Life of St Teresa of Jesus, Teresa of Avila [top ten books to read TXT] 📗

and recollected, she cannot be persuaded, were they to

tear her into a thousand pieces, that it is any other than God

who is working in her and speaking to her.

“29. God has given her a most wonderfully strong and valiant

spirit: she was once timid; now she tramples on all the evil

spirits. She has put far away from herself all the littleness

and silliness of women; she is singularly free from scruples, and

most sincere.

“30. Besides, our Lord has given her the gift of most sweet

tears, great compassion for her neighbours, the knowledge of her

own faults, a great reverence for good people, and

self-abasement; and I am certain that she has done good to many,

of whom I am one.

“31. She is continually reminding herself of God, and has a sense

of His presence. All the locutions have been verified, and every

one of them accomplished; and this is a very great test.

“32. Her visions are a source of great clearness in her

understanding, and an admirable illumination in the things

of God.

“33. It was said to her that she should lead those who were

trying her spirit to look into the Scriptures, and that they

would not find that any soul desirous of pleasing God had been so

long deceived.”

2. See Life, ch. xxix. §§ 9-13.

3. De la Fuente thinks she means the religious state.

4. See Life, ch. xxiv. § 8, and ch. xxxi. § 22.

5. See Life, ch. xxiii. § 19.

6. See Life, ch. xxxv. § 2.

7. See Life, ch. ix. § 6, and ch. xiv. § 7.

8. See § 3, above.

9. St. Matt. vi. 31: “Nolite ergo solliciti esse, dicentes: Quid

manducabimus. . . . aut quo operiemur?”

10. See Life, ch. vii. § 2.

11. See Life, ch. ii. § 2.

12. § 2, above.

13. See Life, ch. xx. § 29.

14. See Life, ch. xxxi. § 17.

15. See Life, ch. xxv. § 20.

16. See Life, ch. xxv. §§ 18, 22.

Relation II.

To One of Her Confessors, from the House of Doña Luisa de la Cerda,

in 1562. [1]

Jesus.

I think it is more than a year since this was written; God has

all this time protected me with His hand, so that I have not

become worse; on the contrary, I see a great change for the

better in all I have to say: may He be praised for it all!

1. The visions and revelations have not ceased, but they are of a

much higher kind. Our Lord has taught me a way of prayer,

wherein I find myself far more advanced, more detached from the

things of this life, more courageous, and more free. [2] I fall

into a trance more frequently, for these ecstasies at times come

upon me with great violence, and in such a way as to be outwardly

visible, I having no power to resist them; and even when I am

with others—for they come in such a way as admits of no

disguising them, unless it be by letting people suppose that, as

I am subject to disease of the heart, they are fainting-fits; I

take great pains, however, to resist them when they are coming

on—sometimes I cannot do it.

2. As to poverty, God seems to have wrought great things in me;

for I would willingly be without even what is necessary, unless

given me as an alms; and therefore my longing is extreme that I

may be in such a state as to depend on alms alone for my food.

It seems to me that to live, when I am certain of food and

raiment without fail, is not so complete an observance of my vow

or of the counsel of Christ as it would be to live where no

revenue is possessed, and I should be in want at times; and as to

the blessings that come with true poverty, they seem to me to be

great, and I would not miss them. Many times do I find myself

with such great faith, that I do not think God will ever fail

those who serve Him, and without any doubt whatever that there

is, or can be, any time in which His words are not fulfilled: I

cannot persuade myself to the contrary, nor can I have any fear;

and so, when they advise me to accept an endowment, I feel it

keenly, and betake myself unto God.

3. I think I am much more compassionate towards the poor than I

used to be, having a great pity for them and a desire to help

them; for if I regarded only my good will, I should give them

even the habit I wear. I am not fastidious with respect to them,

even if I had to do with them or touched them with my hands,—and

this I now see is a gift of God; for though I used to give alms

for His love, I had no natural compassion. I am conscious of a

distinct improvement herein.

4. As to the evil speaking directed against me,—which is

considerable, and highly injurious to me, and done by many,—I

find myself herein also very much the better. I think that what

they say makes scarcely any more impression upon me than it would

upon an idiot. I think at times, and nearly always, that it is

just. I feel it so little that I see nothing in it that I might

offer to God, as I learn by experience that my soul gains greatly

thereby; on the contrary, the evil speaking seems to be a favour.

And thus, the first time I go to prayer, I have no ill-feeling

against them; the first time I hear it, it creates in me a little

resistance, but it neither disturbs nor moves me; on the

contrary, when I see others occasionally disturbed, I am sorry

for them. So it is, I put myself out of the question; for all

the wrongs of this life seem to me so light, that it is not

possible to feel them, because I imagine myself to be dreaming,

and see that all this will be nothing when I awake.

5. God is giving me more earnest desires, a greater love of

solitude, a much greater detachment, as I said, with the visions;

by these He has made me know what all that is, even if I gave up

all the friends I have, both men and women and kindred. This is

the least part of it: my kindred are rather a very great

weariness to me; I leave them in all freedom and joy, provided it

be to render the least service unto God; and thus on every side I

find peace.

6. Certain things, about which I have been warned in prayer, have

been perfectly verified. Thus, considering the graces received

from God, I find myself very much better; but, considering my

service to Him in return, I am exceedingly worthless, for I have

received greater consolation than I have given, though sometimes

that gives me grievous pain. My penance is very scanty, the

respect shown me great, much against my own will very often. [3]

However in a word, I see that I live an easy, not a penitential,

life; God help me, as He can!

7. It is now nine months, more or less, since I wrote this with

mine own hand; since then I have not turned my back on the graces

which God has given me; I think I have received, so far as I can

see, a much greater liberty of late. Hitherto I thought I had

need of others, and I had more reliance on worldly helps. Now I

clearly understand that all men are bunches of dried rosemary,

and that there is no safety in leaning on them, for if they are

pressed by contradictions or evil speaking they break down.

And so I know by experience that the only way not to fall is to

cling to the cross, and put our trust in Him who was nailed

thereto. I find Him a real Friend, and with Him I find myself

endowed with such might that, God never failing me, I think I

should be able to withstand the whole world if it were

against me.

8. Having a clear knowledge of this truth, I used to be very fond

of being loved by others; now I do not care for that, yea,

rather, their love seems to weary me in some measure, excepting

theirs who take care of my soul, or theirs to whom I think I do

good. Of the former I wish to be loved, in order that they may

bear with me; and of the latter, that they may be more inclined

to believe me when I tell them that all is vanity.

9. In the very grievous trials, persecutions, and contradictions

of these months, [4] God gave me great courage; and the more

grievous they were, the greater the courage, without weariness in

suffering. Not only had I no ill-feeling against those who spoke

evil of me, but I had, I believe, conceived a deeper affection

for them. I know not how it was; certainly it was a gift from

the hand of our Lord.

10. When I desire anything, I am accustomed naturally to desire

it with some vehemence; now my desires are so calm, that I do not

even feel that I am pleased when I see them fulfilled. Sorrow and

joy, excepting in that which relates to prayer, are so moderated,

that I seem to be without sense, and in that state I remain for

some days.

11. The vehement longings to do penance which come, and have

come, upon me are great; and if I do any penance, I feel it to be

so slight in comparison with that longing, that I regard it

sometimes, and almost always, as a special consolation; however,

I do but little, because of my great weakness.

12. It is a very great pain to me very often, and at this moment

most grievous, that I must take food, particularly if I am in

prayer. It must be very great, for it makes me weep much, and

speak the language of affliction, almost without being aware of

it, and that is what I am not in the habit of doing, for I do not

remember that I ever did so in the very heaviest trials of my

life: I am not a woman in these things, for I have a hard heart.

13. I feel in myself a very earnest desire, more so than usual,

that God may find those who will serve Him, particularly learned

men, in all detachment, and who will not cleave to anything of

this world, for I see it is all a mockery; for when I see the

great needs of the Church, I look upon it as a mockery to be

distressed about aught else. I do nothing but pray to God for

such men, because I see that one person, who is wholly perfect in

the true fervour of the love of God, will do more good than many

who are lukewarm.

14. In matters concerning the faith, my courage seems to me much

greater. I think I could go forth alone by myself against the

Lutherans, and convince them of their errors. I feel very keenly

the loss of so many souls. I see many persons making great

progress; I see clearly it was the pleasure of God that such

progress should have been helped by me; and I perceive that my

soul, of His goodness, grows daily more and more in His love.

15. I think I could not be led