Manners and Social Usages, Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood [always you kirsty moseley .txt] 📗
- Author: Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood
- Performer: -
Book online «Manners and Social Usages, Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood [always you kirsty moseley .txt] 📗». Author Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood
announced, after a marriage has taken place, after a return from
Europe, and of course after an invitation has been extended; but,
as society grows larger and larger, the first four visits may be
omitted, and cards sent if it is impossible to pay the visits
personally. Most ladies in large cities are invisible except on
their days; in this way alone can they hope to have any time for
their own individual tastes, be these what they may—china
painting, authorship, embroidery, or music. So the formal visiting
gets to be a mere matter of card-leaving; and the witty author who
suggested that there should be a “clearing-house for cards,” and
who hailed the Casino at Newport as a good institution for the
same, was not without genius. One hates to lose time in this world
while greasing the machinery, and the formal, perfunctory
card-leaving is little else.
Could we all have abundant leisure and be sure to find our friends
at home, what more agreeable business than visiting? To wander
from one pleasant interior to another, to talk a little harmless
gossip, to hear the last mot, the best piece of news, to see
one’s friends, their children, and the stranger within their
gates—all this is charming; it is the Utopia of society; it would
be the apotheosis of visiting—if there were such a thing!
Unfortunately, it is impossible. There may be here and there a
person of such exalted leisure that he can keep his accounts to
society marked in one of those purple satin manuals stamped
“Visites,” and make the proper marks every day under the heads of
“address,” “received,” “returned visits,” and “reception days,”
but he is a rara avis.
Certain rules are, however, immutable. A first call from a new
acquaintance should be speedily returned. These are formal calls,
and should be made in person between the hours of four and six in
New York and other large cities. Every town has its own hours for
receiving, however. When calling for the first time on several
ladies not mother and daughters in one family, a card should be
left on each. In the first call of the season, a lady leaves her
own card and those of her husband, sons, and daughters.
A lady has a right to leave her card without asking for the lady
of the house if it is not her day, or if there is any reason—such
as bad weather, pressure of engagements, or the like—which
renders time an important matter.
If ladies are receiving, and she is admitted, the visitor should
leave her husband’s cards for the gentlemen of the family on the
hall table. Strangers staying in town who wish to be called upon
should send their cards by post, with address attached, to those
whom they would like to see. There is no necessity of calling
after a tea or general reception if one has attended the
festivity, or has left or sent a card on that day.
For reception days a lady wears a plain, dark, rich dress, taking
care, however, never to be overdressed at home. She rises when her
visitors enter, and is careful to seat her friends so that she can
have a word with each. If this is impossible, she keeps her eye on
the recent arrivals to be sure to speak to every one. She is to be
forgiven if she pays more attention to the aged, to some
distinguished stranger, or to some one who has the still higher
claim of misfortune, or to one of a modest and shrinking
temperament, than to one young, gay, fashionable, and rich. If she
neglects these fortunate visitors they will not feel it; if she
bows low to them and neglects the others, she betrays that she is
a snob. If a lady is not sure that she is known by name to her
hostess, she should not fail to pronounce her own name. Many
ladies send their cards to the young brides who have come into a
friend’s family, and yet who are without personal acquaintance.
Many, alas! forget faces, so that a name quickly pronounced is a
help. In the event of an exchange of calls between two ladies who
have never met (and this has gone on for years in New York,
sometimes until death has removed one forever), they should take
an early opportunity of speaking to each other at some friend’s
house; the younger should approach the elder and introduce
herself; it is always regarded as a kindness; or the one who has
received the first attention should be the first to speak.
It is well always to leave a card in the hall even if one is
received, as it assists the lady’s memory in her attempts to
return these civilities. Cards of condolence must be returned by a
mourning-card sent in an envelope at such reasonable time after
the death of a relative as one can determine again to take up the
business of society. When the separate card of a lady is left,
with her reception day printed in one corner, two cards of her
husband should be left, one for the lady, the other for the
master, of the house; but after the first call of the season, it
is not necessary to leave the husband’s card, except after a
dinner invitation. It is a convenience, although not a universal
custom, to have the joint names of husband and wife, as “Dr. and
Mrs. J. B. Watson,” printed on one card, to use as a card of
condolence or congratulation, but not as a visiting-card. These
cards are used as “P. P. C.” cards, and can be sent in an envelope
by post. Society is rapidly getting over its prejudice against
sending cards by post. In Europe it is always done, and it is much
safer. Etiquette and hospitality have been reduced to a system in
the Old World. It would be much more convenient could we do that
here. Ceremonious visiting is the machinery by which an
acquaintance is kept up in a circle too large for social visiting;
but every lady should try to make one or two informal calls each
winter on intimate friends. These calls can be made in the morning
in the plainest walking-dress, and are certainly the most
agreeable and flattering of all visits.
CHAPTER VI.
INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES, AND REGRETS.
The engraving of invitation-cards has become the important
function of more than one enterprising firm in every city, so that
it seems unnecessary to say more than that the most plain and
simple style of engraving the necessary words is all that is
requisite.
The English ambassador at Rome has a plain, stiff, unglazed card
of a large size, on which is engraved,
Sir Augustus and Lady Paget
request the pleasure of ______ company
on Thursday evening, November fifteenth, at ten o’clock.
The favor of an answer is requested.
The lady of the house writes the name of the invited guest in the
blank space left before the word “company.” Many entertainers in
America keep these blanks, or half-engraved invitations, always on
hand, and thus save themselves the trouble of writing the whole
card.
Sometimes, however, ladies prefer to write their own dinner
invitations. The formula should always be,
Mr. and Mrs. Henry Brown
request the pleasure of
Mr. and Mrs. Jones’s company at dinner.
November fifteenth, at seven o’clock,
132 Blank St. West.
These invitations should be immediately answered, and with a
peremptory acceptance or a regret. Never enter into any discussion
or prevision with a dinner invitation. Never write, saying “you
will come if you do not have to leave town,” or that you will “try
to come,” or, if you are a married pair, that you will “one of you
come.” Your hostess wants to know exactly who is coming and who
isn’t, that she may arrange her table accordingly. Simply say,
Mr. and Mrs. James Jones
accept with pleasure the polite invitation of
Mr. and Mrs. Henry Brown for dinner
on November fifteenth,
at seven o’clock.
Or if it is written in the first person, accept in the same
informal manner, but quickly and decisively.
After having accepted a dinner invitation, if illness or any other
cause interfere with your going to the dinner, send all immediate
note to your hostess, that she may fill your place. Never
selfishly keep the place open for yourself if there is a doubt
about your going. It has often made or marred the pleasure of a
dinner-party, this hesitancy on the part of a guest to send in
time to her hostess her regrets, caused by the illness of her
child, or the coming on of a cold, or a death in the family, or
any other calamity. Remember always that a dinner is a most formal
affair, that it is the highest social compliment, that its happy
fulfilment is of the greatest importance to the hostess, and that
it must be met in the same formal spirit. It precludes, on her
part, the necessity of having to make a first call if she be the
older resident, although she generally calls first. Some young
neophytes in society, having been asked to a dinner where the
elderly lady who gave it had forgotten to enclose her card, asked
if they should call afterwards. Of course they were bound to do
so, although their hostess should have called or enclosed her
card. However, one invitation to dinner is better than many cards
as a social compliment.
We have been asked by many, “To whom should the answer to an
invitation be addressed?” If Mr. and Mrs. Brown invite you, answer
Mr. and Mrs. Brown. If Mrs. John Jones asks you to a wedding,
answer Mrs. John Jones. Another of our correspondents asks, “Shall
I respond to the lady of the house or to the bride if asked to a
wedding?” This seems so impossible a confusion that we should not
think of mentioning so self-evident a fact had not the doubt
arisen. One has nothing to say to the bride in answering such an
invitation; the answer is to be sent to the hostess, who writes.
Always carefully observe the formula of your invitation, and
answer it exactly. As to the card of the English ambassador, a
gentleman should write: “Mr. Algernon Gracie will do himself the
honor to accept the invitation of Sir Augustus and Lady Paget.” In
America he would be a trifle less formal, saying, “Mr. Algernon
Gracie will have much pleasure in accepting the polite invitation
of Mr. and Mrs. Henry Brown.” We notice that on all English cards
the “R.S.V.P.” is omitted, and that a plain line of English script
is engraved, saying, “The favor of an answer is requested.”
In this country the invitations to a dinner are always in the name
of both host and hostess, but invitations to a ball, “at home,” a
tea, or garden-party, are in the name of the hostess alone. At a
wedding the names of both host and hostess are given. And if a
father entertains for his daughters, he being a widower, his name
appears alone for her wedding; but if his eldest daughter presides
over his household, his and her name appear together for dinners,
receptions, and “at homes.” Many widowed fathers, however, omit
the names of their daughters on the invitation. A young lady at
the head of her father’s house may, if she is no longer very
young, issue her own cards for a tea. It is never proper for very
young ladies to invite gentlemen in their own name to visit at the
house, call on them, or to come to dinner. The invitation must
come from the father, mother, or chaperon.
At
Comments (0)