'Mum's First Lover', Harshavardhan C [spiritual books to read txt] 📗

been cursed twice, initially by grandpa and finally by me.

And it was quite unfortunate for any offspring to puzzle in between two, as who his dad was? To whom exactly he was born? But I am unfortunate to be caught in the puzzle; and the only thing which remained in my hands was that I could only close the mystery by ending myself.

Mum I know that you wouldn’t prefer to live after seeing me dead. Please promise me mum not to leave Anirudh. In fact he is a nice gentleman, a perfect fiancé for you; a dignified dad to Honey and more than that he was a humane cop and I admire him a lot. Now at least please don’t cheat Anirudh sir, unlike the cases of John and Samarat”

“Don’t cheat Anirudh” I read the last sentence of Rohit twice.

“Yes, I do admit Rohit and certainly I deserve to be called a cheater” I admitted frankly.

His words never pained me, because I proved myself to be a selfish vampire woman in the guise of mum, otherwise how could I find out alternative bridegrooms one after the other as Mr. John, Mr. Samarat and finally Mr. Anirudh as substitutes for my worldly pleasures?

Now I am doubtful about myself whether am I truly a spinster? Or a true love of Mr. John? Or a perfect maid in the lineage of Mr & Mrs. Richards? Or truly, the mum of Rohit? Or honestly, the widow of Samart? Or could I ever remain as a good wife of Mr. Anirudh?

These questions directly had a bearing over me, both on my heart and soul.

Had I not sacrificed my first soul mate and my first husband Mr. John? Later my second husband Mr. Samarat? Finally my beloved son Rohit and God gifted daughter Honey?

Now I could understand how much struggle the little hearts of my children absorbed while thinking about this selfish mother, still fond of worldly pleasures in the age of nearing menopause?

I honestly admit that I only snatched away their beautiful life and bright career only for my earthly pleasures.

And then I frankly admitted the truth, and that truth was nothing but all follies in my life.

“Pardon me Rohit for keeping you in dark. In fact I have not committed any mistake, but the only shortfall in me was that I failed to speak out my true love and my marriage with my soul mate Mr. John.

I feel it is better to confess now at least before I end myself.

And my dear son, my soul mate is only Mr. John and we married. I truly certify that I only conceived you through him, just before my marriage with Mr. Samarat and begot you my son.

But by hiding this fact, I not only hurt you my child but also I cheated both John and Samarat. And I am only responsible for you committing patricide; and made you a serial killer.

But I am sorry my son for denying your final request. And I frankly confess you that I only became instrumental for ending yourselves abruptly and quite painfully at a quite young age.

So I deserve to be paid back for my sins in this life and in this world only.

I am sorry Anirudh; and my untimely entry into your life caused you a great loss. I am not only responsible for polluting the minds of our children but also responsible for their deaths and also brought defame to your professional expertise.

Let me take the liberty at least at the far end of my life; and permit me to have the satisfaction of remaining as first lover to my children.

Pardon me Honey for I failed miserably to understand the emotions and feelings of the little hearts of my children. And I accept I am a bad mum” I concluded with my broken heart.

And then it was the time for proclaiming the final judgement by the All mighty. His judgement was always an ear or otherwise how cum he allow the young and innocent boy and girl to end their lives quite early and in the most pathetic and painful way?

And the Lord’s judgement for such sins is only capital punishment. So did I pronounce the final judgement as much as a suitable punishment for my sins of commissions and omissions?

The judgement was to end myself quite brutally. And my death should be an eye opener to others who choose to follow my life.

And then I took the glass filled with chilled milk mixed with cyanide.

Anirudh was upset with my attempt on my life.

He was trying his best to break open the door. But even before his attempt I fortified the kitchen by locking the door with the middle lock and bolted on the top and also on the bottom.

“Rose hear me please, don’t make me an orphan, don’t leave me alone, at least for God’s sake don’t do it” He was virtually lamenting.

And I could hear the last words of Anirudh; and his futile efforts to break open the kitchen door.

But all his requests and his hectic efforts to break open the door neither moved my heart nor inculcated in me any further hope to continue this life without my children.

I then wrote at the end of the piece of paper “I am sorry Anirudh for deceiving you too” before I swallowed the poisoned milk.

 

 

Chapter: 38

 

“Death knows no pain. She has gone, and I have lost faith in love. In the name of love only everybody deceived me, thinking that the cops don’t have heart at all.

Neither my first wife nor my newly wedded wife Rosaline does understand my sensitive heart.

And my most affectionate and loveable daughter, Honey also left me thinking that I might be her selfish dad, didn’t hesitate to snatch away her happiness.

I admit I failed quite miserably both as a cop and also as a parent to understand the psychology of my children, more specifically the hearts of women.

And nobody knows that the cops also have hearts, which are pigeon; and they couldn’t bear tragedies; and I was about to collapse, but somebody shifted me to ICU.

When I opened my eyes, I could see that I was on ventilator and a team of doctors were discussing about my massive cardiac arrest and the chances are remote.

I could see my family right in my presence; yes here are my wife Rose and my daughter Honey and my son Rohit.

And I have decided to give up myself quite happily and peacefully to join my wife and children rather than for living alone as an orphan in this world.

The rest is not in my hands.

 

Epilogue:

 

What remains after the war? After the war, in either group there would be as many deaths as possible and so also enormous devastation of properties.

Similarly in the war of love whosoever deprives off love or deceives the love or lover, meets the similar fate.

That is why everything should be fair in love and war.

Love, dating, lust, adultery, extra-marital life, bigamy, is nothing but their ultimate is physical enjoyment only.

Of late there has been a great divide between the parents and the children.

And when the offspring’s grew to age, they are isolated by putting them in children’s bed rooms.

The IQ levels of the of children now a days are high, and during isolation they succumb to drugs, blue literature, pornography and finally they even slip to edition of seeing xxx blue films, when their parents are ignoring and unwatchable their children as what do they do in isolation?

These things by and large appear to be too silly for us, but may mean much to the minors.

‘Every child is a parent of a man and woman in general; and every parent shouldn’t forget the act that he/she too was a child in their beginning’

The teacher can taught his pupil; the doctor can treat his patients, but why the parents neglect their children? And this is more serious than a viral, which is something everyone has to think.

As long as love, dating, marriage, extra-marital life, adultery, homosexuality, lesbianism, unnatural sex, guy sex, viewing pornography, xxx films, sex with animals, so on and so forth are in existence, no one needs to be bother for morals and ethics, and so also no one needs a society with its norms, customs and traditions.

And where one can enjoy as freely as ape-man or Neanderthal man; and then there can only be bastards and bitches in the society, because maternity is certain and paternity is uncertain.

And then one can imagine what shall be the human life on the mother earth? If the human beings are allowed to continue mechanical life, leaving everything except accumulating wealth and indulge in free sex, what will be the fate of human civilization?

Crime takes its birth only in human minds. Unless there is transformation of human minds there is no end for crime.

 

Post Script:

 

Children under adolescent age certainly imitate and react what they have seen. And once they are experienced successfully, it becomes habit for them. And the childhood experiences either good or bad definitely have bad bearing over their lives and beautiful career. And those habits will spoil their beliefs in ethics, morals, and finally decide their fate.

Most of the responsible parents want to instil in their children their own personal values about relationships, sex, intimacy, love, and marriage.

The danger to children stems at least partly from the disturbing changes in attitude that are facilitated by unholy things, worst examples of erotic love, unethical lust for sex and immature and clandestine dating.

The more and the extremes in the behaviour of the parents, elder brothers and sisters would certainly pollute the minds of the adolescent children and the latter consequently develop an appetite for more deviant, bizarre, or violent types of love, dating, and marriage.

Sometimes, the unsolved issues between parents and so also married elder brothers and sisters will have very bad bearing over the minds of the adolescents.

Lack of confidence in marriage as either a viable or lasting institution devalued the importance of monogamy and viewed non monogamous relationships as normal and natural behaviour, effects all round
development and identity of the children.

When in critical periods of childhood, the child's brain is being programmed for and during this period, their minds appear to be developing a "hardwire" for what the person will be attracted to healthy norms and attitudes during this period can result in the child developing a healthy orientation.

In contrast, if there is exposure to vulgarity or pornography during this period, deviance may become imprinted on the child's "hard drive" and become a permanent part of his or her orientation.

 

Psychologist Dr. Victor Cline's findings are:

 

The memories of experiences that occurred at times of emotional arousal, which includes sexual arousal, are imprinted on the brain by epinephrine, an adrenal gland hormone, and are difficult to erase.

Viewing pornography can potentially condition some viewers to have recurring sexual fantasies during which they masturbate. Later they may be tempted to act out the fantasies as sexual advances.

Sexual identity develops gradually through childhood and adolescence. In fact, children generally do not have a natural sexual capacity when they are in between the ages of ten and twelve.

As they grow up, children are especially susceptible to influences affecting their development. Information about sex in most homes and schools comes, presumably, in age-appropriate incremental stages based on what parents, educators, physicians, and social scientists have learned about child development.

Pornography often introduces children prematurely to sexual sensations that they are developmentally unprepared to contend with. This awareness of sexual sensation can be confusing and over stimulating for children.

The sexual excitement and eventual release obtained through pornography are mood altering. For example, if a young boy's early stimulus was pornographic photographs, he can be conditioned to become aroused through photographs. Once this pairing is rewarded a number of