poems for the loss of our babies, Forest Ostrander [good beach reads .TXT] 📗

of sleep. "Oh, MAN" I thought to myself...."he's just sleeping! How silly of me to think he was dead!" I walked to the other side of the bed, where he was, and shone the flashlight on his face, as I called his name....his eyes were open, as his body lay still. It wasn't until I touched him that my world came shattering down....he was lifeless. Rainbow was dead. Rainbow had gone to the Rainbow Bridge.

My eyes bulged from their sockets as I gasped and held my hand over my mouth. I ran downstairs, and found my husband in the garage, ready to leave for work. I could barely speak the words that come next. "Stephen, Rainbow is dead....I found him under our bed." I HATED myself for saying it! I could no longer hold the pain in. Stephen ran up the stairs to me and led me back into the house. I thought I would collapse. My sobbing changed to uncontrollable, loud cries, and Stephen handed me a towel to muffle the miserable noises of my despair. (Our baby was asleep, and we didn't want to scare her.) He opened the front door and asked me to stay outside, so he could get Rainbow's body. I stayed on the porch, reviewing our entire three years in my mind.....my body shook uncontrollably.....I put the towel over my mouth as cries of despair escaped my mouth. My soul hurt....badly. I was sitting on the concrete of the porch, body slumped, head to knees, rocking back and forth....I felt as if I would die.

I composed myself as best as I could, and found Stephen in the garage...picking up the shovel to dig Rainbow's grave. My heart sank when I saw the box laying on the floor of the garage. Stephen brought the box to the back deck, and went to the far back yard to dig Rainbow's grave. I kept looking at the box and burying my head in my towel, sobbing. I finally found the strength to pick up the box and carry it next to the grave that was being dug for him. I stared at the box, and finally opened it...and there was my Rainbow.....curled up in a peaceful sleeping position, with a serene look on his face. My body shuddered when I picked him up and placed him on my lap. My tears rained down on his body, and I pet his silky, now wet, gray and white fur. Out of instinct, I did just did what I had done a thousand times before....I began singing Amazing Grace....choking on the words. Over and over, I sang "our song" and rocked him for the last time. I was devastated when Stephen stopped digging and it was time to let him go. "Oh, God...what happened to Rainbow?! I would do ANYTHING just to hear him purr one last time!! Just to tell him that I love him and always will!! Just to feel the warmth of his body!!! Just to see him once more gazing at me lovingly!!! OH GOD!! Please don't make me let him go....PLEASE!!!"

There was nothing left to do, except release his body to the earth and pray that his soul was aware of the fact that I will love him, always.

The next day, still wrought by emotional pain, I had no choice but to go to the grocery store for some necessities we were completely out of. My sister was over to help me out and let me grieve. She took care of my daughter, Caitlin, when and if I needed to cry and be alone. I told her I had to take a quick trip to the store.

The sun was shining...completely opposite of what I was feeling that day. There was not a cloud in the sky and the weather channel reported no rain for days. None whatsoever.

At the store, I rushed to get the things I needed. My eyes were nearly swollen shut from crying so hard.....my heart and soul ached. I completely "lost it" when I heard the store radio playing "I see your true colors shining through, I see your true colors, and that's why I love you. So don't be afraid to let them show. Your true colors are beautiful, like a RAINBOW..." There mere mention of "Rainbow" sent me over the edge, and I was mortified that I could not keep my composure in the store!

Driving home, as embarrassed as I am to admit, I found myself actually "talking" with Rainbow. There I was, balling my eyes out, choking and sobbing and literally begging to him out loud: "Please, Rainbow, PLEASE send me a sign. Let me know you are okay...I NEED to know you're okay and safe and happy. I NEED to know that you still know that I love you! I DON'T wish to bother you, but Rainbow, PLEASE! I need to know that the shooting star yesterday morning wasn't just a coincidence....I'M SORRY that I am so desperate......but I beg of you, Rainbow, if you can....PLEASE RAINBOW!!! Send me something....ANYTHING!!"

I honestly thought I was going crazy. When I entered the house, my sister noticed that I was crying more and tried to console me. I meekly told my sister what I had done. She told me I was simply grieving....and to go ahead and do whatever I needed to do. I asked her to unpack the car for me, so I could sit at Rainbow's grave. I sat down, and apologized to Rainbow for my behavior.....

WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS, what happened next is 100% TRUE...

As I sat at Rainbow's grave....darkness flooded the sky. Clouds swept in, as heavy rain came down for approximately two minutes. I ran in the house, switching on the weather channel. There was no mention of rain....none. As quickly as it happened, it was over.....within three minutes of the start of the clouds and rain, the sun was shining brightly once again, as if nothing ever happened.....

I was sincerely perplexed....was THIS my sign? It really WAS kind of out of the ordinary! I stood at the glass door and stared out toward the freshly dug grave. My sister looked at me and smiled, but I still wasn't convinced that this was "it"...

My husband walked through the door and yelled for me to come look out the front.....

I knew what it was before I even saw it....there it was...a HUGE rainbow streaked the sky! I stepped outside onto the porch, and serenely watched the rainbow until it faded away. My heart somehow felt lighter, and with knowing smile, I thanked Rainbow for the "sign". I will never, EVER believe for a second that this occurrence was a coincidence. The FACT was this: RAINBOW HAD SENT ME A RAINBOW!!!

As miraculous and amazing as he was in life, he was even MORE so in his death....never ceasing to amaze me....THAT was my beloved Rainbow!

I love you, Rainbow.......I'll see you when my time comes...and then we will be together, forever.

Pattyann Herbert

Request From Rainbow Bridge

by Constance Jenkins

In Loving Memory of Isolde Jenkins


Weep not for me though I am gone
Into that gentle night.
Grieve if you will, but not for long
Upon my soul's sweet flight.
I am at peace, my soul's at rest
There is no need for tears.
For with your love I was so blessed
For all those many years.
There is no pain, I suffer not,
The fear now all is gone.
Put now these things out of your thoughts,
In your memory I live on.
Remember not my fight for breath
Remember not the strife.
Please do not dwell upon my death,
But celebrate my life.

********************

Copyright (c) 1992 Constance Jenkins
Reprinted by permission. All Rights Reserved.

Solace

From the silence of your pain I heard my name
and on the wings of light I have come
to see the sadness in your eyes
that cry without tears

Can you see me, I am here
I will always be near you
to calm your shattered heart
and to make you smile at the memories

Do you feel me, perhaps a soft brush of fur
You ache to believe it's real
but you are afraid to hope
You brush away a strand of hair
But it was I, whispering.....

I am only here for but a moment
The silver thread gently quivers
I will leave behind my love in a dream
When you awaken, and without really knowing why

Your heart will know at last
That it is all right, for now
to say good-bye


Copyright © Lisa Carmel Singer Printed with permission

TESS

Sweet Tess,

Today I sit alone and cry
your loss so sad I can't describe
my memories soar a wave so high
your playful bow your twinkling eye

Your life was full if not so long
you gave so much and asked for none
your ease with us your clumsy grace
oh Tess you're better than this place

Our Mum and Dad stayed by your side
and helped you through that final slide
they'll miss you so just as will I
I was not there to say good-bye

My dear sweet Tess you've gone to rest
but this I know you've stood the test
your heart of gold it will remain
a part of us where you shall reign

Your spirit bright it fills my heart
still I can't bear to see you part
today I sit alone and cry
tomorrow I'll stand and say good-bye

Allison Carpenter '97


THE CURATE THINKS YOU HAVE NO SOUL

The curate thinks you have no soul;
I know that he has none. But you,
Dear friend, whose solemn self-control,
In our foursquare familiar pew,
Was pattern to my youth -- whose bark
Called me in summer dawns to rove --
Have you gone down into the dark
Where none is welcome -- none may love?
I will not think those