Deep River Promise, Jackie Ashenden [large ebook reader .TXT] 📗

empty it felt. The way it had the night before, as if he were pasting it on like plaster over drywall covering up the cracks. “Yeah, gotta get back to Juneau.”

“Sure,” Hope said, clearly skeptical. “Will we be seeing you back here, then?”

No. I’m never coming back.

“Maybe.” He kept that stupid smile on his face as he felt the cracks inside himself widen, deepen.

Someone came up beside him and leaned on the bar.

“So I presume I get a goodbye?” Silas asked.

“Yeah, well, that’s why I’m standing here.” He glanced at his friend. “You shouldn’t have given Connor my mom’s number.”

Silas’s expression was unrepentant. “Let’s go into the office and have a conversation.”

He didn’t want to. He wanted to head out and not talk to anyone. Get in his plane and fly away. Then maybe get himself a pretty woman and a drink, work on finding his way back to the surface of life, because he had a horrible feeling that he’d sunk beneath it somehow and his air was running out.

But hell, he wouldn’t mind giving Silas a piece of his mind before he left.

Silas turned and led the way into the back office, and Damon followed without a word, shutting the door after him.

His friend had gone to sit in the chair near the desk, his arms folded, and was now gazing at him dispassionately. “You want to know why I told Connor?”

Damon gripped the strap of the bag he’d slung over his shoulder. “I think you owe me, considering that was private information and you had no right to give it to a teenage boy.”

“I didn’t give it to him,” Silas said. “I dialed the number and handed him the phone so he could talk, and I stayed here and made sure he didn’t say anything stupid.”

“That’s not the point.”

“I know that’s not the point.” Silas’s green gaze was very level. “Connor and I at least wanted to know if all that bullshit you were talking about your mother was true.”

Anger coiled inside him.

“It’s not bullshit,” he said flatly. “And why the hell would you think I’d lie about that?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

“Why should I? I don’t have to explain myself to you, Silas.”

A heavy silence fell.

His friend looked at him, then let out a breath. “Look, I’m not trying to be a dick. And I’m sorry. Letting Connor call your mom probably wasn’t the right way to go about it. But I want you to stay, Damon.”

“Why? What does it matter to you what I do?”

“Because I’m your friend, asshole. And I think you have a lot to offer that this place could use. People like you, which is unusual here, believe me. Usually it takes years for them to take to a stranger. You managed it in four days.”

The heavy feeling that had been sitting in Damon’s chest shifted and the anger inside him shifted with it. His friend had his back, that was for sure, but then that was Silas. He was always wanting to help people, do the right thing by them.

“Okay, well, I appreciate it. But you know I can’t.”

Silas said nothing for a long moment, then he asked, “So what’s the deal with you and Astrid?”

Yeah, he wasn’t having that discussion.

“There’s no deal,” he said curtly. “You got anything else to say? Because I need to get out to—”

“You think I didn’t pick up on the tension between you two up in the kitchen yesterday?” Silas gave him a sharp look. “It was so thick I could have cut it with a knife and spread it on my toast for breakfast.”

“It’s none of your business,” Damon snapped.

“I know it isn’t. But I like Astrid and I don’t want to see her get hurt.”

What could he say to that? And he knew the expression on Silas’s face. The guy wasn’t going to leave this alone.

He let out a breath and scrubbed a hand across his face.

This was all getting too complicated. Because if he went into talking about Astrid, he’d have to talk about Connor. About Cal. And from there, he’d have to tell his friend about Ella…

So?

Something shifted inside him yet again, a certain knowledge. About secrets and the burden of them and how it felt to share them. To know that you weren’t alone.

Astrid had done that for him. She’d been the catalyst and then, when he’d told her about Ella and she’d told him about Aiden, they’d been there for each other. And though it had been painful, it had also been good. It had made him feel strong in a way he hadn’t felt for a long time.

Damon took a breath and looked at his friend. Silas was a good guy, one of the best, and they’d all had each other’s backs in the army.

Why wouldn’t he have your back now?

Good goddamn point.

“The deal with Astrid is that you know what’s been going on,” he said before he could think better of it.

“Ah.” Silas let out a breath. “So you’ve been sleeping with her.”

Sleeping with her… It sounded so…casual. A cheapening of what was actually between them. But what else had it been? It was nothing at all now.

“We had an affair, yes. But we both knew it was temporary, and we agreed it wasn’t going to be serious.”

“Didn’t look not serious yesterday.”

Damon glanced away, pain settling in his chest. Astrid’s steady gray gaze, telling him that she would always be there for him…

“I have to leave,” he said. “I can’t give her what she wants.”

“Uh-huh. And what’s that?”

Damon opened his mouth. Then shut it. If he was going to tell Silas about him and Astrid, then he had to start from the beginning. He couldn’t tell his friend about his promise to Cal, not yet, because it involved Connor and he wasn’t going to give away the kid’s secrets without asking him first. But he could tell him about Ella at least.

“It’s complicated,” he said at last.

Silas nodded as if that was something he already knew.