Reality, Stupidity, Hypocrisy And Humanity, Santosh Jha [manga ereader TXT] 📗

the conscious thoughtfulness that the situational success that I was in, had made the subconscious ingenuity enslave the conscious ‘I’. The protagonist that the conscious self was on the stage of life-living was in fact only enacting the script that subconscious success-benchmark had screen-played in advance. It happened in such unease of tumult of disharmony and dichotomy between two dimensions of the Self.

Third day in a row and my fever was abnormally high, refusing to die down. The pain, unease and incapacitation were calamitous but that was not troubling my conscious self. In the next three days, I had a very crucial event in my office and I had to be in good readiness to match and even surpass the benchmark of excellence that I had established for myself. I desperately needed to be fighting fit.

Late in the evening, I surrendered. My conscious self admitted defeat and accepted that I had lost the opportunity that the event could extend to bolster further success in my career. This very acceptance somehow seemed to have brought my being in sync with present-ness of time and space. I surrendered my conscious self that was living up the probabilities of potentials of a near future. This brought it in close proximity to my own subconscious self that instinctively was there, well-informed of the ‘troubled’ situation at hand. This situationed the inevitability of the interface of conscious with subconscious – both stood in linearity with singular moment of situation of the present. This is the least and simplest of narrations of probably a rather complex body-mind situation that was there.

Probably, both conscious and subconscious layers being in linearity and symmetry, they jointly addressed the singularity of situation – my pain and incapacitation. This linearity and symmetry potentialed the probability of a magnificent magicality. Why I say this? Because now I can say that it is very rare in our busy and multi-tasking world of life-living to have a situation where our subconscious and conscious mind layers stand in linearity for a singular situation of joint enterprise. Almost often, our conscious self is busy with one issue and the subconscious is engaged in another usually unrelated task. The ‘connect’ between the two is either missing or too weak. This dualism, conflict or asymmetry between two layers is something we do not even register but it always happens. This ‘split’ is probably our body-mind make up and an innate situation, thanks to the evolution of our complex brain states. That late evening this linearity and symmetry happened, which I can speak of only now. However, still, something was missing for the magic to unravel and unleash…!

Few minutes later, I consciously began to sing, with lots of gathered strength, a song my departed father used to sing. It was worded as, ‘Suniye Nath Gareeb Nawaj… Aayi Sharan Mein Tujhe Meri Laaj… (Do kindly listen O Lord of the needy and destitute. I have surrendered to you and you have to help me).’ With high fever, pain and incapacitation, it was tough to sing and therefore required a very ‘Conscious’ effort in my part. Also, as the song itself had a deep association and ‘connect’ with the memory of my father, who used to sing this song, I also wept and kept singing for an hour or so. The subconscious state that was completely drenched and drowned in helplessness and debilitation, probably found itself a supportive advocacy of conscious self and together there was a singular, definitive and unflinching expression and communication of an emergency need for immediate ‘help’…!

The night I slept and could not remember much as probably I was in a delirium. Early morning I found myself in the pool of sweat. I experienced untold weakness but my mind felt fresh. My conscious self had clarity of thoughtfulness and fever was down to normal. The day passed and fever did not come back. In the night, when usually fever used to be high, the fever returned but was very mild. Next day, I was normal and on my toes and eventually made it to my crucial office event and did well.

This experience and experiment has been repeated three more times successfully since then and every time a new element was added, even when I could ascertain that the core ‘magic’ remained the same. We shall try to decipher the ‘magic’ after detailing the other three experiments as every other experience had something new in them…

Four years back, my lower back pain came to stay as a permanent thing in my life. Initially, the pain was very crippling in the morning and as the day progressed, it was bearable. I sort of accepted that as it was something very common, especially for tall man like me, I ignored it. I did some yoga exercise but it worsened the pain. In the next two months, pain and stiffness worsened and it became tough for me to do even my daily routine. I had in my mind the ‘magic’ that I had earlier experimented as only a year back, I had repeated this successfully with another fever bout. However, I realized that as lower back was something always there with me, even since my youth days and so I believed it was something related with my skeletal frame, which was naturally deteriorating with age. I was reluctant to repeat my experiment with back pain as I was sure it was not a malaise but a physical reality of a degenerative body that was only natural.

This time, it all happened unplanned and spontaneous. One morning not only the back pain was acute and intense but also, the pain moved up to upper back and reached bottom of my neck. The whole day, I had nothing to do and there was no business at hand. I just kept lying on my bed, was silent and as usual, surrendered myself to the situation. I didn’t sing. I could not as even breathing was a tough ask. Didn’t remember my father, didn’t invoke divinity. I simply focused on my pain. It was like I called up my pain and sat with it and respectfully and humbly showed up my tears. I remembered a folklore about a fakeer (hermit) who wailed and wept inconsolably and cured any diseased person who came to him. I wept and wailed and all along consciously focused on the pain as if it was a person and I was directing my tears and wails to ‘him’…

Nothing magical happened next day. Probably, the pain and intensity were the same. However, next day, there were troubles with my mother. She had serious trouble with her health and I simply forgot my own self and almost subconsciously dived into a routine of unending work to extend best possible care and support to her. Almost 15 days passed and as she continued to be serious all these days, I simply could not even register the actuality of severity of my own pain and incapacitation. My mother started to be well and I too had some leisure time first time in 15 days. Suddenly, I registered that somehow I had managed single-handedly everything in past 15 days, even when my condition was such that I even had huge trouble moving around. I realized the lower back pain was still there but very mild and even disappeared for day or two and would again come back. In months to come, the inflammation that was so intense that even slight press of the affected area was impossible, I could now massage it and felt no pain. Of course, lower back pain is not fully gone but it is not permanent; comes back occasionally and that too very mild, whenever I overstretch things.

Similar success happened with what looked like initial prostate trouble. It is common in maternal side of my family and I was already expecting it. This experiment was somewhat similar to what had happened with back pain. Again, it was like summoning the problem, having an audience with it and respectfully expressing my incapacitation with simplicity of honesty and humility. This time, there were no tears, no wails just an intense and long conscious talk with my own ‘self’. Things began to improve after a week and I kept the ‘talk process’ on for two-three times…

Most interesting and very appealing is the last experience, which happened a few months back. I had tooth pain and it had lasted a week. I rarely take a pain killer but I did all home remedies like salt-turmeric paste rubbing, clove oil, etc. No relief. After a week, the pain shot up and spread to ears and forehead. The pain was shooting and pulsating, making it hard even to sleep. I took painkillers reluctantly for two days but it only provided relief for few hours. The pain intensified.

On probably 9th day of my tooth pain, it was unbearable and still, there was no rest possible. I had a long day of work and it could not be possibly avoided. As I mustered up courage to begin the day with my work, it flashed in my mind that I should do the experiment that had thrice been successful. However, deep inside, I felt this time it wouldn’t work as I thought, as I had planned it, my brain has already got aware that I was consciously attempting to selfishly use the experiment for relieving pain and that would alert my subconscious. I dropped the idea.

An hour later, I changed my mind and thought, why not take a chance, the pain is killing me, what is the loss; anyway I am up and doing my work. This time however, very consciously, I changed the core element of my experiment. I chose a song I had heard from the legendary musician of India, Bharat Ratna, Ustad Bismillah Khan Saheb, based on Raag Bhairav Of Indian classical musical tradition that is worded like, ‘Allah Hi Allah Jalle Shan Allah… Rim jhim Baras Ho Noor Tazalla… Allah Hi Allah…(A praise of the almighty Allah).

I kept with my work and recited the composition 40-50 times throughout the day. It is irrelevant, yet being mentioned just for information that I am born Hindu, Brahmin but do not engage in the question of traditional religion and divinity. The day passed and late in the night, I could manage to sleep. It was a dreamless sleep and so deep that I could not even register how long I had slept. Early morning, I woke up an hour before sunrise on my fixed time. It was winter night and I had my quilt over me. As I awoke, I felt numbness in my body. It took a few seconds before I could register that I could move my body. Seconds later I could realize I was in a pool of sweat and as I checked my skin, I could feel that sweating had been profuse and probably the whole night as there was thick sticky layer on my skin. Probably after five minutes I could shift my attention to my tooth pain, which was still there but felt very much bearable. As the day progressed, the pain died down considerably and in the next two days, there was only this somatic sensation that reminded that there was this massive pain there. Third day, everything was normal…

Before we proceed to interpretation of different probable aspects of the experiments and experiences sketched above, there are a few important things that need categorical mention. The experiments may seem to suggest religious insinuations as it may look like God or divinity are being invoked and connected with. However, I must make it amply clear that it was not. My position regarding God and divinity is neither atheist nor a theist nor an agnostic. I have already written an eBook on this issue titled, ‘I Am God’. We shall deal with it later.

Secondly, it may seem that experiment is primarily associated with pain, physical trouble and its cure, but I must say it is not.