lost, cristal santos aka dancingmilklover246 [elon musk reading list .TXT] 📗

feel anything. No sparks. Nothing.” He frowns lightly. “I’m sorry but no you are a great kisser but I don’t know I feel like I like you but it’s not reaching the heart.” I smile at that a blow out a sigh of relief. “I am glad. I don’t know I just didn’t find anything. Well it was worth the shot.” He burst out laughing at that and I have to smile back. We finish lunch chatting away and when the bell rings he helps me find my classes. By the day Damien tells me he and his brothers had football practice and that they wouldednt get back until 5ish. I nodded and I find my car and slide in. I fins my way home and when I get inside I notice no one was in at home but Clara. I walk into the kitchen and grab a muffin Clara looks up from her laptop and smile brightly. “How was your first day? How did the stuff with parker go?” I look at her blankly. “Okay and no parker are still mad as hell.” I shrug it off. Depression clouding me at the mention of parker being mad at me. I trudge upstairs and sit grab a pair of sweatpants and a purple spaghetti strap undershirt. I let my hair fall down my back and hit my waist. I wipe off my makeup and I grab my book bag from the floor and throw it towards my desk. Before I threw I remembered my laptop and so I walked over the few feet and gently set it down. I sat down on my laptop and plugged in my I pod and started homework. At around 5 30 I started to finish and I heard the door slam and voices. I walked out of the bedroom my feet in my converse as I walk downstairs no one notices me. I look into the living room were parker is sitting there with a girl. He was kissing her and she was kissing back almost as passionately. Julian and Damien were in the next few couches Julian’s fiancé Lilia was sitting cuddled up next to him and Damien was all alone sitting rooting this football game eon. I didn’t notice that Damien and Julian noticed me because ei just kept staring at parker and this girl. When Julian calls my name I turn my head around to face him he starts talking but I don’t hear anything I can only see his lips move. All I hear is the cracking and pounding of my slowly breaking heart. I keep nodding not listening. My focus has turned around again towards parker and this mysterious girl. I can’t see any more my vision blurred with tears. I run past them and down the hallway. I open the door to find the pool. I go to the changing room and put on a 2 piece. When I finish changing I dive into the pool. I do 25 laps until I couldn’t go anyloger. I made it up to thirty and then I floated there relaxing trying to forget about parker. That’s when I hear the door slam. I sink my head underwater. I come up for air I swim towards the edge wondering who it was. I look up and I see parker standing at the edge of the pool. He has a sheet in his hand. I look up and start speaking “parker what do you want from me?” he sighs. “ I saw you kissing Damien and I got jealous I guess and then Damien explained you felt nothing and then I don’t know I guess I’m just a jerk.” I rolled my eyes. I didn’t need the truth I already knew it. I started to start to swim when he grabbed my forearm. “Wait just listens to what I have to say:
“1. Touch her waist
2. Actually talk to her
3. Share secrets with her...
4. Give her your jacket
5. Kiss her slowly
6. Hug her
7. Hold her
8. Laugh with her
9. Invite her somewhere
10. Hangout with her and your friends together
11. Smile with her
12. Take pictures with her
13. Pull her onto your lap
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back
15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her
17. Kiss her unexpectedly
18. Hug her from behind around the waist
19. Tell her she’s beautiful
20. Tell her the way you feel about her
21. Open doors for her walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurt to act like a gentleman
22. Tell her she’s your everything - only if you mean it
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her
24. Make her feel loved
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know
26. Don’t lie to her
27. DON’T cheat on her
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants
29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day a school, and how much you miss her
30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you
31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her)
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatic lly put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly
35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset comfort her
36. When people diss her, stand up for her
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible
41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears
43. Take her for long walks at night
44. Always remind her how much you love her
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re sitting on her” After saying that he look at me. He looks into the pool but notices that I’m not in the pool I’m behind him. He realizes and turns around. I look at him; half of my body screaming out forgives him. Yo love him just hug and kiss and were good. Yet a small part of my body is saying, he hurt you. I listen to the side of me that’s hurt. I speak. “You think that just becausesed you saw me kiss your brother you don’t even come over to see if it was me or him that kissed and my reaction to it?” he hangs his head. “Yeah no I don’t think so. So you know I’m doing homework upstairs when I hear the door slam open and I walk downstairs to actually tell you about the kiss to apologize for being such a bitch lately. You know because I felt bad. I walking down when I see you there making out with some girl. Do you know how I felt in that instant? Pain. Betrayal. Sadness.” He steps towards me “I’m sorry I dint mean that” I laugh without humor. “Don’t you dare lie to me okay?” I start crying “you’re standing here asking forgiveness reading this poem and looking all innocent but you’re not. I’m hurt.” With that I push him into the pool and storm into the changing room. I grab my sweats and t shirt. I grab a towel and run upstairs. I jump into the shower crying my head out. I wash my hair and finish showering. I walk out and pull on some black short shorts and a blue spaghetti strap t-shirt. I decide to stay barefoot. I walk downstairs and let my wet hair fall down my back. I go over to the living room and sit on the sofa. I grab the remote and put on the movie life as we know it. I stretch out on the couch and change whatever the show was on to the movie twilight. Lila wanted to watch it. I shrugged and sat in a corner. As I sit Lilia and Julian cuddled, he holding her protectively, lovingly, possessively. I burst into silent tears. Damien notices and I shake my head ruining upstairs towards my bedroom. I walk into it slowing my pace and lay on my side of the bed. Knowing I’m not happy. I’m not myself anymore. I’m someone they want me to be I’m someone ei think I want to be. As I stare at the wall I know what I have to do.


Damien and Julian and even Lilia came up to check on me. I told them I was fine I just needed some rest I put on a smile. Knowing inside this is the last time either of them actually saw my smile. As I hear their steps retreat downstairs I know that I need to say something first. I walk downstairs. Checking that parker wasen tin the room I told Julian that I liked him as a brother in law and that I hoped he was happy with his future wife. I told Lilia that I wished her luck with Julian that I was happy someone found their mate in this world. No one notices anything. As I approach Damien’s door I rehearse the speech. “Damien before ei go to bed I just wanted to say sorry for being a bitch lately and I love having you as a brother in law. And I hope you find someone that deserves you because you are one hell of a person.” I smile hiding the tears behind my eyes. I hug him and he nods smiling back responding nicely. I walk upstairs again and walk toward the desk. I write the speech I have been dreading the whole time. Writing out in my sloppy script I start and end it like this:
Dear parker.
I know we met under the weird circumstances of our parents arrangements and that I have to be honest that I have developed feelings for you , yet again here I go with the honesty thing again, I know you are not happy. I see it in your eyes. I feel it in your heart, you think you love me but that’s all part of the game our parents created the day they were bored.