Cereal, Brianne K [best autobiographies to read .txt] 📗

Cereal for Mureal

 

Howdy to you all!

I am not vey small.

As a vey big star

I have come vey far.

My boots are high healed

And I live in a field

Flashing lights and a stage

Since I was almost three in age.

So let’s turn back the page

So I can tell ya’ll how I became a mage.

I had dreams of singen

Not the normal word slingen

County singen

Yes the sweet bringen!

The beautiful sticks

Along with the beautiful… hicks?

Anyway let’s get back on track

Before the chef makes a snack

Three years and four months

Me and my ma lived in the dumps

It was hard timen and strife

No pa and hardly a life.

Not even a cent to our name

Me and ma wandered dirt roads in shame.

One day ma put me in bed

That is when she said,

“You ain't no girl of mine,

If you ain't gunna shine!”

She yanked and brushed my hair

That’s when I said, “Momma, I swear!”

Sassy and an ol’ cus she was

She slapped my face for just because

Later we met a man down south

He had an abnormally large mouth

His hat could hold ten gallons

And his nails were so long, they looked like talons

He took me by the shoulders

And shook me like a bag of boulders

With ma right beside me

I thought I might pee

But she told me to be good

And I said I understood

With just one look

She put me in a nook

The man said, “I’m your daddy now!”

In the back a cat said, “Meow!”

I looked at ma confused

She looked back just as bemused

So let’s jump ahead a year or two

To when I became extremely blue

I was beautiful as a child

But sadly I was restyled

I am in a need for braces

My teeth shouldn’t belong to any girl faces

A cute little freckle on my right cheek

The one that made me look super chic

Grew into a gruesome mole

It tries to jump into my cereal bowl!

But sadly when it succeeds

Another one always breeds

I love cereal so much!

Especially when it’s Dutch

It helps my face lip sync

Oh, I mean sing…

Let’s face it that’s something from my shrink

There goes my tractor about to sink

I can’t sing worth a darn

Maybe because I was born in a barn

I can howl and I can hoo!

But for some strange reason I can never moo.

My horse sings better than I can

His beautiful name is Dan

He’s not your normal horse

You see he’s a flyen Pegasus of course!

He runs and he jumps and goes like, “Nay!”

And his favorite snack is a big bail of hay

Well since I'm sharen so may secrets

I’ll tell you now I have many regrets

How is my syncing, (I mean singing) career so big?

I’m not really sure let me ask my pig

Silly pig you don’t eat albedo

Good gracias all mighty you’re a weirdo!

Anyways my manager is sick

As in he’s kinda a di… duck! He’s a duck.

He called me ugly and kicked me out

So I'm letten myself go and becomen stout

As you can see my misfortune lies

Within the gods, their eyes

No unfortunate misdeed is responsible

Only unfortunate genes are understandable

Dan was like “Nay!”

And I said “Yay!”

So I jumped on my horse and here I am

Asken them gods a favor like, BAM!

Zeus looked at me and said

“What are you doing out of bed?

Your name is Mureal!”

“Ha!” I said, “Look, Mr. Managerial

My name may be Mureal,”

I stopped to think than said, “But all I want is a big bowl of cereal!”

“Really? That’s all you want?”

“Sir, if I wanted more, I’d go to a restaurant.”

So he snapped his fingers

And I went “Bajingers!”

There in front of me

Sweeter than a honey bee

The biggest bowl of sugary cereal

For this BIG SUGARY MUREAL!

I took a bite

And what a fright!

My mole disappeared and my teeth went straight

And appeared next to me was a handsome mate

Now I can sing mighty fine!

So Zeus, pour the wine!

 

Happy as a Clam!

Cliché:  Happy as a clam!

 

Once there was a sailor who loved the sight of open sea, the smell of salt water, and the spray of mist on his skin. He would go out to sea for months at a time and unlike many of his crew, he didn’t have a wife or kids of his own so leaving his shack of a house and exploring open waters on his ship wasn’t a hassle, but a joy. The sea was his real home. This sailor's name was Arnold. Arnold was a man of many joys, but when he was out at sea his favorite thing to do was sit on the deck of the ship at night and listen for the musical sounds of mermaids singing in a language unknown to him. He would sit and listen until he either grew too tired or one of his men found him slumped against the side of the ship and helped him back to his cabin.        

    Arnold always had a big toothy smile on his face. Most of the time it was for nothing at all, he just loved to be happy. One day a fellow sailor asked him why he was so happy and he replied, “Because I love to see the sea and the sky and most of all the silly seals playing on the ocean waves.” The sailor looked at Arnold like he was crazy, and maybe he was… just a little.

    As his large sleek ship sailed across the choppy waves of the sea Arnold noticed to his dismay the mermaid’s song wasn’t as loud in stormy conditions. The rain poured down as if a great water bucket were being emptied out into the raging sea from the sky. The wind was a howling wolf alone on the arch of each crashing wave; and the ocean itself was a poorly light pathway of moonlight as twisted as a gypsy’s ribbon. The ship rocked dangerously with each torrent of whipping wind. Arnold stayed on deck all night through the storm waiting for the beautiful night song of the sea. Sadly he never heard it.

In the morning Arnold’s clothing was soaked through to his skin. He was laying on his back and he felt the soft rise and fall of the ship under him. His nostrils stung with salt and his eyes were plastered shut with crust from tears so pitifully shed for the song he longed to hear. He rubbed his face and sat up on his elbow. The ship seemed to be very unsteady this morning because when he pulled himself up into a sitting position he almost fell back on his elbows, and to his surprise, he rolled sideways and fell straight into freezing cold salt water. He had been on a piece of driftwood not his ship.

He pulled himself back onto the piece of driftwood, which he realized was actually part of his ship, or it had been part of his ship. He lay down on his stomach and stretched his legs and fingertips into the water. He smiled, ‘What a nice day.’ he thought to himself. He lay on his stomach for hours just listening to the ocean lap at his makeshift boat and felt the sun bare down on the back of his neck. As soon as the sun started to set Arnold closed his eyes and imagined he could hear the musical sounds of mermaids singing. ‘What a beautiful song.’ he thought to himself, ‘If only it were real.’ He laid completely still and hummed along to the tuneless melody. Than he listened closer. The song wasn’t imagined at all.

All around him the song could be heard. He lifted his head and crawled farther onto the driftwood to look into the water. Deep in the gloomy water was a sparkling blue fish. Arnold was awestruck by its beauty, the way it swirled and gracefully moved with the waves was hypnotizing. He smiled and watched it move along the darkened water. The sun was now gone and the moon had appeared on the horizon. There were no clouds in the sky and the first star was starting to appear. The mermaid’s song was very loud and sweet, it was so loud in fact, he almost had to cover his ears.

He looked down at the fish which seemed to be glowing under the moonlight; he had never seen something so dazzling. The fish was moving in a figure eight right under him and was slowly moving closer to the surface of the water. As the fish made its way closer to the surface its form seemed to morfe. It grew larger and as it surfaced just a few feet away it took the form of an alluring young woman. As soon as her head surfaced the song stopped.

Arnold was very surprised to see a young woman at sea and didn’t know what to do. The girl smiled showing perfect teeth her eyes glowing as white as mother-of-pearl. Her hair was as black as the midnight sky with shining pieces silver intertwined in her delicate flowing locks. “Hello.” The creature said in a musical watery voice.

“Hello,” Arnold replied automatically. “What’s your name?” he didn’t know what else to say. The girl laughed and swam closer.

“My name?” she asked, “You find a girl in the middle of the ocean and you ask for her name?” she raised a slender eyebrow questioningly. He was on his hands and knees his eyes wide.

“Yes.” Arnold answered nodding his head vigorously. The girl was close enough that Arnold could reach out and touch her, and no matter how much he wanted to, he stayed his hand. The girl laughed again resting her head on the edge of the driftwood.

“Do you know what a clam is?” Arnold blinked in confusion at the strange question. When he didn’t answer, the mermaid said, “My name is Brilla.” Arnold just stared at her. She cocked her head gazing at him expectantly.

“Oh!” Arnold exclaimed, “I'm Arnold.” he put his right hand out to her. Brilla’s eyebrows went together as she cautiously reached for his hand. She gripped it and then smiling, yanked Arnold off his little makeshift raft.

The mermaid Brilla was pulling Arnold down far beneath the crashing waves of the sea, he held his breath. The water grew darker and the pressure on Arnold’s head grew greater. She pulled him twisting and turning on invisible currents, going so deep he thought for sure his lungs would burst. But at the last second she slanted upright and the pressure on his skull started to decrease. In the distance was a shimmering light. As they got closer Arnold realized it was a tall platform