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Farewell


If I could wish for one thing, I’ll take a time machine, and tell you I love you, under the willow tree. If you give me a chance, I’ll cherish it forever and prove you that I love you like no other.
Those were my thoughts as she walked down the aisle, in the beautiful dress designed by me. Walking towards the man I’ve loved since I was seven. I looked down at the dress I was wearing and imagined me walking down the aisle just for a moment before forgetting that rubbish and hiding the tears that were spilling out. I couldn’t control them anymore. But I did. I pushed through and I watched. Through the part when they said the crap about objections, about the consent of the groom and bride. And the part they were pronounced husband and wife…and the damn kiss.
Then everyone walked up to congratulate them. And so did I, in a trance like state. His grin widened when he saw me and I gave a convincing smile which I hope fooled him. The happiness on his face was so good to look at. He was really happy and I have no intention of taking away that happiness. He deserved it more that anyone else in the world. I hugged him and whispered ‘congrats’ in his ear before secretly handing him an envelope with the instructions of ‘open later’. He was confused but accepted it. Then new guests came and I was forgotten as I deserved to be.
I then proceeded to walk out and run to my limo the moment he could not see me. I told the driver, “Let’s go home.”
I cried the whole way and he did not say a word. This was normal. I used to cry every time Alex got a girlfriend or kissed a girl in front of my eyes. I always wished that he could see that I loved him but he never did. So it was the most obvious thing in the world for my tears to fall.
By then, we reached my estate and I ran out of the limo and into my room and locked the door and sobbed. I was sobbing like my sister had died. I have never felt so much pain at one time before and it hurts. It hurts, Alex. Alex, Alex, Alex, I love you, Alex. But you'll never know, even in a million years.
Alex was all I ever had after being orphaned when my parents died in a car crash and my grandparents took me in. Then they died leaving me alone with Alex alone. I went to fashion school and soon became the world's most sought after fashion designer. But what's the use, when Alex is not mine anymore?
I could hear Alex sing, "Just close your eyes now, and fall asleep on me. Be assured I'll be here when you wake up. Cause I love you, just the way you are. And no one can come between us cause I love you too much."
I could feel myself falling into a deep sleep. Before that, I whispered, “Farewell my life, my Alex, my everything.”

The Resolve


Please open your eyes
and look at me
cause I want you to see me
I love you so much
so open your eyes, Fash
open your eyes
And I did, to see the worried looks of the servants, gardener and driver and doctor. But no Alex. Of course. How dumb of me to think he’ll be here, singing for me to wake up. And he calling me ‘Fash’ will never happen.
I mumbled out, “What happened?”
My best friend among them answered, “You were sleeping for two days straight, ma’am. We couldn’t wake you up no matter how hard we tried, so we played a recording of Alex singing…and you woke up.”
I see. That made sense. A lot of sense. Which meant I was almost in coma. And I would have died if not for Alex…but I would not have ended up like this either.
Then someone whispered, “Alex is on his way here…”
I screamed, “What?”
They looked scared and I softly said, “When will he reach?”
Someone said, “Right about now,” when the doorbell rang. Shit, Alex was here.
I opened the door to see both him and his wife there, both with worried looks which turned into relief. Alex grabbed me and gave me a tight hug and whispered, "I was so worried..."
I said, "I'm fine. It should be the nerves, that's all. Come in."
They came in and his wife gushed, "Oh my god! What a huge house, and you live alone?"
Alex chuckled, "Yup, she does. Something about her dream or something."
I felt hurt spread through my body. He used to remember the reason so well and now, it's just 'her dream or something'. I wobbled a bit but straightened out before anyone noticed and said, "Alex, go ahead and explore. I'll be back with drinks."
He smiled and gave me a thumbs up and I hurried to the kitchen and poured some lemonade into two glasses.
They had just made it to the library and Rachel, his wife, was marveling at the sight of it. I'll admit, it is a huge library and it was just the way I wanted it. I handed them the lemonade and she took a sip and said, "Wow, it's fantastic!"
I chuckled, "Thanks, but the recipe is a secret!"
I tried to act normal to prevent Alex from suspecting anything. And I've made up my mind.
I said, "Alex, I need to tell you something."
He asked, "What?"
I replied monotonously, "I'm leaving for Paris and I might not come back."

I Won't Change My Mind


His eyes widened as the blow of words hit him, "What, what are you saying?"
I replied, my eyes downcast, "My decision is final. I'm not sure will I come back or not though."
Rachel just continued to prance around, not caring whether I stay or not. Alex said in an exasperated tone, "Something's wrong isn't it? You hate that stinking place! And the last time you went there you said the same things with the same voice you used just now. What are you trying to run away from?"
I almost screamed, "Yes, I'm running away and I might not return cause what I'm running away from cannot be changed forever! We can keep in touch through E-mails a nd we can call each other or SMS!"
He just asked one question, "What are you running away from?"
I looked at my feet, "Something worst than what I ran from the last time?"
He looked hurt now, "When have we started having secrets between us?"
I smiled at his while closing my eyes to prevent tears, "There never have been. The secret you're talking about has been around for 11 years, you've just never noticed."
He looked bewildered, "What are you talking about?"
I smiled sadly, "It doesn't matter anymore. All has been said and done. There's nothing left to it anymore."
He said softly, "Will you ever tell me about it?"
I looked at my feet, wishing I could, but I would never hurt him of all people like that, "No, I'm sorry, I just don't want to talk about it."
He asked, "Will you ever come back?"
I said, "I might not, since I'll be seeing what I'm running away from almost everyday."
He nodded. He called Rachel over and we said our goodbye. He hugged me tightly and I felt tears spring to my eyes.
I whispered in his ear, "I'll miss you."
He let go of me and as he was walking out with his bride, he turned to look at me with a painful expression and mouthed, "Don't go," before walking out of my estate."
Though tears rolled down my face and it hurts to see him being hurt, I will never change my mind.

Drowning in Sorrow in the Place I Loathe


I was creating a few collections. Everything was situated around Alex. I had once told him that there was someone special in my heart that my clothes always revolved around and when he asked who, I had replied that he'll know someday but he will never ever know now. I always imagined Alex and I walking down a park, both of us holding hands and laughing, me in a floral dress and him in his jeans and a T-shirt, and him suddenly leaning down and whispering in my year, "I love you."

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