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things.
I was not sure if this stuff had been checked out by the staff here or not. I knew that if they had checked into it, they either met with dead ends, or were threatened into keeping silent about what they had found out about my previous life.
Either way, it was a gutsy move on her part. I was more than just a little impressed with her actions. She had made my day. In fact, she had made my year! I hoped against hope, that she would be able to reach Mr. Finchley or Charlie Brooks. But I had to find a way to keep myself occupied in the meantime. I had to keep from looking more anxious than normal while I waited.
I decided to ask if I could be let out into the gated yard outside. This was not by any means an unusual request from me. I had asked many times before to be allowed outside. They usually complied with my requests. It posed no threat to anyone. They knew I was not violent. The others outside were in their own worlds and so not much interaction occurred anyway. They granted me my request, they allowed me two hours.
The outside air was fresh and warm. I sat on the bench which was bolted to the ground on the only piece of cement in the yard. It was big enough to seat four people of normal size, or two people with above normal weight. I was the only one sitting though. The others were chasing imaginary butterflies or simply standing in one place twisting their bodies and flailing their arms. I wondered how much the medicines had to do with their actions.
My mind drifted in and out of thoughts of Jennifer and her beauty. I tried to imagine how such a beautiful woman had escaped marriage for so long. I tried to see myself from her point of view. I could not blame her for her skepticism. If I were in her shoes, I would be just as cautious if not more so. I probably would not have given me the benefit of any doubt. But there you have it; she had shown me she was made of more than I could see on the outside.
Two hours came and went. That is at least by my time clock. Where was Carl? He should have been here by now to open the door to let me back inside. Not that I was in any hurry, it just seemed a little strange. Carl was usually right on schedule. He was my time clock. I knew what time it was by his punctuality. I hoped it was just my imagination that Carl was late. I did not want to start second guessing what time of the day it actually was.
The door opened and Carl motioned me that it was time to come inside. There were other workers outside, and I could have asked any of them to let me inside. They only needed to ring the bell and announce through the speaker box that they needed access.
But Carl and I had created a sort of a bond. It was still a business as usual type of bond, but a bond nonetheless. That’s why I still called him by his first name when we were alone. I didn’t do it when we were in mixed company. I did not wish to get him into trouble.
Carl really did not seem to mind me calling him by his first name. He would pull rank once in awhile, just to remind me who was in charge. That’s why he did it the other day; it was his way of reminding me to respect his position.
I actually did respect Carl; he had done a lot for me over the last six years. I just couldn’t convince him I was as sane as he was. But that was not his fault it was the fault of the army. They were the ones to blame for causing these people to believe I was out of my mind.
They had convinced them that I was a civilian under contract with them who had simply lost it after spending too much time working and not enough time on R& R. They even hinted on L.S.D. usage when I wasn’t supervised. They had swallowed the story hook line and sinker. How were they to know any different? Especially when I came to them ranting and raving like a maniac about this being part of a government cover-up. I must have really appeared to them to be out of my mind.
Things were different now. I had since become more sedate. Partly because I knew it was pointless to keep on fighting quite so hard, and partly because I was just tired of telling my story. They were never going to believe it anyway. I still maintained my story; I just mostly kept it between Carl and myself. Although he did not believe me, at least he did not try to bring down the system’s wrath like some of the others had.
I kept hoping one day to convince at least Carl of my sanity. This was one of the things that helped me cope. Carl had in his own way become my best friend. I’m sure he had no idea of this. But it was true just the same.
“Time to come in, Mr. Johnston.”
“Coming, Mr. Schultz.” I waltzed in like I was dancing. “Does this make me appear like I’m a crazy man?” I was being cute, and I saw Carl smile. It was a rare occasion, but it did come out once in awhile. It took my mind off of Jennifer just for a moment. Carl escorted me back to my cell. “Thank you, Carl.”
“Will there be anything else? May I get you room service or something?”
Now you had to know when Carl was actually being friendly. He was not meaning to be snide, he was actually showing friendship, in his own awkward way. It had taken me a few years to figure him out. But that was Carl, and I considered him my friend.
I ate dinner with a new outlook that night. I had renewed hope. Jennifer was out there searching out the truth. I had confidence that if Mr. Finch was out there, she would find him. If not, there was still Charlie Brooks. My mind was going like gang busters. If I kept thinking about it, I would get no sleep at all. I forced myself to listen to the sounds the others were making. I began to see them as potential victims just like I was. Maybe not quite as wronged but at least in the sense that they were in fact suffering just as I was in their own rite.
“All lights, out!”
There it was; the call of the wild. Somehow the darkness quelled the storm within that night. I sank into my pillow without covering my head and went fast asleep. There was no female voice to waken me the following morning. It was the sound of one of the inmates screaming as they hauled him away to give him his weekly bathing.
These baths could be taken voluntarily if one had the reasoning to at least do this for oneself. However, there were plenty in here who could not perform this chore on their own. I was one of the few lucky ones who could. I decided to take advantage of this fact. I asked Carl to allow me to shower. He granted my request.
The shower seemed to cleanse my soul. It had been a week since I had engaged in this ritual cleansing. I needed it badly. We were allowed up to two showers per week. More if the staff felt it was necessary. I simply had not felt like taking one.
I realized now that this was a sign of my depression. But things had taken a sudden turn. Things looked a whole lot brighter these last few days. It felt as if the light at the end of the tunnel was in fact becoming visible.
I dried myself with my towel. Carl had brought me a fresh set of clothes. I put them on quickly. My energy seemed to be renewed. Even Carl seemed to have a puzzled look in his eyes. I just smiled.
“You must be thinking of someone.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I’m noticing a little bit of a change in your demeanor lately.”
“It could be just your imagination.”
“Or maybe it’s a certain someone? Could it be someone with the name Jennifer?”
“You mean Dr. Cowell?”
“Okay, yes, Dr. Cowell.”
“I can’t deny she has had a positive effect on me. She seems to have caught your attention also Carl. But I can see why. She is very beautiful, and smart too.”
“And how can you tell she is smart? It was my understanding that you all but threw her out the first time she tried to talk to you.”
“Yes, but I was a little on the cranky side that day. Now I think she is smarter than YOU!” Carl could not help but laugh.
He escorted me back to my cell and left me alone to think about Jennifer. My thoughts were becoming filled with her and with hope that she could help me prove my sanity. But who was I kidding. I was falling fast and I did not want to let that happen. I knew she had to have someone. Maybe she didn’t have a husband, but at least a boyfriend. She was gorgeous!
I spent the rest of the day daydreaming about her. I did not realize how much time had passed, until I heard the famous words;
“All lights out!”
I dreamed of Jennifer that night. I dreamed she had found Mr. Finchley. I dreamed she had gotten word to those in charge. I dreamed that she had freed me and we were married. No dream was sweeter. Unfortunately, when Jennifer returned, she did not have very good news. In fact, it seemed to me that every fabric of society had conspired against me to keep me in here.
Not only had she found Mr. Finchley, but she found out that he had been dead for most of my six year stay in this hole. As for Mr. Charlie Brooks, the word was that he had taken ill with some exotic flu about the same time as Mr. Finchey’s death, and expired himself.
“I’m sorry that the results were not what you had hoped for.”
“At least I know what their status is. I would rather know the truth than to go on wondering. This should at least make you wonder, right?”
“I must admit, it does seem a little strange that two of your acquaintances would end up dying so close together.
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