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page. Smiling, she realized she knew a lot about herself, but then the smile faded when she saw her list of imperfections. Sighing, in a column next to that, she wrote:

Things I want to learn about myself:

1. Who am I

2. What makes me happy?

3. What do I want?

4. Why can't I stop thinking about him?! What makes me so afraid of loosing control?

5. What does she have, that I don't?

6. What the hell is wrong with me?

Denise sighed, and began to ponder these thoughts. After a while, she had a memory of her mother, when she was younger, always telling her that guys meant her no good. They did wrong, that she needed to stay away from them, because she would end up hurt one day and if she allowed that, the road to recovery would be long and hard. She wrote that down, and also put down that all that changed when her mom met her step dad. For some reason, she'd gone from talking about all of these things, to completely avoided to subject all together. Sighing, Denise debated whether or not she should talk to her mother about everything that had been going on. She could hear Quinn's voice telling her that she should. She wondered if she would get angry for her asking her these things, or if she would answer them truthfully?

Denise walked to school three days later. Her lips were chattering and she was desperately trying to thaw out her icy cold hands as she entered the building and was welcomed to a warm toasty atmosphere. Sighing, she walked to her locker and grabbed her things. Completing her walk down the hall, she was lost in her own thoughts. She'd had a doctor's appointment and was late for her third period. She'd missed first, second and half of third.

Sherry was talking and laughing with Candice, when she saw her. She looked kind of spaced out. Almost like she wasn't even there. This caused her to narrow her lids in animosity. What was she so preoccupied by, that she wasn't even in the real world? Stupid girl. Thinking Denise could use a dose of reality, Sherry whispered something in Candice's ear and then turned cold eyes upon her prey. They walked until they came upon her. Sherry swiftly, but inconspicuously bumped her as they walked.

Denise stumbled, but caught herself. Coming out of her deep thoughts, she turned around and watched the two girls walk down the hall. This made her furiously upset. Bitches did that on purpose! She mumbled to herself. Swallowing deeply, she closed her eyes and willed herself to be calm. They didn't mean to do it. She reasoned. It was at this moment, her heart screamed, Like hell they didn't. She'd been minding her own business not bothering them, and Sherry decides she wanted to do that. This made her so angry, she turned back. Both girls were nearing the end of the hallway now, heading toward the staircase. Denise crossed her arms. They shouldn't get away with that. As a matter of fact, all the things they've done have been to hurt me. She frowned, not liking this. When she heard Sherry's cackle, this did it for her. Fuming, She walked up to them swiftly.

Sherry glanced over at Candice, "Yeah, I totally just chilled out this weekend." She told her. Candice hung on to every word. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I told Lamont that I wasn't going out with him and that if he tried that crap with me that he'd done with Denise, I was going to cut his jewels off and grind them up." She made motions in the air, like she was putting something through a meat grinder."

Candice grimaced, "Dang, it's like that, huh?"

Sherry laughed, "Yeah, it is."

Denise walked up to Sherry. Stopping the girls in their tracks, she said, "I hate you."

Sherry rolled her eyes, not even looking up at her. "Whatever."

"I do," Denise insisted, her arms folded. "I'm also this close..." She held up her hands, made less than an inch of space with her thumb and pointer finger, "to whipping your butt."

Sherry rolled her eyes again."Whatever barracuda, now, get out of my way." She tried to sidestep her. Denise stepped with her. This caused Sherry to look up at the girl. "What the hell do you want?"

Denise stared her in the eyes, hers a blazing inferno. "I want you to apologize."

Sherry sighed, bored, "For what?"

Denise lowered her hands to her side. Sherry took a step back. Denise sighed, "For all the bull shit you put me through, my sister through, everything."

Candice spoke up. "Your sister did that to herself."

Denise glared at her, "Ain't nobody talking to you, you couldn't even take up for yourself, so you don't have any say in this."

Candice sighed bitterly, somehow agitated that she'd been like that. "You know what, you're right, I didn't take up for myself, but your sister had a lot of nerve...."

"Shut up, Candice!" Sherry hissed, interrupting her. Denise looked back at Sherry, "What is it that you don't want her to tell you blue eyed devil."

Sherry put a hand on her hip. "Nothing that concerns you. I'm not apologizing to you."

Denise laughed, "What did this bitch tell you?" She demanded to know from Candice.

"Bitch?" Sherry gasped loudly.

Candice stared into Denise's eyes, the fear evident. Her voice had been so calm, it was chilling. "She said that..."

It was then things spun out of control. Sherry reached out and slapped Candice, "Don't you dare say another word." She commanded.

Denise's eyes grew big in shock, but then as tears watered in the other girl's eyes, she felt anger boil over within her like lava spewing from a hot volcano. Balling her fist, she swung.

Sherry stumbled back, and yelled out in pain. "What the..."

Denise spat out, "You want to fight, fight me. Why you got to hit her? She didn't do anything to you."

Tears sprang out of Sherry's eyes due to the pain. She glanced up at Denise. "That hurt." Denise nodded her head, "That's nothing, I can do more than that. You ever put your hands on her again, I will do more than that."

Sherry swallowed, the lump forming in her throat, the tears spilling from her eyes. She stared at Denise. It was then that Denise got a glimpse of the little girl inside a teenager's body. This propelled her strength and she stood up straight. Looking over at Candice, she said, "What did she tell you?"

Sherry's lips trembled.

Candice looked up at her, her blue eyes innocent. "She said that your sister told everybody about my parents divorce and some other stuff that I told her. She said that she didn't really like me."

Sherry began to step away from both girls. Denise turned her venomous gaze upon her. "Where do you think you're going?"

Sherry put a hand up to her face when Denise stepped forward, afraid that she was going to hit her. "I..I.”

Denise shook her head, "I'm not going to hit you unless you lash out at me. Then I'm just going to knock you out."

Sherry was unnerved by how calm she was. There was no yelling, no screaming, nothing. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

Denise shook her head. "You're sorry? You caused me to loose the only guy I ever really loved, and all for what? For malicious lies and deceit that you planted in my head?"

Sherry lowered her eyes, reduced to shame.

Denise nodded her head, vexed, "Man, you're not even worth the space you take up. You fucking go around sabotaging everyone else's happiness, because you're so miserable. Beyond all that pretty makeup, you really are nothing, so you have to manipulate through your words and actions. That's sick." Sherry flinched.

"Look at me please."

Sherry looked up at her. Her gaze naked, revealing just how empty she was on the inside.

"You need help, girl. Real, serious help." Denise stated, her tone even. Sherry sighed, turned and walked away without a word.

Looking over at Candice, she said, feeling rejuvenated, "She can't be a friend to you Candy. She doesn't even love herself. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else."

Candice smiled at Denise, "Thanks." Tears were coming down her cheeks. She'd never had anybody other than Vicki take up for her, but never had anyone slapped another for her cause.

Denise sighed, and smiled back, "Hey, I did this as much for me, as I did for you." There was a lengthy pause, and then Denise corrected some past errors. "Look, Vicki never said any of those things Sherry told you. Vicki's not the type to betray her best friend."

Candice smile widened even more. "I know. I always knew she hadn't."

"Then why did you let her tell you that?" Denise inquired, but then thought of her own scenario, and sighed, "You know what, don't even answer that, just make sure you talk to Vicki after school, k?"

Candice pulled her bottom lip into her mouth. "Do you think she'll forgive me?"

Denise shrugged, "I don't know. I can't say for sure. But, at-least try."

Candice nodded and then did the unexpected. She reached out and gave Denise a hug. Denise smiled, "You're welcome." She hugged the girl back.

Candice let go and then ran off to class. Denise inhaled, closed her eyes, and exhaled. She felt some of the tension leave her body. She was proud of herself for standing up to Sherry. She smiled glad that she'd done it for herself. Exhaling, again, she felt tears spring to her eyes.

Reaching up to swipe them, her head went up. Standing in the library doorway, watching her, was Jordan. He had this perplexed look on his face. A hint of a smile in the corner of his eyes. His green eyes sparkling. She swallowed and accepted for the first time, the feelings of love that washed over her. It made her smile. He just stared, not really saying anything. Finally after a minute, he turned away and opened the door to go inside. Instead of going to her third hour class, Denise went to the cafeteria, found a seat in the back, away from the prying eyes of everyone and sat down in a corner. Taking out her journal, she wrote down what had taken place between her, sherry and Candice. Then, she wrote down what she felt for Jordan. her feelings, her thoughts, everything.

Jordan stood inside the door of the library, feeling breathless. He couldn't even think straight. If there was one thing he recognized, it was that look she'd given him. He knew at that moment that she loved him. He could tell that between the time she and Quinton had went to the mall, something had changed. It made his heart beat faster, his knees weaken, but then Sebrea came to mind. He closed his eyes. He didn't want to hurt her. He couldn't, wouldn't hurt her.



 

 

 

Chapter Thirty Two: A talk with mom

 

Denise had settled everything in her mind by the time the bell rang after her brief afternoon of school. She was going to talk to her mom about everything that happened with Jordan and try to get her spin on things. She also was going to talk to her about the issues that were plaguing her thoughts, things she'd never voiced before.

However, she knew that her mother was at work right now, which meant she'd have to go up to her office. Her mother worked in Richmond for the Landerville Ad agency, where she made billboard ads on a daily basis. Sighing, she took out the bus pass she'd bought three days prior after Quinn had picked her up to take her to Y.A.A.L. Denise had long since quit working at the grocery store and had been hired as part time staff at Y.A.A.L. She'd been hired on for the history part, teaching the children history through books and just regular tutorial ideas. She enjoyed this job much better than she had the grocery store and the little kids

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