Could you deal with gossip?” The questions were like a rain of sharp stones. “And if not, if we ended it, would you be fine seeing me every day? Talking to me every day? It’s hard to stay distant in a small town.”

She didn’t flinch. “Again, how is that a problem?”

“Seriously?” A muscle flicked in the side of his strong jaw. “You can’t see the issue?”

“Those aren’t issues, Damon. Those are all excuses. Not that they’re relevant anyway, because you’re not staying.”

His eyes went dark. “And if I did?”

The calm surrounding her faltered, a fist squeezing her heart as she imagined what it would be like to have him here every day. Waking in the morning with him beside her, working during the day and meeting up for coffee at April’s. Then going home to find him and Connor sitting in the kitchen while he helped the kid with his homework.

Him teasing her as she made dinner. Her kissing him to shut him up.

Oh, it would be so good to have him here. It would be heaven. But it would also be a lie. Because for that to happen, he’d have to want to stay. And he didn’t.

“But you won’t,” she said quietly. “And I don’t want you to anyway.”

He stood so very still, like he’d been carved from rock. A statue left alone in a place no one ever visited. “Why not?”

“Because if you did, it wouldn’t be because you wanted to. You’d stay for the promise you made to Cal. And for the sake of me and Connor.” She took a small breath. “It wouldn’t be for yourself.”

His expression twisted and he looked away, but not