Fall Guy (A Youngblood Book), Reinhardt, Liz [best free ebook reader for pc .TXT] 📗

I scan the area for Evan, and should be glad I don't see her.

I shouldn't see her.

I made so many promises I could never begin to keep, I feel like a huge loser. I feel like I have no right to ask anything of her when I've basically given her nothing. I haven’t even had the guts to call and check on her.

I get handed a shovel and pointed in the direction of a smoldering garbage pit. I shovel through the debris and ash and keep the fire going strong. I take a handkerchief Rolo hands me, not even worried if it's full of germs and gunk because I'd be choking on the thick smoke if it wasn't for him.

I want Evan.

I think about her constantly. If I'm honest with myself, for once, I've hardly thought about anything else for days, since she got out of my car and walked up the steps to her grandparents' house.

I dream about her. I wake up hard and ready, wanting her with every uncontrolled shred of my body.

I look for her every time I stand up with a shovelful of smoldering garbage.

I don't deserve her. I've wasted second and third chances with her.

I've been an idiot.

But none of that stops me from wanting her.

So badly it aches.

I'm sick of doing the right thing and ignoring all the desire that's built up inside me for her. I want her. I want her in every way there is to want a girl, and I want her more than all that, too.

I shovel and choke until it's time to leave, and I'm completely covered in grime. No amount of standing under the dribbling hose is going to wash this all off.

"You wanna come out with a couple of the guys? Play some pool, drink some beers?" Rolo never usually invites me to go anywhere, but most of the time, I’m calm and laid-back. Today I've been a furious dickhead, and, unfortunately, Rolo took the brunt of my asshole behavior. I guess he figures I could use a drink or five.

"Thanks, man." I try to hand his handkerchief back, but he waves it off. "Look, I'm sorry I was an asshole to work with today. I'm just having a whole thing with Evan and my family."

I've never been big on sharing how I feel, and it's just as awkward as I thought it might be.

Rolo switches his weight from foot to foot. "I'm sorry, bro. That sucks."

He's not inviting me to tell him anything else, but the words just kind of spill out. "I love her. Evan, you know?" He nods. "But my family...they ask a lot of me. And it's been coming between us."

"You still work for your old man?"

Rolo runs the weakly dribbling water over his arms and passes the hose my way again.

It's stupid to even pretend that it's going to help get me clean, but I drizzle the water over my skin so I have an excuse to stand here and hash this all out with him.

"Yeah. I do. I just...it's complicated, you know because it's work and all, but it's more family."

"Oh, I get it." Rolo rubs his dirty handkerchief over his face and neck, taking the black soot down to a dull gray. "Family helps you every time you need a hand, but they cross every damn line, too."

That's it.

"Exactly. And I'm just trying to figure out how much I owe them and how much I can take for myself, I guess."

I thought my filth couldn't be washed off, but even these few minutes of tepid, tricking water and this thin handkerchief are taking the grime away, layer by minuscule layer.

"Well, you know, family is good and all. You need them. But you gotta do your thing, too. Remember, at some point your dad was just his father's son, too. And he had to grow up and be his own man. I'm gonna bet that didn't happen without some shit going down, right?"

Rolo yanks his sweaty shirt back over his head.

I put mine back on, too, and think about my father and grandfather. I barely knew my father's father. What little I gathered from family visits to Hungary was that he ruled the family with an iron fist, and my father was more than happy to take his shares and control of the family business across the Atlantic to start something on his own.

"I never really thought about that," I admit. "Listen, thanks for the invite, but I think I better go find Evan and get things back under control."

"Do what you have to do. Maybe some other time?"

I grab his hand in a rough mix of a slap and a shake. "Yeah. Definitely. Soon."

Driving to Evan's house, I feel more lost than I ever have in my entire life.

A few weeks ago, I knew exactly where I was going and what I was doing. Now every single thing I thought I knew for sure has been shaken. I don't know how I feel about my family, my future, my place, my beliefs.

The only thing I know for sure is that Evan has helped me change everything, and, whatever the hell my future might hold, I want her in it.

I get to her house and go right to the front door. I stink. I'm dirty as hell. I won't make a remotely decent first impression if one of her grandparents opens the door, but I don't care. I'm on the verge of exploding, freaking out, finding a new path, forging a new way, and I need her at my side.

I can't do this without her at my side.

A woman with silver hair opens the door and presses a hand covered with tons of rings to her chest when she sees me. She looks over my shoulder, like she's trying to see if I've got my gang behind me, ready to jump her, and then she looks back at me with unapologetic suspicion.

"Can I help you?"

"My name is Winchester Youngblood. I'm