Plays 2: Weird Time Blues Shuffle, Colin Peterson, George O'Sullivan [8 ebook reader txt] 📗

will enjoy seeing you suffer. You fooled us all. We thought it was good, but everyone done some mess. They ruined themselves, they all destroyed themselves. Werewolf, Fox, kill them both.

 

WERWOLF But he's a creator. He's the gene man.

 

TOSST You not clones, he's all spin, all twaddle.

 

LOVEDAY I can help you with the star ship.

 

TOSST STOP TALKIN' ABOUT SOMETHIN' THA' DOESN'T EXIST - NOW I AM GOD AND YOU WILL BE PART OF MY REGIME! OKAY?

 

LOVEDAY So you were never mad?

 

TOSST No but the air is making me super human. try to stab me, go on, I've got a knife! (Takes out a rusty nail file.) Stab me, go on! I'm invincible!

 

LOVEDAY(scared.) No.

 

TOSST Tinny, go on - didn't I say we'd meet again and you can go down in the new history books as a Princip.

 

TINNY I'm a  woman - I'm not a priest, but I don't get you Tosst. I thought we could co-operate.

 

TOSST Big word, mumsy.

 

TINNY I was mad then.

 

TOSST But it was you who convinced me of its power. You convinced me Loveday was right and this was a seller! You were right, lovey.  YOU! I TRUSTED YOU!

 

TINNY MAYBE I WAS FUCKIN' WRONG!

 

TOSST(trying to slit his wrists with the rusty nail file; WEREWOLF and  FOX laugh.) NO! I CAN'T...NO!

 

TINNY Let's get some civlisation back, yeh? And get inside. Look, yah look like shite, yah all wet'n'smelly'n' -

 

TOSST This is the way of the world. I am nature. I feel it.

 

TINNY It's what you think you feel.

 

TOSST I loved you.

 

LOVEDAY Were you with him to trap me?

 

TINNY I was gonna sell you out. I can't afford my rent - I kno' bills'n'shit don't exist now! - but, at the time, I was in a  real bad debt, so I used my body. It's all cool, init. 

 

LOVEDAY To sell me out?

 

TINNY It was only because I believed in you. My parents were right - research sucks.

 

LOVEDAY But I thought we were... I -

 

WEREWOLF(to TOSST.) Can we get out of  here for a smoke boss?

 

TOSST I asked you to kill him!

 

FOX(pushing TOSST, prodding him.) Yo, pantie-boy! We kill who we want okay? We're doing this for survival, right?

 

WEREWOLF I go with the flow, mate.

 

FOX Where's Ghoul'n'Frog? What've you done to 'em?

 

TOSST(laughing, drooling.)

 

FOX (grabs TOSST and pulls his pants off his head an stuffs them into his mouth, TOSST gulps as FOX punches him shaking him.) WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY YOU FUCKING -

 

            TINNY and WEREWOLF try to pull FOX off TOSST, but FOX is really tough. 

 

LOVEDAY(smiles.) Look, he can't speak if he's got under garments down his throat.

 

WEREWOLF, TINNY and FOX look baffled, as if they don't get the joke. They look at LOVEDAY as if he's mad, and FOX lets go of TOSST. TOSST has passed out; he still clasps the canister of oxygen seventy-seven. 

 

WEREWOLF What now?

 

LOVEDAY I'll send a signal to the ship and you help Mr Tosst come round - we're gonna need him.

 

TINNY We are?

 

WEREWOLF (lights a smoke.) He's crazy.

 

LOVEDAY I know - but he's full of air. He just had all my back up supply for my escape pod.

 

FOX You mad to?

 

LOVEDAY Maybe, but I have cloned. You may or may not be my offspring; but you can make that choice for yourself.

 

TINNY I trusted you.

 

LOVEDAY I know. But I can never trust you again.

 

TINNY I done it cos you'd never let me in.

 

LOVEDAY It's just my way - you already were in.

 

TINNY So the sex games were all pointless!

 

LOVEDAY Hey - I was a good lion though wasn't I? I loved that, we really went for it then.

 

TINNY I know.

 

LOVEDAY Always were a good kid.

 

TINNY I'm not a kid.

 

LOVEDAY Oh aren't you?

 

TINNY This isn't Dick Tracy.

 

LOVEDAY Damn, I love Dick Tracy! Tell me to go and suck an egg? Go on, I'll pay you?

 

TINNY I know. It's easy money. But you're more Cool McCool.

 

LOVEDAY(laughs.) I have no idea what you are on about, kid! I love young people, they're so thick and interesting. I'm going to fuck you up so good! I love that whole fucked over generation we left behind. Come on, let's eat - I have found some food; it just needs heating. (LOVEDAY produces some dog food from a pillowcase.) Here, there's only a few. 

 

            LOVEDAY distributes the cans of dog food to TINNY ,WEREWOLF and FOX.

 

FOX Me and Wolfy will get wood.

 

            WEREWOLF hands his smoke to FOX and they trudge off.

 

FOX Goddamn rations now huh? 

 

TINNY What did you want Tosst for?

 

LOVEDAY I should kill you and Tosst.

 

TINNY You wouldn't?

 

LOVEDAY Me? No, I'm a sentimentalist.

 

TINNY Really?

 

LOVEDAY No, but you fucked with my life's work. But I know you liked it really. You believed in it as you always believed in me. But I'm a failure. It's my other sides that have made me.

 

TINNY Other sides?

 

LOVEDAY I need to ask Tosst where Pteras is. I needed him as a lackey. He had the perfect mentality and thought himself to be a shit. But, as always, an ever-ready action freak. Was he on speed, you reckon?

 

TINNY I dunno.

 

We hear screams. PTERAS covered in margarine and blood, his wrists bloodied, he's dying he growls holding a solid stick of margarine. He drags the corpses of GHOUL        and FROG pushing them on top of TOSST.

 

PTERAS Aren't yah helpin' me?

 

TINNY(checking him out.) Shit, he's a real action hero.

 

LOVEDAY(clapping.) What presence, eh?

 

TINNY I should be fuckin' him.

 

LOVEDAY Well, he needs medical attention.

 

TINNY You're a doctor?

 

LOVEDAY Yes, I am aren't I.

 

TINNY  Can ya help him?

 

LOVEDAY(shaking his head, winking.) You could be on my ship?

 

TINNY Save him - he's gone crazy and he's probably even crazier now.

 

LOVEDAY Impossible! Crazy is crazier, isn' it

 

TINNY Well, help him. 

 

LOVEDAY(helping PTERAS position the bloodied corpses of WEREWOLF and FOX on top of TOSST, as if it is a sculpture or a photo-shoot.) Suicide is good economics.

 

PTERAS Thanks for your help, doctor.

 

LOVEDAY That's fine.

 

PTERAS Savages tried to kill me. I'll never forget what they done to me.

 

LOVEDAY I'm sure.

 

PTERAS I will still need revenge though.

 

LOVEDAY How about I offer you a new job.

 

PTERAS Is that dog food?

 

LOVEDAY It's food, isn't it?

 

PTERAS Is this the future?

 

LOVEDAY Travel with me, visit the stars?

 

PTERAS(swaying, looking ill,exhausted.) Stars, yes, stars.

 

PTERAS falls onto the heap of bodies. We hear a groan, as we see a dazed TOSST trying to push his way out of the corpses, a muffled scream, he spits outs his soggy soiled briefs. 

 

TOSST I'm still alive? I survived the end?

 

LOVEDAY There is no end for me.

 

TOSST Huh?

 

LOVEDAY(points a laser pen up in the air.) I have to go soon.

 

            CROWIE bursts in, covered in mud blood and looking like a zombie, wounded several times. He holds a turd-gun.

 

LOVEDAY Crowie, don't, please. You're working yourself to death.

 

CROWIE I'm sorry Loveday, I've gotta secure the area - I'm doin my -

 

            Suddenly we see a huge bright multi-coloured light, LOVEDAY smiles.

 

LOVEDAY I have to go now Tinny, my work here is done. Re-build with Crowie, he's a good guy, really.

 

TOSST What about me?

 

LOVEDAY Come on then, boyo.

 

    TOSST scrambles out of the corpses, and crawls towards LOVEDAY, clinging on to him, scared of CROWIE.

 

TOSST You really do control the dead, my word.

 

LOVEDAY Good bye, Tinny; good bye, Crowie.

 

TOSST and LOVEDAY walk into the light, we hear a thousand deafening screams, CROWIE and TINNY collapse, holding their ears, screaming also, writhing in pain.  WEREWOLF, GHOUL, FOX and FROG get up, taking the away junk and the platters of soiled underwear, as they dance away PTERAS is left on the floor, TINNY tries to            reach him. The light fades, changing colours, a powerful pink, to jade, to a weird multi-coloured melee, the screams fade, to gasps of breath as if someone cannot breathe or is getting strangled. TINNY tries to scream, but she's too weak; she reaches out for PTERAS and CROWIE.   

 

Part ten: FEAR OF THE  SKID MARK REQUIEM.

The house, we see it is antiquated, looking like some old convalscence home. We see CROWIE messily covered in wadding slumped in chair; PTERAS is propped on a zimmer-frame, struggling to take his weight. TINNY wakes up in asleeping bag which has been tied up. TINNY wakes up struggling, she struggles for some time, but cannot get free. CROWIE groans; PTERAS is dead.

 

CROWIE Uuuuuuuerrrrrrrmmmmmmmmuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

TINNY Crowie?

 

CROWIE Uurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmm

 

TINNY Thank you for savin' me Crowie.

 

CROWIE Uuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

 

TINNY It's okay.

 

CROWIE (laughs, weak.)

 

TINNY(slight smile.) We survived it.

 

            We see SURGEONS enter, faces covered, wearing disposable clothing. They laugh at PTERAS,   examining him briefly.

 

SURGEON ONE We'll probe 'im later

 

SURGEON TWO Wha'ver.

 

SURGEON THREE She's okay.

 

SURGEON ONE(to TINNY.) We had to restrain, it was an improvisation - the meidcation wouldn't wear off. (Beat.) you okay? Get her some water?

 

SURGEON FOUR(smiling; to SURGEON ONE.) Shit, this one's still kickin'

 

TINNY Leave 'im alone.

 

            SURGEON TWO has poured a plastic cup from a plastic bottle of water, attached to his side.

 

SURGEON ONE(taking the cup off SURGEON TWO, throws the cup over TINNY, she coughs.) Still thirsty?

 

SURGEON TWO (chuckling.) Definitely awake now.

 

SURGEON THREE Wha' shall do with tha dead uns?

 

SURGEON FOUR I'll contact the new batch.

 

SURGEON ONE Thank you,doctor.

 

TINNY Where's Tosst, and Loveday? WHERE THA FUCK ARE THEY! WHERE -

 

SURGEON THREE(trying to cover TINNY'S mouth, and restrains her.) Not again!

 

SURGEON ONE get the sedatives ready, we'll knock her a two-fifty, I reckon.

 

SURGEON TWO(taking out packets of pills, dropping some on the floor) Naughty naughty!

 

TINNY(bites SURGEON THREE'S hand that is covering her mouth; SURGEON THREE screams) TELL ME ABOUT LOVEDAY!

 

SURGEON ONE Who?

 

TINNY What's happened to Doc Loveday and doctor tosst?

 

SURGEON TWO Who they?

 

SURGEON THREE Consultants?

 

SURGEON TWO Are they?

 

SURGEON THREE You know?

 

SURGEON FOUR Nope.

 

SURGEON ONE Actually, wasn't there a Loveday transferred to another wing?

 

SURGEON FOUR Doctor or pateint?

 

SURGEON THREE Very good - but this Loveday must've been her doctor.

 

TINNY I work for him, I'm his research assistant.

 

SURGEON FOUR Okay.

 

SURGEON ONE So you had a crush on him? A dream? you dreamt you were his -

 

TINNY No, I'm his research assistant; he has great power, his star ship is called Triceratops, and -

 

SURGEON TWO (taking out some pills.) Take these and -

 

TINNY(slapping the pills out of his hand.) Fuck 'em, and  fuck yah!

 

            The SURGEONS laugh.

 

SURGEON TWO(picking a couple of pills off the floor and pocketing them.) Oh dear, I've dropped more pills.

 

SURGEON THREE So, you were his research assistant?

 

TINNY And doctor Tosst was his nemesis, but they now work together - for good.

 

SURGEON FOUR Okay, fine, we'll look into it. You rest up, dear.

 

            TINNY closes her eyes, resting.

 

SURGEON ONE(looking at CROWIE.) We should get this one to intensive care now 

 

            SURGEON THREE and FOUR support CROWIE  to stand, gingerly as he walks slowly.

 

SURGEON ONE How did they all get like this, though?

 

SURGEON TWO I dunno. She's completely lost her memory, very apocalyptic, how cliched; but she's fucked.

 

SURGEON ONE Maybe. Or maybe she remembers everything? Were we there? I recognise her.

 

SURGEON TWO Fuck off, y'know what things are like!  She'll never get out! 

 

SURGEON ONE and SURGEON TWO drag PTERAS'S corpse, blood dripping onto them, as they exit. TINNY cries, then tries to smile, and sees a pill, and slithers towards it,   trying to lick it off the floor.  

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Text: Colin