The Love of My Life, Jamilla [good novels to read in english .txt] 📗

Drive My Own Emotions

To me you are transparent

I know you better than you know yourself

He says to me and I can't believe that he's so sure of himself

I take a deep breathe and try to compose

The boiling sensation within myself

But its a flame inside of me that I feel must be felt

Lets set one thing straight about this bentley of beats

Beating in me

No one knows it better than me

I cried for it daily, alone, constantly

This Ferrari of feeling doing donuts in my pool of emotions

You wouldn't survive, would be too overwhelmed

In the depths of my internal ocean

So how could you know it better than me

With an belligerant attitude I will rectify the perpetual indifference of

Thoughts of myself and yours

I am the diver of my own emotional vehicle

I drive not you.

Love Thy Self

Love thy self for you are a beautiful piece of gold

Shining through the oceans salt water

Even under the water pressure you will not fold

Some will come and try to destroy you

Critize you and threaten to leave

But just like the huge forest trees

You must stay rooted and keep yourself grounded

Looking past their ignorance and straight through to your beauty

Uncontionally love thy self

You'd love me too if you knew me.

Dedication to Kellie A.

Love
How deep does your love go if I still

Yearn for so much

You lie right beside me and yet

I'm still a stranger to your sincerest touch

How is it "I love you" can escape your lips

And your eyes still lack desire

Have we lost our spark

Has a rain storm extinguished our fire

Conversation use to be infinite

Now they're extremely limited

Sometimes I just look at you and wonder

How did a wounded heart become the companion

Of one that has the inability to show affection

But everytime I come up with the same explanation

My love runs deeper than any flaw

And love is eternal and love conquers all

One day you'll get it

One day it'll come through

And guess where I'll be babe?

Standing right beside you.


pt>SoulMate (continuation of Her Better Half)
I'm so fustrated at myself my head is f***ing pounding

My heart is in so much pain I'm emotionally drowning

Trying with everything I got to keep my head above water

I would have never came near you if I'd known my heart you would slaughter

I drop into a deep depression whenever I hear you laugh

Because not far behind it come the vision of your smile, you were once my better half

Now your like a disease running freely through my veins

And everything I learned from you lies embedded in my brain

It fustrated you that I would not speak very often

It had you wondering about me, suddenly you became cautious

Your patience wore thin just couldn't take not understanding

You just couldn't seem to get through no matter how bad you were demanding

They say people fear what they don't understand, did you fear me

Is that what it was to make you leave and no longer stand by me

Because nothing could have snatched me from your right side

I loved you with all of me and to please you everyday I tried

My grip held on tight to your ribs as I found peace on your chest

As we would breathe in harmony your chest to my breast

I found peace in being with you I mean that's what I thought

Until the day you decided to leave me crying and distraught

But the woman you'll see in due time I have to admit you help create

You use to be my better half, true. But I am my own soul mate.


Heart Turned Cold

All I hear are silent cries

As tears release from lonely eyes

As screams unleash from unopened mouths

None from the parent all from the child

Having to bear all that's unbelieved

And try to trust in those who decieve

Try to stay focused and not mislead

Heart turned cold can no longer bleed

A young life not believed to be important

When through your soul lifes a huge disappointment

Body warm but heart cold as the artic

My only question is how it all started

How my heart turned cold

How I sold my soul

How all my secrets told

And lies unfold

I ask God is this the life I chose

To see the people you once knew bodies drop lifelessly to the ground

Nothing to be heard gunshots the only sound

The sun never shines it's forever dark

As your soul dies and so does your heart.


Fallen Soldier

As the night wind screamed

As the hollow bullet beamed

Into an unexpecting body with many goals and many dreams

He's expecting a child of his own

To leave this life alone

To try and do right and stop doing wrong.

When the first bullet hit his leg he went into shock

Even more so the second time the gun was cocked

Because it was pointed at his face

Maybe by mistake

But sorry won't bring him back dog it's too late

Went through his lip exploded in his brain

For this time and this moment let it rain, let it rain

Another soldier lost in the hood wars of life

His girls expecting his baby can no longer expect to be his wife

He will live on through his daugher or his son

Maybe they will learn that if you live by it then you'll die by the gun

He will know who his father is

He'll understand and see

That he should be proud to the child of this man that use to be

Everyday that goes on without him gets colder

Let us all plead and moarn for our fallen soldier.


Man Of My Heart ©The man of my heart my rise and my fall

The worst habit I've ever encountered The worst attachment I ever saw

A voice that made me cringe one I completely despised

But in the instant it whispered to me sweet nothings it would end my cries

A face i would wipe out if ever given the chance

But that moment we are alone and your starring into my eyes I feel out of this world in a trance

My bad habit yet my heart

Feel forced to pull us together when we are in each other's presence

Yet feel the need to pull us apart.

Jamilla

That Filthy Female

She looks at me in disgust

How could anyone love such a filthy female

Dirt that isn't soley on the surface

Rather embedded in my flesh

Impurites that run so deeply

That the true color of my complextion is now a mystery

Nothing left to fall in love with

No part of my any longer fresh

The streaks of men scattered upon my body like s*** stains

So does that make me the s*** of just full of it

She frowns her face at me

Then turns her nose up

If I was crying and dying I doubt she'd let me drink of her cup

Just leave me to die

The world might be better off because

Who could love such a Filthy Female

Who's had more men than one could count on both hands

Has had equivalant expericences of those of hoeish men

Making her the same as them

Who loved to be loved if only for a moment in time

Never thinking of tomorow because that s*** might not ever come

But who could love such a Filthy Female

Not knowing that there was a man that lyed in the shadows

Watching my every move

Adoring the ground I walked on

Although the things I did He greatly disapproved

But not loving me any less

But again who could love such a Filthy Female

But He did more by the day, He wanted nothing more than to

Hold me, comfort me

And keep me safe from harm

But how could it be that this woman, displayed such hate toward me

And tells me I'm not worthy to have such a love

But I know this to be true

And it still hurts to know that this woman is in the mirror

This woman is You

To feel hate boil from within

It's kind of like your body digesting itself

Trying to rid itself of the many men

But for the life out you the stinch won't leave you

Open your heart to God and His son and He promises to make all things new

He will unconditionally love that Filthy Female

That Filthy Female that use to be you

HHis promise is to love you even when you can't love yourself

He will wash away your sins

And all your pain He will melt

As it falls from your sides and trickles down your face

You will drop down to your knees and praise Jesus who finally gave you peace

That Filthy Female


Her Better Half
©He walks with a sense of confidence that she has not possessed herself

He stands up with so much pride and yet on his side tensed is how she felt

He holds his head up high with this peculiar sense of self worth

And yet the woman he calls his lady lingers behind with her eyes to the dirt

He was raised by his mother to love himslef and not focus on his flaws

But she was raised with no guidance was raised by no one at all

How could these two souls meet and bond despite what lies against them

He vows to love her unconditionally and help her be more like him.... To be continued

Don't Admire My Cover Until You Read my book
©People look at me with admiration and hope

They all say she's so