Life of St Teresa of Jesus, Teresa of Avila [top ten books to read TXT] 📗

away by vainglory, even if I

seriously tried, and I do not see how I could imagine any one of

my virtues to be mine, for it is not long since I was for many

years without any at all; and now so far as I am concerned, I do

nothing but receive graces, without rendering any service in

return, being the most worthless creature in the world. And so

it is that I consider at times how all, except myself, make

progress; I am good for nothing in myself. This is not humility

only, but the simple truth; and the knowledge of my being so

worthless makes me sometimes think with fear that I must be under

some delusion. Thus I see clearly that all my gain has come

through the revelations and the raptures, in which I am nothing

myself, and do no more to effect them than the canvas does for

the picture painted on it. This makes me feel secure and be at

rest; and I place myself in the hands of God, and trust my

desires; for I know for certain that my desires are to die for

Him, and to lose all ease, and that whatever may happen.

16. There are days wherein I remember times without number the

words of St. Paul, [5]—though certainly they are not true of

me,—that I have neither life, nor speech, nor will of my own,

but that there is One in me by whom I am directed and made

strong; and I am, as it were, beside myself, and thus life is a

very grievous burden to me. And the greatest oblation I make to

God, as the highest service on my part, is that I, when I feel it

so painfully to be absent from Him, am willing to live on for the

love of Him. I would have my life also full of great

tribulations and persecutions; now that I am unprofitable, I

should like to suffer; and I would endure all the tribulations in

the world to gain ever so little more merit—I mean, by a more

perfect doing of His will.

17. Everything that I have learnt in prayer, though it may be two

years previously, I have seen fulfilled. What I see and

understand of the grandeurs of God, and of the way He has shown

them, is so high, that I scarcely ever begin to think of them but

my understanding fails me,—for I am as one that sees things far

higher than I can understand,—and I become recollected.

18. God so keeps me from offending Him, that I am verily amazed

at times. I think I discern the great care He takes of me,

without my taking scarcely any care at all, being as I was,

before these things happened to me, a sea of wickedness and sins,

and without a thought that I was mistress enough of myself to

leave them undone. And the reason why I would have this known is

that the great power of God might be made manifest. Unto Him be

praise for ever and ever! Amen.

Jesus.

This Relation here set forth, not in my handwriting, is one that

I gave to my confessor, and which he with his own hand copied,

without adding or diminishing a word. He was a most spiritual

man and a theologian: I discussed the state of my soul with him,

and he with other learned men, among whom was Father Mancio. [6]

They found nothing in it that is not in perfect agreement with

the holy writings. This makes me calm now, though, while God is

leading me by this way, I feel that it is necessary for me to put

no trust whatever in myself. And so I have always done, though

it is painful enough. You, my father, will be careful that all

this goes under the seal of confession, according to my request.

1. Addressed, it is believed, to her confessor, F. Pedro Ibañez.

This Relation corresponds with ch. xxxiv. of the Life (De

la Fuente).

2. See Life, ch. xxvii.

3. See Life, ch. xxxi. § 15.

4. The Saint is supposed to refer to the troubles she endured

during the foundation of the monastery of St. Joseph.

5. Gal. ii. 20: “Vivo autem, jam non ego; vivit vero in

me Christus.”

6. A celebrated Dominican, professor of theology in

Salamanca (Bouix).

Relation III.

Of Various Graces Granted to the Saint from the Year 1568 to

1571 Inclusive.

1. When I was in the monastery of Toledo, and some people were

advising me not to allow any but noble persons to be buried

there, [1] our Lord said to me: “Thou wilt be very inconsistent,

My daughter, if thou regardest the laws of the world. Look at

Me, poor and despised of men: are the great people of the world

likely to be great in My eyes? or is it descent or virtue that is

to make you esteemed?”

2. After Communion, the second day of Lent, in St. Joseph of

Malagon, our Lord Jesus Christ appeared to me in an imaginary

vision, as He is I wont to do; and when I was looking upon Him I

saw that He had on His head, instead of the crown of thorns, a

crown of great splendour, over the part where the wounds of that

crown must have been. And as I have a great devotion to the

crowning with thorns, I was exceedingly consoled, and began to

think how great the pain must have been because of the many

wounds, and to be sorrowful. Our Lord told me not to be sad

because of those wounds, but for the many wounds which men

inflict upon Him now. I asked Him what I could do by way of

reparation; for I was resolved to do anything. He replied: “This

is not the time for rest;” that I must hasten on the foundations,

for He would take His rest with the souls which entered the

monasteries; that I must admit all who offered themselves,

because there were many souls that did not serve Him because they

had no place wherein to do it; that those monasteries which were

to be founded in small towns should be like this; that the merit

of those in them would be as great, if they only desired to do

that which was done in the other houses; that I must contrive to

put them all under the jurisdiction of one superior, [2] and take

care that anxieties about means of bodily maintenance did not

destroy interior peace, for He would help us, so that we should

never be in want of food. Especial care was to be had of the

sick sisters; the prioress who did not provide for and comfort

the sick was like the friends of Job: He sent them sickness for

the good of their souls, and careless superiors risked the

patience of their nuns. I was to write the history of the

foundation of the monasteries. I was thinking how there was

nothing to write about in reference to the foundation of Medina,

when He asked me, what more did I want to see than that the

foundation there was miraculous? By this He meant to say that He

alone had done it, when it seemed impossible. [3] I resolved to

execute His commands.

3. Our Lord told me something I was to tell another, and as I was

considering how I did not understand it at all,—though I prayed

to Him, and was thinking it might be from Satan,—He said to me

that it was not, and that He Himself would warn me when the

time came.

4. Once, when I was thinking how much more purely they live who

withdraw themselves from all business, and how ill it goes with

me, and how many faults I must be guilty of, when I have business

to transact, I heard this: “It cannot be otherwise, My daughter;

but strive thou always after a good intention in all things, and

detachment; lift up thine eyes to Me, and see that all thine

actions may resemble Mine.”

5. Thinking how it was that I scarcely ever fell into a trance of

late in public, I heard this: “It is not necessary now; thou art

sufficiently esteemed for My purpose; we are considering the

weakness of the wicked.”

6. One Tuesday after the Ascension, [4] having prayed for awhile

after Communion in great distress, because I was so distracted

that I could fix my mind on nothing, I complained of our poor

nature to our Lord. The fire began to kindle in my soul, and I

saw, as it seemed to me, the most Holy Trinity [5] distinctly

present in an intellectual vision, whereby my soul understood

through a certain representation, as a figure of the truth, so

far as my dulness could understand, how God is Three and One; and

thus it seemed to me that all the Three Persons spoke to me, that

They were distinctly present in my soul, saying unto me “that

from that day forth I should see that my soul had grown better in

three ways, and that each one of the Three Persons had bestowed

on me a distinct grace,—in charity, in suffering joyfully, in a

sense of that charity in my soul, accompanied with fervour.”

I learnt the meaning of those words of our Lord, that the Three

Divine Persons will dwell in the soul that is in a state of

grace. [6] Afterwards giving thanks to our Lord for so great a

mercy, and finding myself utterly unworthy of it, I asked His

Majesty with great earnestness how it was that He, after showing

such mercies to me, let me go out of His hand, and allowed me to

become so wicked; for on the previous day I had been in great

distress on account of my sins, which I had set before me. I saw

clearly then how much our Lord on His part had done, ever since

my infancy, to draw me to Himself by means most effectual, and

yet, that all had failed. Then I had a clear perception of the

surpassing love of God for us, in that He forgives us all this

when we turn to Him, and for me more than for any other, for many

reasons. The vision of the Three Divine Persons—one God—made

so profound an impression on my soul, that if it had continued it

would have been impossible for me not to be recollected in so

divine a company. What I saw and heard besides is beyond my

power to describe.

7. Once, when I was about to communicate,—it was shortly before

I had this vision,—the Host being still in the ciborium, for It

had not yet been given me, I saw something like a dove, which

moved its wings with a sound. It disturbed me so much, and so

carried me away out of myself, that it was with the utmost

difficulty I received the Host. All this took place in

St. Joseph of Avila. It was Father Francis Salcedo who was

giving me the most Holy Sacrament. Hearing Mass another day, I

saw our Lord glorious in the Host; He said to me that his

sacrifice was acceptable unto Him.

8. I heard this once: “The time will come when many miracles will

be wrought in this church; it will be called the holy church.”

It was in St. Joseph of Avila, in the year 1571.

9. I retain to this day, which is the Commemoration of St. Paul,

the presence of the Three Persons of which I spoke in the