Summer Nights, Shawna Whalen [ink book reader TXT] 📗

Running late, I tossed my current readings, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

book to the side and grabbed my packed bag for the pool party tonight.

I left for Ashley’s around 5. Arrived there around 5:30. I wondered who was there already. I wondered if he

would show.

The way to Ashley’s was boring, but my thoughts were brought to his face. I could picture him in my arms so easily. If only…

I walked back to Ashley’s pool; her mom informed me “The girls are inside.” Ashley’s garage is very confusing. She has a pool bathroom and then the door for the kitchen. I walked into the bathroom multiple times before. I walked to the door, “Oops, almost went into the bathroom again.” I spoke aloud to no one.

Ashley’s grandmother told me they were in the basement; I thanked her and went toward the carpeted stairs. Her basement was torturously cold. I shivered the way down.

I recognized Tracy, Ashley and Cassandra’s voices inside Ashley’s bedroom; the door was open and that surprised me. Ashley’s little sister, Abigail was…difficult. Ashley would put it as “naughty”, I laughed each time.

I knocked on the wall outside her room. Tracy’s voice spoke, “Who’s that?” Ashley laughed; “The doors open, I don’t…” she trailed off. I sipped my Mug Root Beer from my Marathon cup silently and waited for one of them to walk out and be surprised by me.

Cassandra rolled over in the room and eyed me. “Oh, it’s…you,” she said jokingly. I laughed and walked into the room.

I had my blue cardigan on over my swimsuit and Cassandra didn’t see so she asked, “You better be wearing a shirt under that.” I laughed again and said in a sarcastic tone, “No, I’m naked.”

I laughed again as Tracy pretended to be frightened and covered her eyes. I missed being with my friends.

We sat in Ashley’s room for an hour or so, talking. We went from subject to subject, but my head was only on him.

Boys were a subject as well, typical for my clan of friends.

They continued talking; I spaced out only coming to reality to drink my pop. When I drank Mug Root Beer, it reminded me of my childhood. Sometimes I wished I knew my real Dad and that we had some sort of relationship; but then I remember things.

I shook my head to bring myself back. They were talking about our periods. My friends are so gross, but I love them.

We laughed and laughed. And then we decided to go swim.

We changed into what we needed; I traded my jeans for tan shorts. I kept my cardigan on as we headed for the pool.

My swimsuit bottoms were ripped so I had boy-short underwear beneath my shorts, I looked awesome.

Sarcasm is my one and only

language.

The water was so clear in Ashley’s pool, I looked in awe. I missed my pool from my last house, I didn’t care if it was one of those above ground, 3 foot deep no diving allowed

pools, it was a pool. Ashley’s was awesome; it was underground, with a diving board!

We all stripped down to our suits. I removed my sweater vest, and sat it next to my towel on the chair. All my friends are so pretty. And I it hurts me when they call themselves ‘fat’; I hate it especially when Tracy does. She’s not

fat.

Tracy, Cassandra and Chandra are tiny compared to me. They might be busty, but that’s not

fat. Ashley is medium but definitely not fat. I was sad that Jessica and Erin couldn’t come, but this was fun.

Cassandra and Tracy are best friends and I don’t think that would ever change. They’re the…inspiration of the group, I suppose. Loud and obnoxious, oh yes.

Cassandra is blonde, blue eyed and beautiful. She’s crazy funny too. Tracy is the same, but she has dark brown hair; naturally. She likes to dye it a lot, but she’s pretty no matter what. Currently, this night she had red frontal dye in her hair. Tracy also had the prettiest eyes of the group, dark chocolate brown; I loved when she lined them with dark eyeliner.

Chandra, she’s the tiny girl of the clan. Little Chandra, half white and half black. There’s not much to speak of about her.

Ashley is blonde too, dark and naturally long blonde hair. She also has blue eyes like Cassandra too. Ashley’s pretty when she smiles.

And then there’s me. Ugly, ugly me.

Sure, I have the dark long locks, and pretty dark hazel brown eyes, but I see ugly staring back at me in the mirror.

In ways, I see myself as pretty. But lately, I’ve been feeling ugly, so ugly. I can’t help but look in the mirror, but I vomit just looking.

I’m ashamed to speak of my weight. I won’t mention that it’s probably why I have never had a boyfriend.

Tracy and Cassandra sat on the edge of the pool while Chandra and I got in. Ashley soon followed.

Slowly, but surely we all sank into the water. Jenna and her boyfriend Greg showed up, no reason intended. Sometimes it made me sick to watch them. A part of me kind of knew that Jenna was playing with yet another

boy; but it hurt that it was young Greg.

Tracy, Chandra, Ashley and I all swam around the pool nonchalantly while Cassandra sat out; she didn’t want to swim. Greg and Jenna sat together on another lounge chair. Ick.

She layed back into his legs. Vomit.

I rested my chin on my arms and kicked my legs around in the water. I wished I could hang out with him.

I wish we could be together. I wish that just once everything could be perfect.

I dream about being in his arms all of the time, but when I look in the mirror I see thing fat, ugly girl who should be alone forever. I don’t think I would nor could survive alone…forever.

I got out of the pool silently while everyone was talking. I dried off and sat there. Tracy always asked what was wrong, even when I was happy. “Nothing.” I said smiling.
Lie.

“Are you sure?” she asked. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if she was asking out of curiosity, concern or just to be polite. I nodded yes, still smiling and she replied with and “okay” and walked back to everyone else.

I always held my emotions to myself. Always locked everyone out. Sometimes I can picture myself telling my parents or Tracy what’s wrong or whatever, but then I get inside their head.

Over thinking things is my thing. When I think of telling someone that I like this person, I picture them in their head saying, “Oh, whatever. That’s gross. Shawna’s fat and ugly.” It’s not like my own sister wouldn’t think it nor say it…to my face.

That’s why I can never actually picture myself happy, in love and all the junk my friends gets. I envy my friends so, but they don’t know.

I turned around in the chair, back in reality. Cassandra, Tracy and Ashley were taking pictures on their cameras. I had tossed mine mixed in with theirs. They looked so happy; I wish I could be happy.

I wish I didn’t have to hide. I wish I didn’t have to fake a smile every fucking day, but I’m getting so good at it, I start believing that I’m happy.

Tracy spots my looking and signs to me in American Sign Language-most of my friends know ASL, so that’s our ‘secret talk’-“Are you okay?”

I signed back, “Yes” and turned back around. I didn’t want her to see, a tear ran down my cheek. Sometimes, when I thought she was asking out of being concerned, it made it happy and sad that she cared.

Quickly wiping the water from my face, I steadied myself. You’re alright, Shawna. Your friends are

right there.

They were laughing and giggling behind me. I need to go have fun and stop being so stupid. But it’s hard when my phone taunts me. He hasn’t texted me for a month.

I grabbed my phone angrily and found his contact name. I stared at briefly. I’d placed the ‘<3’ sign after his name, but I was unsure what he was to me. A friend? A close guy friend? I hadn’t even hung out with him and I liked him so.

I went to ‘new text’ and wrote, "Hey. How come you haven’t texted me?"

A waited in anger for his response. I squeezed my phone tightly so I would feel it pressing into my skin. My hand started to throb when he texted back.

I flipped my phone open and jumped at the sound of Tracy and Cassandra laughing. I turned to glared. They didn’t notice. The message said, "Sorry. I’ve been busy…"

Busy? Uggh!

I tapped the buttons even more angrily. "Busy? Doing what? I missed talking to you." I pressed send and felt my heart fly away along with it.

Approximately 2 minutes later my phone vibrated in my hand. "Working." Understandable.

"And thinking," the message continued. Thinking about what?

I sent my thoughts in the message.

Tracy came to my table where I sat alone, to grab her phone quickly and check to see if her latest beau, Truman texted back. I saw her glance at me, but I didn’t acknowledge it. I hope she didn’t think she was the problem or I was mad at her.

She grabbed her phone, opened it, tapped the buttons a couple times, sat it back where it was, and then walked away. I sighed.

My phone vibrated and my heart fluttered. His texts always did this to me. I opened the message. It read: "You. I’m always thinking of you. Constantly." I gasped. My heart stuck in my throat.

I hadn’t realized Tracy had returned for her phone. “What?” she asked at my gasp. I stared at her for a moment then decided to show her the text. It was a brave move on my part.

“Awww!” she squealed. “Who’s it from?” she asked. I’m not sure why, but I felt as if I spoke his name then, things would go horribly wrong; like they always do. I stared and Tracy again, more intently.

“OH!” she exclaimed and then whispered, “Aaron.” I nodded; I wished she didn’t say his name either.

I blushed, but I was thankful it was barely noticeable. I hadn’t sent a message back to him yet. Tracy was still standing next to me. “That’s so cute, Shawana.” I laughed at my nickname only she calls me.

"I think of you constantly too. It hurt to not talk for weeks." I hit the send button. I smiled at his reply again. "I’m sorry that I hurt you. I promise not to do it again." I grunted aloud. Oops.

No one came over, they’re too loud.

Why did this have to be so dang hard? He said all these things that touched me; how could I not

like him even more? It’s like he knows what touches me the most.

I typed quickly. "I really want to hang out." I smiled at the thought of being in the same room as him. It made my tummy tingle. Shy as I