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night Jesse died in the restorative justice programme. He was supposed to recall everything, and yet he’d said nothing resembling this detail. He’d seemed so transparent, like a puppy dog, too innocent to lie to me. As an experienced older woman, I’d always thought I’d see through any deception, any lies.

He began speaking again. ‘After about half an hour of what felt like Jesse drinking himself into oblivion, I shouted over the music for something to say, “How’re things between you and Coral?” He screamed back, “Hey, thanks for asking, mate! Nice to know how much you care,” and then, for want of a better word, he went ape – out of nowhere. It’s the only way I can describe his bizarre behaviour.’

‘What made it so bizarre?’ Jesse had a crazy side, both Tom and I knew that, and I’d always loved him for it. It made him different. Quirky.

‘He sprang up off his seat, ran to the dance floor and threw a few wild moves before coming back and draining his glass. He did that several times. I mean, I kind of realised that me mentioning Coral had flipped a switch somewhere in his head. I thought that was what must have been wrong with him all night, that maybe they’d had an argument and were splitting up or something.’

‘But you said in court he got you thrown out of the club. So did he get worse?’

Tom nodded. ‘He got himself another round of vodka and shots. He didn’t even sit down; he brought them back to the booth and drank them all standing up. Then he stood there looking down at me, this expression of pure fury on his face. I said, “Chill out, will you, mate, what’s up with you tonight?” And he started doing stupid kung fu moves, punching and kicking and getting pretty close to my face. I thought ignoring him was the best policy, and I made my mind up to leave after I’d finished my pint, but then the security guy came over. He told Jesse to sit down, and Jesse retaliated, calling him some pretty nasty names. The next thing I knew, this guy had hold of Jesse by the scruff of his jumper and had dragged him across the dance floor. I followed, trying to reason with him, but then another doorman grabbed me, the emergency exit doors flew open and we were both pushed out onto the street.’

I reached over and turned off the water jets. The garden around us fell deathly quiet, I hadn’t realised how noisy the tub had been. I felt so hot now, like I was overheating. I wanted to climb out but I couldn’t break Tom’s flow. I had to hear this.

‘Jesse was straight up on his feet, spoiling for a fight. Threatening what he’d do to the security staff when he got hold of them. He wanted to go back to the entrance and try to get admitted to the club again.’

‘But you stopped him.’

‘I tried, but he was like a man possessed. Then suddenly, he seemed to forget about it and turned his attention to me instead. He said, “You might as well know, me and Coral are splitting up.” I said I was sorry, but part of me wasn’t surprised. Even though Coral was pregnant, he’d messed her about a bit. He was always chatting up other women when we were out on our own.’

I shifted in the water. It was still uncomfortable for me to accept that Jesse had had that side to him. I didn’t like being reminded of it. ‘Then what happened?’ I pressed, hoping Tom would move on.

‘Well, he stared at me for a few moments and then he said, “You know she’s pregnant, right?” I laughed and said, “Course I do!” I mean, she only had a few months to go; it was fairly obvious to anyone with eyesight.’

‘And then?’

‘Then he went ice cold on me. Within a couple of seconds he seemed sober as a judge, looking me straight in the eye. And then he said, “Funny, is it? You knowing all this time the baby isn’t mine?”’

‘What?’ I whispered, feeling choked. ‘Whose baby did he think it was?’

Tom held up a hand to signal for me to let him finish, but my head swirled dangerously. I felt sick to my stomach.

‘That was my reaction, too. I said, “What? Don’t be stupid, man. Course the baby’s yours, Coral thinks the world of you!” I mean, he’d been so excited about being a dad, you know that yourself, Brid.’

‘Tell me what he said next,’ I muttered between clenched teeth. Underneath the water, my fingernails dug into my thighs. If I didn’t get out of here soon, I was going to faint.

‘Jesse started crying. He said, “She told me herself this morning. The baby isn’t mine.” So I said, “OK, so whose is it then?” trying to reason with him, ’cos he was clearly plastered, and that was when he said …’

Tom pulled back a sob and I realised that all the time he’d been talking, in a tone that would suit a discussion about the weather, he’d been holding the emotion tightly in. Tears streamed down his face and a terrible feeling started in my guts. It gathered speed so quickly that within seconds it was inside my head.

Fear. Fear of what he was about to say. Was it … was he about to tell me he was Ellis’s father? I started to get out of the tub. I didn’t want to hear it.

‘Brid, please.’ Tom grasped my arm.

‘Let go of me!’ I shook him off and stood up, and then he opened his mouth and the words coiled out of him like a slippery eel.

‘Coral told Jesse that Robert was the baby’s father. My dad is Ellis’s dad, too. When he’d been giving her a lift home, they … they’d had sex twice, in Dad’s car and … Ellis is my half-brother, Brid.’

The strength drained from

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