the death journal, Jazmin Huey [ebook reader library .txt] 📗

Hi my name is Alexxus Marie Carson. My mom bought me this journal back when I was 6. the week before she died. I have decided that my mom was a wonderful person and I should do something she wanted me to do. So I have written in this journal every day since her death. This journal wont be much longer because I am going to kill my self on my 16th birthday. In 3 weeks I will be gone and no one will even care. i don't even think anyone will notice.
“ Alexxus get down here now!” my dad yelled from down stairs.
Well that's the man who is already slowly killing me. My horrible dad who I hate with my whole heart. Well I have to go. Till tomorrow. bye
Xoxo
lexi

I closed my black and white flower covered journal and ran down stairs.
“What now?”I asked.
“Don’t talk to me like that.” He said.
“Whatever.” I said.
He was drunk again. I hate when he gets like this.
“What did you call me for?”I asked.
“Make me something to eat.” He said.
“ ok.. wait no! Why don't you get your lazy tale up and make your self something to eat? I mean you haven't cooked since mom died. I have been cooking since I was six. I am fifteen I have been cooking for you almost 10 years! You are lazy and I can't believe you are that much of a loser. You need to get your self together and get a life!” I yelled as I turned to walk towards the door.
“And where do you think your going?” he asked me.
“I’m going somewhere your not.” I replied as I shut the door behind me.
I climbed through the woods behind my house. The first time I came here is when I planned on running away the day my mom died. I ended up living here for two weeks .. No one comes, im the only one left that knows it is here. Mom knew about it, she was the one who showed it to me. She said if i ever needed to get away this was the place to go .so I come here just to get away from it all, To get away from the arguments, from my dad, from all those kids who hate me because I’m different. No I don’t mean like the weird different. I am different like I hate skirts. I don’t like cheer. I am smart I have a 4.0 GPA and I don’t care what people think. No one talks to me at all. I have no friends. My mom is dead. My dad drinks a lot. I hate my life always have and always will.
I got up to go home. When I got there I ran straight up to my room and lay down.
“And you call me lazy?” said my dad
“Yeah I do call you lazy all you do is sit around and drink!”I yelled at him.
“Shut up!” exclaimed my dad.
“Make me!”I yelled.
I can’t believe he actually slapped me! Then he came after me swinging his arms. He hit me again this time on my arm. I was terrified. I turned and ran into my bathroom and locked the door.
“Open this door now!” he said in his booming voice.
“Why should I so you can hit me again?” I yelled back.
“I’m sorry sweetie I lost my temper,” he said.
I was so scared I didn’t trust him any more. That night I slept in my bath room on the floor in the cold.
When I woke up I was still scared, but I had to go to school. I peeked out of the bathroom. My dad wasn’t there so I got up ran to my door and locked it. When I was sure he couldn’t get in I got ready for school. I wore black pants and a black and white shirt. Once I was dressed I slowly unlocked the door and ran down stairs and out the door. Luckily my dad didn’t see me.
As I ran to school I ran into some kid.
“Sorry,” he said as he got up and wiped him self off.
“Watch it,” I snapped.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to,” he began.
I jumped up and continued to run with the fear that my dad was awake and looking for me. I could feel him watching me leave.
Finally I got to school. My day didn’t get any better there. I was late to my 1st period class which is English. Then I noticed that the kid that I ran into on my way here was in my class. It was his first day and his name was Jake. He ended up having to sit next to me in my class. Ugh, I didn’t even know him yet and I hated him. At lunch he sat next to me. As soon as Hannah saw that she threw a fit. She came over and sat in between us, which would have been fine with me, but I hated Hannah so much. I certnely wouldnt care if she dropped dead.
“What do you want Adams?” I said as she sat down.
“What I can’t sit with my best friend?” she said acting like she always sat here. “Hey who’s you little friend?”
“Of course she sat here for him” I thought to myself.
“jake , brat, brat, jake”I said with a smirk.
“Hi” he said, with a smile.
“Hi I’m Hannah,” she said with her nicest smile. “Would you like to sit with me and my friends?”
“Is Alexxus coming?” he asked looking at me.
“No,” I answered quickly, “just go sit with them.”
“Ok whatever.” He said quickly.
As I watched them walk away I asked myself, “What’s with that guy?”
I ate the rest of my lunch in total silence. Just like normal I finished eating quickly. After I threw away my trash I went to the hallway sat in front of my locker and listened to my iPod. Then out comes Jake, Of course.
“Hey Lexi, what are you listening to?” he asked.
“Going Under by Evanescence.”I replied still sitting on the floor.
He sits down next to me and smiles.
“Lexi why do you eat lunch alone?” he asked.
“Because I prefer to be alone and I have no friends.” I replied as the song I was listening to changed.
He looked at me for a while, “why not?”
“I hate people, I like being alone, I don’t like to talk smile or laugh.”I said blankly.
“So you don’t like me? I mean at all?” he said.
“Nope,” I replied.
I glanced up at him. He went from a big bright smile to a disappointed look. He almost looked sad, but why would he be sad or disappointed over me not likening him. Most people think it’s a good thing when I say I don’t like them.
“Oh ok, I guess I’ll leave you alone then.” He said looking at the floor.
And just like that he turned around and walked away from me.


Dear death journal,
Today I met a seemingly nice guy, but last time I met a nice guy it turned out terribly. I decided not to even think about him. IT’S NOT WORKING!!! Why can’t I get this guy out of my mind? I don’t want to make friends with him because I will be gone in 13 days. Why bother to change my life now??? I mean he is a little cute wow I can’t believe I just wrote that! I have to stay away from him.
Till tomorrow bye
xoxo
lexi carson


I closed my journal and walked out side. I sat on the curb and saw who other than Jake. When he saw me, him and his friends said something and walked towards me. I got up and turned towards the house.
“Lexi,” he called after me.
“Hi Jake,” I said.
He stood there looking at me.
“Jake, are you ok?” I asked.
“Umm oh yeah I’m fine,” he said stumbling on his words.
“Then why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.
“Have I introduced you to my friends?” he asked quickly.
I knew he was trying to change the subject but, I didn’t stop him because I had a feeling I didn’t want to know the answer.
“This is Jesse, Sam, Demi, David, and mat.” He said.
Wow one of them was OMG cute! I couldn’t believe my eyes. When I realized I was staring I looked down and then back up at Jake.
“Which one is which?” I asked not trying to be too rude.
“I’m Jesse” said the cute blonde hair blue eyed guy.
“I’m Demi,” said a mean looking girl with black hair and dark green eyes.
“Sam,” said one mediocre looking guy. He had brown hair and black eyes. And no I don’t mean dark brown they were literally black, like mine.
“Hello I’m David” said the one with black spiky hair.
“So you must be mat?” I said.
“Yup that’s me,” Mat said quietly.
“I’m Lexi,” I said looking around at everyone.
I could tell Demi didn’t like me. She looked at me like I was something horrible and honestly didn’t care that Demi didn’t like me. Jesse smiled at me. Sam, David, and mat were drooling. I don’t care what people think so I was content.
“You want to hang out with us?” asked Jesse.
“No she probably has a lot of things to do,” said Demi “and she will hang out with me today. You guys can hang with her tomorrow.”
I was surprised she said that. She grabbed my hand and dragged me into my house.
“Where’s your closet?” she asked.
I looked at her and said, “Right over there.”
She walked over to my closet and examined all of my clothes. She looked at all my converse and threw all of them out of the closet. She grabbed my hoodies and threw them as well. I just stood there with a blank expression my face.
“What do you think your doing?” I asked her.
“I am giving you a makeover and you will need some wearable clothes. I know lets go shopping,” she said with a smile.
“I have wearable clothes.”I said looking at my clothes.
“Yeah, wearable for guys, all you have is jeans and hoodies,”she said.
“And what’s wrong with that?” I asked her slowly getting mad.
“I’m not saying anything’s wrong with that but maybe you should try a skirt and a t-shirt.” she said in a calming voice, “Before we go shopping go let’s go by my place to see what looks go on you. I have a little bit of every thing.”
“Whatever,” I replied as I followed her to her car.
The guys were still out side.
“Where are you guys going?” asked Jake.
“Make over,” I mumbled.
Jesse laughed, “Demi don’t change her too much please. I like her how she is now. Lexi, why is she giving you a makeover anyways?”
“I have no choice. She is forcing me,” I said.
“Ok enough chit chat, we need to go now,” demi said quickly.
“Bye,” said Jake looking at me.
“Bye Jake, bye guys,” I said while being pulled toward the car.
When we got in the car there was total silence between us. Neither of us said a word we were in our own little world.
Then suddenly she looked at me and said, “Hey what do you think of Jesse?”