Jeanie, J. Morris [ebook reader android .TXT] 📗

  Jeanie sat facing her reflection in the mirror, looking for any tell-tale signs. Grey hairs? She searched her shoulder length brown hair and found no unwanted intruders. Wrinkles? She had known other women her age who had developed the odd wrinkle or grey hair; some even in their twenties.  She found nothing. She scrutinized her face more closely. Her eyes seemed a little puffy but that could have been from crying. Maybe it was just the fact that she had reached that age of 37. After all, he was only 23.

 Five days prior they had returned from a week away on an island resort in Fiji. Jeanie had planned it all, booked the flights, the accommodation, even paid for it all. She didn’t mind; she loved Justin. He was unemployed, and on welfare. It wasn’t his fault, Jeanie acknowledged; he wanted to work but just couldn’t find a job he liked.  He shared a small apartment with friends in order to share expenses. Jeannie never hesitated in paying for both of them when they went out to dinner or a club. She had an office job and was earning a reasonable salary. She wasn’t rich by any means, but was making enough for the both of them to enjoy doing things together. She had even helped him buy a used car so he could try and find employment. ‘Helped’ is an understatement. Jeannie actually paid for the car, and often gave him money to put fuel in the tank. They had gone to a used car dealer, and Jeanie saw one that was within her budget, but Justin wanted something a little sportier. The car he chose, a red MG, cost quite a bit more than she could afford and she paid 1/3 in cash and took out a loan for the balance. Justin promised he would start paying her back as soon as he found a job. She had bought him nice clothes, some of which she herself had chosen and surprised him with. Justin was her man and she would do anything for him, for his happiness and his acceptance of her.

  Jeannie thought back to that week away, trying to remember anything unusual in his manner, in his attitude, things he had said. But it was difficult to recall much in detail. The week was a whirlwind of romance and lovemaking and laughing and fun, wining, dining and dancing. It was almost dreamlike as she spent the whole time lost in Justin’s ambience and aura. She loved the attention he gave her. She felt safe and loved, and she loved him like she had loved no other man. The look in his eyes as he peered into the depths of her own gave her the reassurance that he loved her just as much, possibly more, although Jeanie knew that was impossible.

 The weather that week was beautiful, just what you would expect from a tropical island resort in early summer. How incredibly romantic it was to walk hand in hand along the deserted beach at dusk with the sound of the waves crashing and the orange sun dipping below the horizon. Jeanie couldn’t resist stopping occasionally to draw Justin to her and kiss him passionately, the smell of the salt air and the wet sand between her toes adding to the atmosphere. The absence of any other human beings, the screeching of seagulls and the sounds of the ocean created an illusion of being the only two people left on earth. Those moments stood out the most in Jeanie’s memory. Those along with the incredible lovemaking every night and every morning, running her hands over Justin’s rippled athletic body, lying in ecstasy as Justin explored her body, sending her to heaven and back multiple times and causing her to moan involuntarily and call out his name.

 The days were warm and they had swum in the crystal clear waters, frolicked and splashed as lovers do. She had screamed like a schoolgirl when Justin picked her up and carried her to the water to throw her in against her will. In reality she loved it, loved the attention. She imagined she was in a romantic movie and they had the lead roles. She recalled how his gaze moved to her nipples which had become erect from the cold water and were clearly visible through her wet, not-quite-see-through white bikini top. She loved to feel his gaze on her body. It made her feel beautiful, desired, special. She wanted him to sense her vulnerability, appreciate her femininity. She wanted him to appreciate her as a woman. Most of all she wanted him to want her. Whatever Justin asked of her, be it physical, emotional or financial, Jeanie happily and eagerly gave it to him.

 The flight home from Fiji was unremarkable. There seemed nothing to suggest any problem within their relationship. Justin slept a lot on the plane, but Jeanie saw nothing strange about that. He stayed at her place that night. They were too tired for lovemaking but they went to sleep in each other’s arms. When Jeanie woke the next morning he was gone. She expected him to call during the day but he didn’t. She tried calling him but went straight to voicemail. He didn’t return any of her calls. Worried out of her mind, she went to his apartment. She knocked on the door and Justin answered it.

“Justin! What’s wrong? I’ve been worried sick about you.”

Justin shrugged his shoulders and said nothing.

“Justin? What’s wrong?”

Justin averted his eyes. He looked everywhere except at Jeanie. He finally spoke. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

Jeanie’s jaw dropped. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “But…” she began.

“I’m sorry” he said, shaking his head and closing the door, leaving Jeanie standing alone in the hallway, shattered. Jeanie’s lips trembled, she felt dizzy as if she was about to pass out. She raised her hand to knock on the door again but turned instead and walked away. And just like that, it was over. She thought the week on the island would cement their relationship, but now she felt it had driven a wedge through the middle of it. But why? She had no clue, and Justin didn’t seem about to tell her.

 Jeanie thought about those days on the beach. Was that it? Was it her body? Was it changing with her age? Jeanie undressed and scrutinized her body in the mirror from head to toe. Her breasts seemed to droop a little and point downward- at least that’s what it seemed to her. Thinking back to her early twenties she recalls being quite perky. She wasn’t blind to the fact that age tends to creep up on a woman and before she realises it, she is becoming unattractive to the opposite sex, to young men like Justin who are reaching their peak physical condition. He looked after himself. He went to the gym regularly and Jeanie had paid for his membership and protein supplements. She considered it well worth the cost, knowing the enjoyment he received from training, and she herself reaping the benefits of feeling his hard muscular body against hers. But Jeanie had never had an interest in fitness training. Perhaps that was it. Perhaps her body was now showing the signs of neglect. Had Justin become ashamed of being seen with her? Was he ashamed to be seen in public with a short 37 year old frumpy woman who obviously doesn’t share his interest in fitness and body sculpting? She studied her body more closely in the mirror. Imperfections were now becoming clearer to her. Obvious imperfections, or so it seemed to her. There appeared to be a small bulge developing around her mid-section. The ratio of her waist to her hips had changed and there didn’t seem to be as much difference now in circumference. Her eyes moved down over her slight paunch, downwards to where the tops of her legs met. But now it seemed to her to look different than she remembered. Would it really be alluring to a young man? She had never taken much notice before, and Justin had never given any indication that he found it anything but sexy, but doubts were now forming in her mind. The top of her legs seemed to be thickening a little and her thigh-gap had all but disappeared. They were things she had never noticed until now; now that it was too late. There seemed to be some kind of blemish appearing on her left cheek. She drew back her lips and studied her teeth for any yellowing. They seemed ok. She had always taken good care of her teeth.

 Jeanie thought for a few moments. She went to the drawer and found the bikini she was wearing on that holiday, and she put it on. She frowned when she turned to check her bum  in the mirror. That’s not the bum she remembered having just a couple of years before. And  her bikini top did nothing to support her now drooping breasts. She had felt so beautiful on the beach with Justin. His hungry eyes sparkled and seemed to devour her beauty, but now that it was over she was looking at the reflection of a woman in her late-thirties; 5ft 2 inches with average looks and untoned shapeless body.

 But surely Justin isn’t that shallow. Surely he loved her for her mind and her personality, for the way she cared for him. She worshipped him, worshipped his body and his mind, gave him pleasure in any and every way he wanted, she gave herself to him completely as any woman in love would give themselves to her man.

 Jeanie had always considered herself to be reasonably intelligent. She had studied business principles at university, but had not really advanced much career-wise. She was an office worker with a large insurance company, and wasn’t sure if she had the inclination or drive to further herself. Justin had no career and no job, no income except government welfare, but they seemed to be on the same level, socially and intellectually. Why had he left? What reason did she give him to suddenly walk away from their relationship, and not look back? Jeanie tried to recall conversations they had had. Perhaps they weren’t really on the same wavelength after all. Can a woman of 37 and a man of 23 actually be on the same wave length? Can they really have the same interests? Was she becoming boring and uninteresting to him? Had she been fooling herself, falsely believing he would find her thoughts and opinions interesting and worldly?

 Recurring visions and sensations kept returning to Jeanie’s mind. The lovemaking. Feeling Justin's mouth on hers, the tingling sensation down her back as his warm breath caressed her neck. The memories of nibbling his ear, whispering her declaration of  love for him.

 Something niggled in her mind. Can she remember Justin ever returning that declaration of  love? Jeanie tried to think back through their seven month relationship. Had he ever told her that he loved her? She can’t remember ever hearing the words. Surely she would remember something like that, something so important for a woman to hear. Was she so absorbed in her love for him that she had never noticed? Had she been so engrossed in her own feelings that she had never even noticed his lack of emotional commitment?

 Jeanie swapped her bikini for her pyjama pants and shirt and lay on the bed, a stray tear trickling down her cheek onto the pillow. How beautiful and full her life, her world had seemed before. How cold and empty it was now. Where there was once romance and love all around, even in the simplest things; birds singing, rainy days, even the sound of city traffic; there was now nothing but a cold emptiness that