The Woman with the Blue Star, Pam Jenoff [highly recommended books txt] 📗

“Thank you,” I said to Kara before starting up the ladder. “If you hear from Krys...” Then I hesitated. I had already left him a note. “Tell him I’ll do it. I’ll help, whatever he needs.” We had only this moment. Refusing to help wasn’t going to keep us safe any more than fleeing and hiding had saved Sadie’s mother and sister. Kara nodded gravely.

I led Sadie through the backstreets of Dębniki, not wanting her odd appearance to attract attention. We walked in silence. Every step was like lead to me. I needed to tell Sadie the truth before we parted and she went back underground. I should have told her back at the bar, I realized. What if she lost her composure here on the street, made a scene and cried out? At last we reached the grate by the river. She reached down for the stone that had caused the grate to stick, pried it open.

“My mother,” she said. “You’ll keep looking?”

“I promise.” The lie broke my heart. I wondered once again if I should tell her the truth. But if I did, she might not go back into hiding—or be able to go on at all.

“Check our old neighborhood, as well as the ghetto,” she said, trying to think of all of the places her mother might have gone.

I nodded. “I shall.”

“Thank you.” She smiled gratefully.

My guilt grew, seeming to swallow me whole. “I’m so sorry.” My voice cracked and I nearly blurted out the awful truth. Then I caught myself. “I wish there was more I could do.”

“You’re doing everything you can. I begged my mother not to leave the sewer. If only she had listened.”

“Sadie, no! That would not have been possible. If she had stayed, the baby’s cries would have alerted someone and you would have all been found by now. She left to protect you.”

“She’s gone, isn’t she?” I didn’t answer, but put my arms around her. Her face was a hollow mask, as if some part of her knew the truth without my saying it. “I have no one.”

“Don’t say that! You have me.” The words felt hollow. “I know it isn’t much, and it doesn’t make up for your mother not being here, or how much you miss her and the rest of your family. But I’m here.” She did not respond. “Sadie, look at me.” I took both of her hands in mine. “This isn’t forever. I swear, I will get you out of the sewer again.” How I could make such a promise, I did not know. But I was clutching at straws, anything to give her the will to press on another day.

“You don’t have to go,” I said, in spite of myself. I had no idea where I would hide her if she didn’t. “I mean, if you don’t want to go back. We could leave the city tonight, find a way.” For a moment, I saw it, the two of us away from here and free.

“I have to,” she said. “There are others.” Even though her mother and sister were gone, she would not abandon Saul and his family.

Still, she did not go. “It’s just really hard down here. The only reason I managed was because of my mother. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to do it without her.” Sadie’s voice broke. “I can’t do this alone.”

“You don’t have to. Just keep coming to see me, all right? And I will come here and bring whatever I can and we will string together these awful days until the war is over.” I tried to make my voice sound positive and sure.

“All right,” she said, but I couldn’t tell whether she really believed me or was just too sad and weary to argue. She lowered herself into the sewer. I tried to stand in front of her, to block her from view of anyone who might pass by and see the unusual sight.

“I’ll be here tomorrow, okay?” I said. “And the day after that. I will come every day. You just have to get up in the morning and come see me.” I had no idea how I would manage it. Getting away from Ana Lucia’s prying eyes to this remote part of the city once a week was hard enough. But Sadie needed something, anything, to keep her going.

Without a word, she turned and disappeared into the sewer once more.

20

Sadie

Ella was late today. I stood in the tunnel, trying to avoid the rain that slatted through the sewer grate. Wind whipped down, sending the drops sideways, as though they were chasing me. I ducked down into the corner, trying without success to escape the wetness. For once, I wanted to run back to the chamber. But I stayed, certain that Ella would appear.

It was late July now, more than four months since we had first come to the sewer. Mama had been gone for almost three weeks. Ella had not been able to find her, nor learn anything else since I had returned underground. With each passing day it was harder to ignore the undeniable truth that she might not be coming back. Still, I clung to hope because it was the only thing that helped me get through each day. Without my mother, I would have nothing.

It was not just my sadness over Mama’s absence that made things hard to bear—our living conditions had deteriorated, too. The summer weather warmed the air and caused the sewer gasses to become thicker and more foul. Our joints ached from the dampness and strange rashes would appear on our skin.

“At least it isn’t cold,” Pan Rosenberg said once. “I have no idea what we are going to do to survive here next winter.” I looked at him with disbelief. Winter was several months away. Surely he didn’t imagine we would still be here by then.

Despite the worsening conditions, I tried to do better and make Mama proud. I got up in the morning