Whimsical Poems of A Weirdo, R.J McIntosh [good short books txt] 📗

Panty Thief

There once was a thief named Ray,

She snuck out at night to play.

She went into drawers of woman and men,

stealing there underwear again and again.

 

The people were angered their panties all missing,

Searching for the culprit everyone hissing.

Ray heard of this and said with glee,

"Oh boy, oh boy how fun will this be!"

So the thief decided to make this a game,

She would steal a pair of undies no pair the same.

Ready to play, the pieces in place,

She took off each night stealing without a trace.

 

The men and women angrier than before,

"We will kill the thief!" this they swore.

Hearing the threats made upon her life,

she smiled laughing at the peoples strife.

With the stakes up and her life on the line,

She told herself "No one will know this deed is mine!"

Unaware of the plan they were brewing,

Ray ran out for the next pair she was pursuing.

 

The woman and men gathered around,

their plan was perfect the culprit will be found.

That night the thief snuck out,

the villagers were all spread about.

A rope holding a pair of bloomers caught her eye,

So quickly she ran it seemed that she could fly.

As soon as she touched them a man cried.

"We found you you thief! Its time for you to die!"

 

With a swish of his knife he cut the rope,

Ray fell to the ground losing all hope.

Rubbing her arse she looked up at the crowd.

"Umm I'm sorry. Please Don't hurt me" she cowed.

The women growled ready to bite,

Ray chuckled running out of sight

.So fast was this thief no one could catch,

She left the town without a single scratch.

The panties that were lost remained missing,

Oh how the people hated that thief Ray Wissing!

The Fish That Wanted to Fly

 

He watched the birds who loved to fly.

Flapping his fins just as he had seen them do,

Nothing happened never once had he flew.

 

Saddened by this undeniable fact,

He weeped in the ocean wanting to retract.

Soon there was a gull who heard the fish's cry,

He swooped down from the sky wandering why.

The fish looked up and sadly replied,

"No matter what I do I will never be able to fly."

 

The gull twisted his head and came up with a plan,

"How about you hop into my mouth and fly just like man."

The fish jumped for joy and enter it's mouth,

And with that the two flew north, east, and finally south.

The sky was just as beautiful as he imagined it to be,

Causing him to clap his fins with glee.

 

The Gull was now hungry from all the flying he had done,

Then another idea had occurred to him the thread was spun.

With a chuckle the gull asked,

How do you like the sky did you have a blast?

The fish nodded and screamed with joy,Oh yes, oh yes, this is better than any toy.

The gull congratulated the fish and gave him a final sigh,

Well I am quite hungry, and it is time for our goodbye.

The fish nodded waiting to reach the ground,

The gull jerked his head up and gulped him down.

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Publication Date: 04-25-2015

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