Do You Remember Me?, Onyx [i can read book club txt] 📗

watching a movie. Or just sitting there, me talking about my boring day at the computer repair shop and listening to her talk about her day waiting for me.
“You will soon enough.”
She jumped up and stomped her feet, her eyes flaring, “Quit playing these games with my head! I’m tired of the tricks and the riddles! Tell me the fucking truth. I’m still not sure if I can trust you!”
My eyes moistened up, “I am not strong enough yet. Please understand, Danielle. I promise you I will tell you, but not now. When I’m ready, but I assure you I will never hurt you. I will protect you. I promise on my life and all that has been or will be done. You can trust me.”
Of all the people in the world, I thought she’d be the one to understand. She used to be the more patient one, the more open one.
She took one long look at me and sighed, “You better keep your promises.”
“I will, Danielle.”

Danielle

I still wasn’t sure about this. I never would be. I was never sure of anything in my life up until now; it was all worthless. I was worthless. These people were playing tricks on me. Tonight the voices were especially active.
He’s going to kill you. No he’s not! He promised!
Promises can be broken, Danielle. You are blind. Look at what is going on. Shut up! You’re just a voice in my own head. You know nothing! Especially of him!
You are a burden. On everyone. Do not hold down these people anymore.
The thought scared me. The voices in my head always said these things, these lies and I always fell for them. But tonight I was especially vulnerable. Confused. Alone. Cold. I was afraid to go to bed, knowing the nightmares would be back for sure.
I went to the dresser, slowly sliding open the top drawer. I dug around through the notes, old poems and notebooks, some loose change. Gum wrapper. Aha! There it was! I took the razor blade out of the dresser and collapsed to the floor, back against the rough dresser drawers.
I took a few deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. Was I really going to do this?
Don’t chicken out, Danielle. Actually go through with something.
Was I ready for this?
Yes.
I slid the cold piece of metal across my palm. A drop of blood oozed out and ran down my arm, falling to the floor.
They’d be free now. Jaclyn and C. They wouldn’t be burdened by me anymore. And hey I wouldn’t have to deal with these nightmares or this pain any longer if I went through with this. Isn’t that want I wanted? I could start over with a whole new life. Be born again, a different person.
A person who actually knew who they were. A person with a past and a meaning. A person who could stick up for themselves. A person who didn’t put up with being stepped on or used. A person who was actually wanted.
Another slice. More blood. Hell, let’s get this over with. A deep one across my wrist. So much blood! My cheeks were damp with tears at this point. I watched the crimson puddle extend on the floor as I became lightheaded. The edges of my vision turned purple before everything faded to white. Suddenly many images flashed into my mind.
One of myself sitting under that oak tree at the park, crying. One of C walking up to the pavilion at the park and staring at me. I’d been so scared and confused. Then there was the image of Jaclyn. The last one was of me crying in C’s arms.
It had felt so safe. So… perfect. Almost as though it were meant to be.
But it was far too late to think about these things.

Chris

I had this sinking feeling form in the pit of my stomach when I first heard sirens in the distance. A feeling I’d never felt hearing those sirens before. They were just sirens. Of an ambulance. Probably nothing, right? Nobody I knew? I shook off the feeling without much thought.
It crept back into my stomach as the sirens got closer. Urgency. I realized the ambulance was right in Jaclyn’s neighborhood.
Without even having the thought, I scrambled to my feet and ran. This feeling meant something. Something had happened. To either Jaclyn or Danielle. I ran as fast as I could, praying they were okay. Well, at least Danielle. Jaclyn I didn’t particularly care for anymore. It’s amazing how quickly and how dramatically people can change.

I turned down their street just as a medic was rolling Danielle on a gurney into the back of the ambulance. Her arms… her wrists… all sliced open. There was blood all over. No! Not my Danielle, please no! I ran to them, slipping behind them into the ambulance.
One of the medics, a man in his thirties with short blonde hair and a missing pinkie shouted, “You can’t be in here! Get out!”
“I’m her best friend! I’m staying! Shut up and help her!” I screamed back in tears.
The blonde medic mumbled something and went back to frantically searching for a pulse. There was one, but it was very faint. The whole time, the medic was pushing down on her chest, trying to keep her breathing. He wasn’t pushing down hard enough, I thought. My heart was beating a mile a minute. I wanted to help, but the two medics in here with me just pushed me aside, to the back of the ambulance.
It seemed like forever before we reached the hospital, and nurses were already waiting outside to help bring Danielle in. I trailed behind them, my eyes planted on Danielle the whole time. Her eyes never opened. Please don’t let her die. Not now! Not ever!
I followed as far as I could go before one of the nurses starting shouting at me in Spanish, pushing me out, and buzzing the door shut before I could get back in. I ran back down the hall to the waiting area, where there was a fat woman with an inhaler in the corner, and a man in his 60’s with a missing arm, and gray hair watching the puffer fish in the 50 gallon fish tank. The woman at the desk called me over, asking what happened, what our names were, our relation, etc.
A few tense minutes passed before Jaclyn made her way through the front door, dazed and confused. She caught my gaze and frowned, heading over to me. She bared her teeth and shouted, “What did you do! What did you say? Why must you keep causing problems? Look what you’ve done! She’s tried to kill herself because of you!”
“Jaclyn, I did nothing. I said nothing. Maybe it is you, not me!” I growled, crossing my arms. My legs were shaking. I just wanted to see Danielle and know she was okay.
“Everything was fine until your careless ass showed up! She’s perfectly fine with me! But no… you always have to ruin everything!” By then, everyone in the waiting room had turned and were staring right at us.
“I love her! I can’t just abandon her!”
“Yet you already have!”
“I had no choice! You know this! If you’re just going to fight me, get the hell out. I’m not leaving without knowing Danielle is okay.”
She glared at me, “You’re such an ignorant, careless bastard, you know that?” before stomping away to the other side of the room just to take a seat and stare at me. As if I was a murderer or something. Then again, I was. She just didn’t know it. She didn’t need to.
It felt like years I spent pacing the room, looking back every now and then at Jaclyn, who eventually fell asleep. How could she be so calm and carefree when Danielle could be dead or dying that very moment as far as we knew? My heart jumped and I had to catch my breath. Quit thinking like that. I was always so negative.
The waiting room emptied. Some skinny man with shaggy hair who smelled like cigarettes came and fed the fish. As if those fat suckers needed anymore.
A skinny brunette nurse finally walked into the room, 2 hours later, and said, “Chris, Danielle will be fine. We stitched the wounds and she can be signed out and brought home when she wakes up.”
“Thank you, nurse. I’ll be here to take her home.” Jaclyn replied before I could, suddenly beside me. I turned to her and gave her a cold stare. A tiny grin tugged at her lips. She was trying to irk me on purpose.
“I’ll be here too.”
Jaclyn glared at me, “No. You’re not.”
“Well if you two want to see her, she’s in room 32. Just go down the hall, turn left and it’ll be the second one on the right.”
“Thank you, miss.” I nodded and she headed off.
“Leave, Chris.”
“No.” I muttered, heading down the hall.
I followed the nurse’s directions to Danielle’s room and sat in the plastic blue chair beside her bed. Jaclyn tagged behind, and took a seat in the other blue chair in the corner of the room, returning to her nap.
I kept my eyes on Danielle’s. She looked like an angel while she slept. My gaze trailed down to her wrists every now and then, my stomach churning at the bloody gauze wrapped around them. Why, Danielle, why? Why would you do this?
Was it me? Something I said? Something I did?
My heart sank even lower, and I hadn’t thought it could. What if it had been me? What if I’d been the one to slit my wrists? Would Danielle even care? Would anyone care?
“What’s wrong?” Danielle whispered, her eyes wide open. My gaze had fallen to the floor.
I looked up at her, trying to hide my sorrow, “Nothing… just tired.”
She sighed, sitting up and turning, so that she was facing me, “I can tell the difference between someone who is tired and someone who is upset. It’s me, isn’t it?”
I didn’t need lie. “…Why’d you do it, Danielle?”
She frowned, hanging her head, “I feel like I’m just a burden on you guys. I feel like I’m being stepped on and used by everybody because I don’t remember anything. I feel like I’m being lead on. But most of all I feel alone and misunderstood. Worthless.”
I put my index finger under her chin and raised her face so she was staring into my eyes. She was already tearing over. I couldn’t bear this much longer, I’d lose it too, “Danielle, you are not worthless. You’re not alone. I’m here for you. Nobody’s leading you on. I understand you. You may not understand me, but I understand you. Please don’t do this again… live… for me?”
She bit her lip and nodded and I wrapped my arms around her lightly. I felt alive with her in my grasp. I could protect her. I had a purpose. But Jaclyn was glaring at me from the corner once again so I pulled away after a minute or two, wiping the last of Danielle’s tears away with my thumb.
I wanted to take her. Take her away from this place. To leave Jaclyn behind with my past and just take Danielle somewhere safe. Where it was just me and her. Just so I could make sure she was safe and nobody else could ever hurt her again. I refused to let the