She let me down, Kya Ely [acx book reading TXT] 📗

I wake up and instantly feel horrible. "Argh, maybe I'll get hit by the bus today" I moan to myself. Great, another day of endless torture. I walk into the bathroom and look into the mirror and tell myself that I look hideous. "No wonder he doesn't notice you. Who would want to notice something that looks like that?" I hiss at my reflection and brush my teeth.

Back in my room and dressed for school, I lay down on my bed after turning my music on and up to the highest volume to drown out all the other sounds. It's close to time to hop on the bus, so I go back into the bathroom to cover up the cuts on my wrist with makeup and brush my hair. My little brothers yell that it's time to go out to the bus stop. I grab my bag and run out shutting the door and gate on my way. We stand out at the bus stop for about five minutes before Jack and Riley (my little brothers, twins) start fighting. Then I see the bus and almost squeal with excitement than yell at my little brothers "Stop fighting, you little shits!"

Sitting up the back of the bus one seat in front of where he sits, I glance back at him and see him smiling and my heart beats faster, god he's got an amazing smile, I thought to myself. I want to kiss him right then and there. My phone vibrates and amazed by Lonestar starts playing, Angie sent me a text, Hey babes, my place this weekend for a party ;). I laugh to myself and text her back, no passion-pop this time. That stuff is bad for me. I look up and we're at the primary school. My little brothers hop off the bus. I get another text from Angie Awwe but you're fun when you have passion-pop :( ;). I text her back then put my phone on silent.

Another day of school down. God why is everyday so exhausting? Two more days until the weekend. As I get on the bus, I see him sitting up the back and instantly smile at him and he doesn't even notice. Why should he? He has a gorgeous girlfriend that he is completely devoted too, sigh. I squeeze onto the back seat between him and his friend. At the slightest touch from him my skin feels like it's aflame.

Later that night I received a text from Angie, Jaysee I need to talk to you, I feel like crap... Almost instantly I had her number dialled and waited for her to pick up. Something is seriously up, she answered on the first ring she usually waits for the second or third to answer. “Angie, you ok? What's going on?” I swear I heard her crying “I don't know what to wear for my party.” I laughed out loud just a little, while I was thinking something bad had happened she was worried about what to wear, that is so Angie. “Don't laugh at me!” I laugh a little louder; I can just imagine the pout on her face. “Ok, sorry. What type of party is it?” she thought for a second before answering “Um fancy dress?” The biggest smile spread across my face when she said that, knowing of course that nobody would follow the theme. “Guess that means SHOPPING TIME!” she giggled. I groaned inwardly, she knows I dread shopping unless it’s for books.

That night, when I was sleeping I dreamed of her and I wondered what it would feel like to kiss her. She had always intrigued me but I guess I was too wrapped up in Lane to realise how beautiful she actually is. She has gorgeous dark red hair, the most vibrant green eyes I had ever seen and (I’m not going to lie) an amazing body. God, why was I getting turned on thinking about my best friend? This could only lead to trouble, but the curiosity refused to go away.

Friday afternoon I pack a bag of clothes and other necessities for staying at Angie’s place for the weekend. Her mum finally got to my place at like 4:30 in the afternoon; Angie jumped out of the car straight away and hugged me. I suddenly got a strong urge to kiss her, what is wrong with me?! This is my best friend.

As we were sitting in the car waiting impatiently to get back to Angie’s house, we started playing twenty questions to pass time, we whispered though so her mum couldn’t hear us. After a while the questions she was asking me started getting really intense. Angie shuffled a little closer to me so she could whisper in my ear “Do you think it’s possible for you to love me?” I look at her and see a blush on her face that makes me think that she really means it. So I take her face into my hands and press my lips against hers and when I am met with no resistance I starting moving my lips against hers and moved my mouth next to her ear and whispered “ I think I’m already there.”

I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her closer to me and kiss her forehead I have never felt such bliss in my life. I didn’t understand it but I think in the instant that I decided to kiss her was the instant that I realised she was my other half, my soul mate, my entire world and she had been for a long time.

I sat on Angie’s bed while she was in the shower thinking of how to ask her to be my girlfriend. I have done this before, god why am I so nervous. I heard her turning the shower off then I heard her yell out “Jaysee, can you grab me a towel?” I walked to the linen cupboard and grabbed two towels. I knocked on the bathroom door but she didn’t answer so I walked in with the towels and dropped them instantly when I saw the scars from cuts on her legs. Why did she do this? Please god; tell me she didn’t do this to herself. I saw a jar of foundation next to her; she was covering up her scars with it no wander I had never seen them before. She looked up when she heard me gasp then she whispered something that just broke my heart. “Please don’t hate me for this.” I saw the tears in her eyes and that just shattered me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to my body and forced back the tears in my eyes then whispered into her ear “I never could.”

Tears were burning my eyes and pouring down my cheeks. How did I not know she had been doing this to herself? Was I so wrapped up in Lane that I didn’t realise? I hate myself so much right now, I’m a horrible person. I hold her close to keep myself from falling apart. How long has this been going on for? Argh, I can’t believe I was so blind. At the moment, we are lying in bed she fell asleep on my chest. She is so beautiful, how did I not notice her beauty before? I am so lucky to have her. I wander how long she was waiting for me; I hope it wasn’t too long. I gently push her hair out of her face; I have never seen her look so peaceful. I wander if she resents me for not noticing how much pain she is in. I hope that pain gets better while I’m with her. I WILL make her happy. I am now determined to make her life better in every way I possibly can, I will do everything within my power to make her happy. I lean down and kiss her forehead before I fall asleep.

I wake up, its morning and for the first time in a long time I’m happy to be alive. Angie cuddles up to my side and I wrap my arms around her tighter. I lean in and kiss her lips, they are so soft. She moans and rolls on top of me. I put my hands on her hips and look up at her, she has a devilish look in her eyes and I know what she’s thinking. “No, Angie we are not doing th…” She didn’t give me the chance to finish before she kisses me. For some reason my thoughts flicked back to Lane and I pulled her in closer and kissed her passionately. I felt so bad, I kissed her while I was thinking about HIM. Goddammit JAYSEE! You idiot! What are you doing, calm down, and breathe. Now think about this rationally, what made you think about Lane? Goddammit don’t do this now! You have a beautiful girl that loves you and is with you. I gently push her off me and walk into the bathroom. I look in the mirror, “Disgusting,” I hiss at the mirror.

Publication Date: 06-24-2015

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
To Angie, you were the love of my life and I'm lost without you. Lane, for supporting me when I needed it. Lane you are the new love of my life.