The Small House at Allington, Anthony Trollope [best ebook reader for chromebook .txt] 📗

“But you won’t leave it there?”

“Leave it there! Did you ever hear the like of that? If you’re afeared to put it in, you can take it away; that’s all about it, Miss Lily.” And then Mrs. Crump turned away to her avocations at the washing-tub. Mrs. Crump had a bad temper, but perhaps she had some excuse. A separate call was made upon her time with reference to almost every letter brought to her office, and for all this, as she often told her friends in profound disgust, she received as salary no more than “tuppence farden a day. It don’t find me in shoe-leather; no more it don’t.” As Mrs. Crump was never seen out of her own house, unless it was in church once a month, this latter assertion about her shoe-leather, could hardly have been true.

Lily had received another letter, and had answered it before Eames made his promised visit to Allington. He, as will be remembered, had also had a correspondence. He had answered Miss Roper’s letter, and had since that been living in fear of two things; in a lesser fear of some terrible rejoinder from Amelia, and in a greater fear of a more terrible visit from his ladylove. Were she to swoop down in very truth upon his Guestwick home, and declare herself to his mother and sister as his affianced bride, what mode of escape would then be left for him? But this she had not yet done, nor had she even answered his cruel missive.

“What an ass I am to be afraid of her!” he said to himself as he walked along under the elms of Guestwick manor, which overspread the road to Allington. When he first went over to Allington after his return home, he had mounted himself on horseback, and had gone forth brilliant with spurs, and trusting somewhat to the glories of his dress and gloves. But he had then known nothing of Lily’s engagement. Now he was contented to walk; and as he had taken up his slouched hat and stick in the passage of his mother’s house, he had been very indifferent as to his appearance. He walked quickly along the road, taking for the first three miles the shade of the Guestwick elms, and keeping his feet on the broad greensward which skirts the outside of the earl’s palings. “What an ass I am to be afraid of her!” And as he swung his big stick in his hand, striking a tree here and there, and knocking the stones from his path, he began to question himself in earnest, and to be ashamed of his position in the world. “Nothing on earth shall make me marry her,” he said; “not if they bring a dozen actions against me. She knows as well as I do, that I have never intended to marry her. It’s a cheat from beginning to end. If she comes down here, I’ll tell her so before my mother.” But as the vision of her sudden arrival came before his eyes, he acknowledged to himself that he still held her in great fear. He had told her that he loved her. He had written as much as that. If taxed with so much, he must confess his sin.

Then, by degrees, his mind turned away from Amelia Roper to Lily Dale, not giving him a prospect much more replete with enjoyment than that other one. He had said that he would call at Allington before he returned to town, and he was now redeeming his promise. But he did not know why he should go there. He felt that he should sit silent and abashed in Mrs. Dale’s drawing-room, confessing by his demeanour that secret which it behoved him now to hide from everyone. He could not talk easily before Lily, nor could he speak to her of the only subject which would occupy his thoughts when in her presence. If indeed, he might find her alone⁠—But, perhaps that might be worse for him than any other condition.

When he was shown into the drawing-room there was nobody there. “They were here a minute ago, all three,” said the servant girl. “If you’ll walk down the garden, Mr. John, you’ll be sure to find some of ’em.” So John Eames, with a little hesitation, walked down the garden.

First of all he went the whole way round the walks, meeting nobody. Then he crossed the lawn, returning again to the farther end; and there, emerging from the little path which led from the Great House, he encountered Lily alone. “Oh, John,” she said, “how d’ye do? I’m afraid you did not find anybody in the house. Mamma and Bell are with Hopkins, away in the large kitchen-garden.”

“I’ve just come over,” said Eames, “because I promised. I said I’d come before I went back to London.”

“And they’ll be very glad to see you, and so am I. Shall we go after them into the other grounds? But perhaps you walked over and are tired.”

“I did walk,” said Eames; “not that I am very tired.” But in truth he did not wish to go after Mrs. Dale, though he was altogether at a loss as to what he would say to Lily while remaining with her. He had fancied that he would like to have some opportunity of speaking to her alone before he went away;⁠—of making some special use of the last interview which he should have with her before she became a married woman. But now the opportunity was there, and he hardly dared to avail himself of it.

“You’ll stay and dine with us,” said Lily.

“No, I’ll not do that, for I especially told my mother that I would be back.”

“I’m sure it was very good of you to walk so far to see us. If you really are not tired, I think we will go to mamma, as she would be very sorry to miss