Soul Starved, Lexabella Stardust [phonics reader .TXT] 📗

PAST

I sit awake at night in my bed. I sit there with a blank expression on my face. Wondering if living is worth dieing for. Wondering if dieing is worth living for. Wondering why I suddenly feel enraged with anger and sorrow. Wondering if everything that has happened in my past has made me this way. I mean my drug addicted parents who are also alcoholics. Could be the reason why I'm enraged or is it something else... Is it the time I couldn't stand any longer so I collapsed right then and there was it the time I started being a poet and my abusive dad took advantage of it. Bought me a book and told me to fill it with poems by the end of the school year. That was only a few weeks away. Could it be listening to Eminem day in and day out? Could it be spending all day and night thinking breathing and eating my thoughts having to find a way to get them out? In this normal sized head of mine are the thoughts of the next great artist the next great Shakespeare. I AM a poet no one even knows who I am or who I was or who I can be. In this head of mine wonderful amazing poems come out. In this head of mine my thoughts are deep, daring and well.... mine.

~Lexabella~

Loving Mother

My mother. My mom. My Golden winged angel. My supposed role model. The one I’m supposed to look up to. The angel of my life. The one to help me when I’m down. The one to help me when I’m lost. The golden star to help me be found. Has flickered on and off but has finally returned to its rightful place. Used to be lost in the sound of the wind. Used to be lost in the rapids of the water. I now see the shining star of her hope and compassion. Loving mother, loving daze. Once lost but now found. I found that shimmering, shining, golden love that had been lost for so long. I realize it was never lost but needing to be found. Never lost but always found. My mother. My mom. My Golden winged angel. My loving mom. My wannabe teenager. The one I do look up to. Although never to follow in her footsteps because I want to make my own. Loving mother. Loving daze. Loving to be near you. Loving to be fazed.

~Lexabella~

More

The way He look at me is like I'm just another person He shouldn't do that! "Cuz I'm more than a popular more than some other girl cuz I'm more than some other chick you have already dated more than some skank who has lost their v-card I may be more emotional but damn it I'm more than you could ever wish for cuz I'm more than you think up cuz I'm more than you!!!" As I walked away I looked back a little noticing his little emo frown I know I'll miss him but at least he will remember not all girls are the same.

~lexabella~

Just another Thought

I hope I make it BIG!! Hopping helps me through everything. Even though the douts in me being good enough push me harder they sometimes bring me DOWN!!! So I try not to think about why things happen and just hope the were for the better!! Knowingly trying to persade myself into NOT GIVING UP!!! Cuz by the time I do give up I will relize when I'TS to LATE if i would have gone a little further i could have made it!! NOT giving up is the KEY to success!!! So I follow it!!

~lexabella~

Smile At me

I love the way you smile at me I have never seen you ever frown till' that night the night of disaster the night of despair WHY!? why would you leave me to burn your smile lead me home the smile of an angel I told you I would do anything! I know now that that smile I have love and held so dear has a hint of fangs you never loved me! and even though you say you do and you did and you always will I know different!

~ Lexabella~

Loving you is a Waste!

I should have guessed you were with her... You told me i was your only... The only one you ever thought of... I wanted you more than anything... But you know what... You left me in the dark along with all your rusty toys... i know sit in the bathroom bleeding... your name carved in my arm.... i miss you but your not missing me you have someone else to worry about.... did she ever tell you that she plans to murder your family....well she told me.... right after she gave me those pills and carved your name in my arm... i do miss you i hope you won't miss me... it will be to late by the time you get this.... I love you and always will...

~ Lexabella~

My letter to Heaven...

Dear Kellin,
Happy poems are always at the wrong time in my life I never smile since you past...You were the love of my life... I wish you didn't have to go! Why did you? It's not fair... I wanted you to stay... Your head stone says.."In Loving Memory of the one who partied to hard. But didn't love enough. Died in a tub of blood and water." I don't know why all i have to say... is my head stone will say the same... I will see soon i hope this letter finds you...


Love you,
Lexabella

~ Lexabella~

The death of my life...Came with the Death of my Love


You left I hate you for that... since then I've gone atheist... God took you away from me... And I hate him for that...I hate myself to I let you leave...I had a feeling something might happen... But DAMMIT Kristopher!! I love you I loveyou Iloveyou... I miss you more than i missed my Father...I want you back.... My life is shit and I hate you for that... I know I shouldn't i know it's wrong... but i can't stop seeing you every time i close my eyes...your face you laugh and the way you lie... Kris I love you please please don't let me cry

~ Lexabella~

Sorry for it being all over the place....



My best Friend Kris </3 Damn How I miss you Babe!!

I am

I Am a German girl with braces
I Wonder how much you really care
I Hear unicorns in rain clouds
I See Butterflies in dark places
I Want to feel rainbows on a quite day
I Am a German girl with braces

I Pretend my father really loves me
I Feel alone in a big world
I Touch the beating heart of a dead man
I Worry if love is really true
I Cry at night in a frozen bed
I Am a German Girl with braces

I Understand Life is just a phase
I Say love should be set ablaze
I Dream life is forever
I Try I try to make an effort
I Hope one day someone will see that
I Am a German girl with braces

~Lexabella

Text: My life lead to these poems and you didn't live the life i have so therefore i own these poem by life and by law!
Publication Date: 04-11-2011

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
To my life as Torn and Tattered it may be...I live it!