Life of St Teresa of Jesus, Teresa of Avila [top ten books to read TXT] 📗
- Author: Teresa of Avila
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tear her into a thousand pieces, that it is any other than God
who is working in her and speaking to her.
“29. God has given her a most wonderfully strong and valiant
spirit: she was once timid; now she tramples on all the evil
spirits. She has put far away from herself all the littleness
and silliness of women; she is singularly free from scruples, and
most sincere.
“30. Besides, our Lord has given her the gift of most sweet
tears, great compassion for her neighbours, the knowledge of her
own faults, a great reverence for good people, and
self-abasement; and I am certain that she has done good to many,
of whom I am one.
“31. She is continually reminding herself of God, and has a sense
of His presence. All the locutions have been verified, and every
one of them accomplished; and this is a very great test.
“32. Her visions are a source of great clearness in her
understanding, and an admirable illumination in the things
of God.
“33. It was said to her that she should lead those who were
trying her spirit to look into the Scriptures, and that they
would not find that any soul desirous of pleasing God had been so
long deceived.”
2. See Life, ch. xxix. §§ 9-13.
3. De la Fuente thinks she means the religious state.
4. See Life, ch. xxiv. § 8, and ch. xxxi. § 22.
5. See Life, ch. xxiii. § 19.
6. See Life, ch. xxxv. § 2.
7. See Life, ch. ix. § 6, and ch. xiv. § 7.
8. See § 3, above.
9. St. Matt. vi. 31: “Nolite ergo solliciti esse, dicentes: Quid
manducabimus. . . . aut quo operiemur?”
10. See Life, ch. vii. § 2.
11. See Life, ch. ii. § 2.
12. § 2, above.
13. See Life, ch. xx. § 29.
14. See Life, ch. xxxi. § 17.
15. See Life, ch. xxv. § 20.
16. See Life, ch. xxv. §§ 18, 22.
Relation II.
To One of Her Confessors, from the House of Doña Luisa de la Cerda,
in 1562. [1]
Jesus.
I think it is more than a year since this was written; God has
all this time protected me with His hand, so that I have not
become worse; on the contrary, I see a great change for the
better in all I have to say: may He be praised for it all!
1. The visions and revelations have not ceased, but they are of a
much higher kind. Our Lord has taught me a way of prayer,
wherein I find myself far more advanced, more detached from the
things of this life, more courageous, and more free. [2] I fall
into a trance more frequently, for these ecstasies at times come
upon me with great violence, and in such a way as to be outwardly
visible, I having no power to resist them; and even when I am
with others—for they come in such a way as admits of no
disguising them, unless it be by letting people suppose that, as
I am subject to disease of the heart, they are fainting-fits; I
take great pains, however, to resist them when they are coming
on—sometimes I cannot do it.
2. As to poverty, God seems to have wrought great things in me;
for I would willingly be without even what is necessary, unless
given me as an alms; and therefore my longing is extreme that I
may be in such a state as to depend on alms alone for my food.
It seems to me that to live, when I am certain of food and
raiment without fail, is not so complete an observance of my vow
or of the counsel of Christ as it would be to live where no
revenue is possessed, and I should be in want at times; and as to
the blessings that come with true poverty, they seem to me to be
great, and I would not miss them. Many times do I find myself
with such great faith, that I do not think God will ever fail
those who serve Him, and without any doubt whatever that there
is, or can be, any time in which His words are not fulfilled: I
cannot persuade myself to the contrary, nor can I have any fear;
and so, when they advise me to accept an endowment, I feel it
keenly, and betake myself unto God.
3. I think I am much more compassionate towards the poor than I
used to be, having a great pity for them and a desire to help
them; for if I regarded only my good will, I should give them
even the habit I wear. I am not fastidious with respect to them,
even if I had to do with them or touched them with my hands,—and
this I now see is a gift of God; for though I used to give alms
for His love, I had no natural compassion. I am conscious of a
distinct improvement herein.
4. As to the evil speaking directed against me,—which is
considerable, and highly injurious to me, and done by many,—I
find myself herein also very much the better. I think that what
they say makes scarcely any more impression upon me than it would
upon an idiot. I think at times, and nearly always, that it is
just. I feel it so little that I see nothing in it that I might
offer to God, as I learn by experience that my soul gains greatly
thereby; on the contrary, the evil speaking seems to be a favour.
And thus, the first time I go to prayer, I have no ill-feeling
against them; the first time I hear it, it creates in me a little
resistance, but it neither disturbs nor moves me; on the
contrary, when I see others occasionally disturbed, I am sorry
for them. So it is, I put myself out of the question; for all
the wrongs of this life seem to me so light, that it is not
possible to feel them, because I imagine myself to be dreaming,
and see that all this will be nothing when I awake.
5. God is giving me more earnest desires, a greater love of
solitude, a much greater detachment, as I said, with the visions;
by these He has made me know what all that is, even if I gave up
all the friends I have, both men and women and kindred. This is
the least part of it: my kindred are rather a very great
weariness to me; I leave them in all freedom and joy, provided it
be to render the least service unto God; and thus on every side I
find peace.
6. Certain things, about which I have been warned in prayer, have
been perfectly verified. Thus, considering the graces received
from God, I find myself very much better; but, considering my
service to Him in return, I am exceedingly worthless, for I have
received greater consolation than I have given, though sometimes
that gives me grievous pain. My penance is very scanty, the
respect shown me great, much against my own will very often. [3]
However in a word, I see that I live an easy, not a penitential,
life; God help me, as He can!
7. It is now nine months, more or less, since I wrote this with
mine own hand; since then I have not turned my back on the graces
which God has given me; I think I have received, so far as I can
see, a much greater liberty of late. Hitherto I thought I had
need of others, and I had more reliance on worldly helps. Now I
clearly understand that all men are bunches of dried rosemary,
and that there is no safety in leaning on them, for if they are
pressed by contradictions or evil speaking they break down.
And so I know by experience that the only way not to fall is to
cling to the cross, and put our trust in Him who was nailed
thereto. I find Him a real Friend, and with Him I find myself
endowed with such might that, God never failing me, I think I
should be able to withstand the whole world if it were
against me.
8. Having a clear knowledge of this truth, I used to be very fond
of being loved by others; now I do not care for that, yea,
rather, their love seems to weary me in some measure, excepting
theirs who take care of my soul, or theirs to whom I think I do
good. Of the former I wish to be loved, in order that they may
bear with me; and of the latter, that they may be more inclined
to believe me when I tell them that all is vanity.
9. In the very grievous trials, persecutions, and contradictions
of these months, [4] God gave me great courage; and the more
grievous they were, the greater the courage, without weariness in
suffering. Not only had I no ill-feeling against those who spoke
evil of me, but I had, I believe, conceived a deeper affection
for them. I know not how it was; certainly it was a gift from
the hand of our Lord.
10. When I desire anything, I am accustomed naturally to desire
it with some vehemence; now my desires are so calm, that I do not
even feel that I am pleased when I see them fulfilled. Sorrow and
joy, excepting in that which relates to prayer, are so moderated,
that I seem to be without sense, and in that state I remain for
some days.
11. The vehement longings to do penance which come, and have
come, upon me are great; and if I do any penance, I feel it to be
so slight in comparison with that longing, that I regard it
sometimes, and almost always, as a special consolation; however,
I do but little, because of my great weakness.
12. It is a very great pain to me very often, and at this moment
most grievous, that I must take food, particularly if I am in
prayer. It must be very great, for it makes me weep much, and
speak the language of affliction, almost without being aware of
it, and that is what I am not in the habit of doing, for I do not
remember that I ever did so in the very heaviest trials of my
life: I am not a woman in these things, for I have a hard heart.
13. I feel in myself a very earnest desire, more so than usual,
that God may find those who will serve Him, particularly learned
men, in all detachment, and who will not cleave to anything of
this world, for I see it is all a mockery; for when I see the
great needs of the Church, I look upon it as a mockery to be
distressed about aught else. I do nothing but pray to God for
such men, because I see that one person, who is wholly perfect in
the true fervour of the love of God, will do more good than many
who are lukewarm.
14. In matters concerning the faith, my courage seems to me much
greater. I think I could go forth alone by myself against the
Lutherans, and convince them of their errors. I feel very keenly
the loss of so many souls. I see many persons making great
progress; I see clearly it was the pleasure of God that such
progress should have been helped by me; and I perceive that my
soul, of His goodness, grows daily more and more in His love.
15. I think I could not be led
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