Return to First Love, Leandra A. [people reading books .txt] 📗

My Dilemna

I run away again, that's what I thought as I enter my room and clenched my chest from this uncontrollable heart beat. I can almost hear the loud beat of my heart as I remember his word and his touch.

 

You make feel upset sometime, I felt I'm gonna loose my mind. Our conversation always comes to no end, cause you never felt ending it as well. A part of myself seems to still want you but the other half of it wants to forget. It has been my dilemna from the moment I saw you again, I just can't get you out of my head. And I tried my best to run from you but... why do I still find myself attracted to you?

 

The next day I tried to go to work and act normal in front of everyone, in front of him. I made sure to stay distant and avoid eye contact with him.

 

Miss Kim, there's a problem with our client request, my assistant told me looking all worried.

 

What do you mean? I ask her and then tried to calm her down from panicking.

 

It was the one I told you yesterday that we haven't recieve yet,  she answered and I finally remembered that I was supposed to call the client to confirm something but I was so occupied with other things that I forgot it.

 

I'm sorry for this...I'll be sure to take responsibility, let me go to them directly and fix this, I told them andwas very ashamed with that simple mistake I made.

 

I hurriedly went out of the room but before I can do that Zack grabbed my hand and then stand in front of everyone.

 

I'm sure Ms. Kim will be able to talk and get through this with our client, he announced to all while looking intensely at me, If anything fails I'll be sure to take responsibily of this with the higher up as well, he reassures our team and then gave me a push on my back as a good luck charm.

 

When I got there and talk with our client, I can't believe how calm I am right now. Is it because his words that he'll take responsibility as well if all fails? I am really useless compare to him, but still him pushing my back and trusting me this much, for some reason made myself calm and gave me confidence.

 

I was able to atleast have them rethink of withdrawing from the project and gave us some time, is what I told them when I got back in the office. Unluckily for me it was only him and me that was left on the office and I wasn't able to notice that earlier when I entered the room.

 

Zack stand up from his table and move closer to me. I closed my eyes and thought that he'll do something again.

 

But instead I felt his hands patting my head and laughs at me.

 

Hahaha...I just knew you can do it once you gave you best, he then move closer to my ears and whispers, that's what I like about you, he then brushed his hand on my face, good job, Ms Kim.

 

My knees almost gave up on me as he leave the room and left me alone. I can feel the blood rushing to my head and my face becoming warm from heat. I bet he saw my face getting red that's why he brushed his hand on my face as he left.

 

I can't help it...every where he touches me, it burns with heat. Please, don't tear down any more of the barriers I put up around me!

Chapter 3: First Valentine's Date

I remember myself buying a cake and setting up the table, practicing what would be our first eve would look like on Valentine's day. I was happy by myself thinking how fun and wonderful it would be to spend our first Valentine together.

 

Ugh... what did I just dreamed again, this is what I muttered myself as I dreamed of my past self again.

 

It was again that season, that I hated most. Everyone was so excited celebrating Valentine's day but not for me who find it a pain because of its long holiday breaks, which is an inconvenience for me to finish some of my works and meet up with our prospect clients.

 

And of all days to have a nightmare like that...

 

I can't help but blame this season for making me feel all blue everytime. I don't want to think that it has something to do again with him each time I felt this. It just coincide with the fact that we break- up a week before Valentine's  day, ten years ago.

 

I remember telling myself that if I ever saw you again, I'll show you how completely change I am now, how happier I am now and I won't break down. Like a fool, I don't want to cry from being sad and without lingering attachment or regret, I'll forget you. That's how it was supposed to be, but I failed.

 

So here I am back to reality. I can see almost all of my co-workers panicking on wrapping up things earlier so they can go home immediately and prepare for their dates. I on the other hand is planning to sleep over here in the office, if needed just so that I won't trouble myself next day.

 

Do you have any plans this day, I turned my back and saw this man who was the cause of the pain in my head these days.

 

I don't have the obligation to answer you, I answered back and tried to ignore his presence, did not I made it clear that I want you to stop bothering me?! I shouted as I felt this irritable stare he is making right now.

 

You don't have to be that cautious around me, I won't do anything today, Zack answered and made this face like I've hurt him with my words.

 

I remember a long time ago when I looked at you, I can see how loved I am...I'm so happy to recieve such overflowing feelings from you, he said and then turn his back at me, but I guess it was merely a memory that has passed by... I'm just clinging to the past of us and won't admit it has long ended.

 

Zack...I'm sorry...but I...I

 

For some reason I can't utter the words I really want to tell him, he is reallly unfair being this way right now, making me weak in my resolute in denying that I'm still affected with him, that he still play a major part in my life.

 

But can you atleast smile for me as your gift for our first Valentine together and our parting gift, Zack turned his head back at me and gave me a painful smile, I guess with only me wanting us be together again, I can't have you back...I'm the only one who want this painful love to continue, Am I right? So can you atleast smile for me, just once is enough, he said and wait for my reaction to his words.

 

My mind went blank and I can hardly move nor utter a word to tell him, I can't believe what I'm hearing right now. This man who was so proud and seem so confident about the two of us, is saying he give up and wants to leave me again...

 

Sigh...You really hate me this much that you can't even fake a smile for me, he sighed and then turn his back at me to leave.

 

I don't know what came up with me but I hate hearing him telling me that he wish to leave me again and forget me. So with all my strenght I run towards him and grabbed his hand, not letting him go and leave me.

 

You...you are really a liar! I shouted at him with my trembling voice and tears flowing out of my eyes.

 

Zack looked so surprised on how I reacted and more with me crying suddenly in front of him.

 

I...I...Hmp, before I can speak again, Zack stop my lips from saying anymore than this and gave me a kiss.

 

I clenched my lips as I felt his pressing it and then closed my eyes. But then I felt him suddenly stopped, What is it?  I asked him and then saw his eyes staring intensely at me.

 

Can you stop clenching your lips close, I want to kiss you deeper...with our tounge, he told me and then suddenly grabbed my mouth and opened it to kiss me again.

 

Ung...hmp, I can hardly breathe from his kiss and I know that this is not my first time getting kissed like this by him, but still his kiss tonight is somewhat different. I can hardly hold my knees from giving up from the heat he is strongly giving out from his kiss.

 

He only stopped when he hugged me and cling to me as If he is wanting more from me.

 

I remember myself lost in thought while imagining what will the two us will do together on our first Valentine, I'm embarassing and childish right? he told me while looking all happy that I have stopped him from leaving.

 

No...not at all, me as well I bought a cake and even practice what will I say to you on Valentine's day, I told him and then he suddenly hugged me again.

 

I want to do it now, is what he whispered to my ears and made me blush from embarassment.

 

Can't I, Lian? 

 

I can almost feel my chest jump out of my chest when I heard him say for the first time my name with such deep and needy voice, uhm, I nodded and was not able to resist him again.

Innocent Days

"Hey Lian, I never see you going on dates or with a man, you're always surrounded with geeks and books" One of my friends suddenly told me, which made me think what the hell