The Marriage, K.L. Slater [best pdf ebook reader for android TXT] 📗

Fifty-Nine Jill

One month later

When I closed the door behind Robert and the police that day, I’d sunk back against the wall. My breathing was erratic, my heart pounding and I felt like crying – tears of freedom, of relief.

At last he was gone and my life was my own. The house was up for sale and Robert was in custody awaiting trial, charged with the manslaughter of Coral McKinty.

Mid-afternoon, I sat in the kitchen with a gin and tonic talking to Bridget.

‘You’ve heard that saying, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone?’ I said, and Bridget nodded. ‘Well, I didn’t know how much I needed to get rid of him until he walked out that door.’

Bridget nodded. ‘Some things you have to find out for yourself.’

‘I’ve certainly done that,’ I agreed. ‘What about you? What have you found out for yourself?’

Bridget thought for a moment. ‘I think I’ve found out that no matter what I do, I can’t keep Jesse alive. I started visiting Tom because he had so many memories of him, like me. I kept Coral around because I wanted Ellis, believed he was the part of Jesse that was still here. Though of course that wasn’t the case at all.’

‘I admire you so much for what you’re doing. Making a new family with Ellis and Tom.’

‘If I’m honest with you, Jill, I have my worries about whether it can work, the three of us together, but we’re determined to give it a go. Ellis still isn’t close to Tom, but he’s getting better, and one day he’ll find out the truth that Tom is his half-brother. But he’s had so much trauma to deal with, we have to take it slowly. We start our family counselling next week. We’ll tell Ellis the truth at some point, in the safety of that environment. I do feel like I have a lot more living to do yet.’

Nobody could accuse Bridget of trying to hide her lust for life. She wasn’t your typical middle-aged woman.

‘I love Tom and I’d never want any harm to come to him. I’ve forgiven him for his part in Jesse’s death; the restorative justice programme helped us both with that. What about you, Jill? How do you feel now about me and Tom?’

‘It’s a relief for me to let Tom live his life and not keep tabs on his every move. We both know that life can deal some very tough blows, but things don’t turn out as badly as you might think – in my case, anyway. I’ve spent what feels like my whole life expecting the worst at every turn, and sometimes the worst doesn’t happen.’

Bridget nodded. ‘It must be an exhausting way to live.’

‘So exhausting. And trying to control every last detail doesn’t work anyway, because stuff still happens. The feeling that you’re controlling life is an illusion. Nobody can do that. Not even me. But for what it’s worth, I think what you’ve done – accepting Ellis as your grandson and forgiving Tom for not telling you about Robert being his father – is very noble. It can’t have been easy.’

‘The way I look at it, Ellis is my grandson. I love him with all my heart. And Tom didn’t tell me for all the right reasons. The same reasons he didn’t tell you. He didn’t want to hurt us. When I first found out about Ellis, I wondered if Tom had married me to get close to his brother, but he pointed out that if that was all he’d wanted, he would have made a play for Coral. We always had a connection, you know, even when the boys were growing up. Obviously completely innocent and platonic back then, but we were close, we’ve always cared about each other.’

‘I know that,’ I agreed. ‘I loved Jesse too. I admit I used to feel jealous sometimes. Tom would come home and say what a great time he’d had at your house and that you were such a great mum.’

‘That’s understandable,’ Bridget said. ‘I can see now that I was too lax with Jesse. Teenagers are bound to think that’s cool and push the boundaries.’ She hesitated a moment. ‘Have you heard from Audrey?’

I nodded and said simply, ‘We’ve spoken.’ Audrey had called at the house and begged for me to listen to her side of the story. She told me about the pass Robert had made at her which I’d been totally unaware of and how, when she realised she would never get through to me about the kind of man he was, that she’d rather help someone who did listen.

I’d also confided in Audrey that I had a policy maturing when I was fifty, a nice lump sum that as yet, Robert was unaware of. ‘I knew then you’d be OK for money if Robert paid Coral,’ she’d said. ‘And she really needed the money to stop Bridget controlling her.’

‘I don’t know if I can trust her again, Bridget. I’ve had enough people lying to me to last a lifetime. She wanted to help me, save me from Robert and she wanted to help Coral, too. Audrey is stuck in a different hell, involving herself in other people’s lives and how she thinks they should live them.’

‘I suppose while she’s sorting out everyone else’s problems, she doesn’t have to dwell on her own lonely life,’ Bridget murmured.

I thought she had a point. ‘For as long as I’ve known her, Audrey has always fought for the underdog, seen it as her life’s mission to help others out, find solutions. At college she’d fight the popular causes and rush to someone’s defence if she felt they’d been slighted. I asked her once why she did that stuff but she shrugged and said she was just that kind of person who hated any kind of injustice. Now I realise any David and Goliath situation, where