Showing vs. Telling, S. G. Ricketts [classic romance novels .txt] 📗

Writing is art. Our pen paints a picture on the canvas of the mind. But, how does one do that? Showing a story doesn't come as easily as telling a story, but the difference between the two is drastic.

Here is a personal example. The Telling example below was written over 6 years ago, long before I knew about the art of painting a story. The Showing example was done today. It was hastily done, but hopefully it illustrates my point.


Telling:

The world flew by beneath her feet, an endless carpet of greenery. Oblivious to anything but the wind rushing past her face and the earth beneath her, Steephi stretched out her arms, gasping as the restraints tugged lightly at her waist. The air whistled past her face, chilling her nose and streaming through her hair. Blinking back tears, she looked back over the edge and down into the forest below. The ground dipped closer for a moment as her mount readjusted himself for landing, and she let out a gasp of surprise.
“You’ll have to get used to more than that if you ever want to make something of yourself,” the man behind her chuckled. She glanced behind her and managed a small smile as the Syrnyaian countryside rushed away beneath her. The man chuckled again and looked away, squinting.
Steephi took her eyes off the ground and tried to regain her balance. To the east sparkled the Sea of Diamonds. To the west were the Plains. Directly in front of her rose a huge mountain. Half of the face was blown off, but Steephi couldn’t tell what might be inside. The late afternoon sunlight cast a deep shadow through the center, and she was too far away yet to see very well. Impatiently, she waited as the man directed the dragon. The setting sun caught off something faintly blue, and she squinted, trying to catch it again. “Stop fidgeting. Those restraints weren’t made for that,” the man said, and Steephi sat back.
The day had already been long, and Steephi was impatient to be back on solid ground. She had been on dragonback for most of the day, and they hadn’t landed since the last time she had to relieve herself. The dragon dipped again and her tired legs groaned at the movement. The mountain was getting closer, and Steephi caught the sight of blue again. This time she could tell what they were. Light blue tunnels stretched across the crater like the strings of a spider web, going in all directions. She could just make out the faint silhouettes of activity going in and out. Those must be dragons!
Suddenly nervous, Steephi straightened her dress and tried to make herself look somewhat presentable. The man behind her snorted. “Lass, you’d be better off going naked than walking around in that potato sack.”


Showing:

Green. It was all green. The world was an endless sea of life, verdant fingers stretched up towards her. Behind the riding goggles, her eyes began to water. The sheer beauty of it all was overwhelming. Wind screamed in her ears, chilling her even through the thick riding jacket. Oblivious to anything but the wind around her and the earth beneath her, Steephi stretched out her arms, gasping as the restraints tugged lightly at her waist. Why had she been so afraid of this? This...this was heaven. She was wrapped in a cocoon of air, a goddess streaming just above the trees. The ground dipped closer for a moment as her mount readjusted himself for landing and her gasp was ripped away.
“You’ll have to get used to more than that if you ever want to make something of yourself,” a deep voice chuckled, whiskers tickling the nape of her neck. Steephi hazarded a look behind her, wobbling as the wind buffeted her. He grinned, a thing almost as fearsomely ugly as his face.
To the east sparkled a vast expanse of blue, its surface melding into the indigo of the sky. Truly, the Sea of Diamonds lived up to its name. The wind thrummed across her cheeks as she looked to the west. Golden fields gathered at the feet of rocky kings, their spires wreathed in white. Syrnyai, jewel of the colonies. Directly before her towered a lopsided giant, its side mangled and deeply shadowed in the late afternoon sunlight. Callused, slender fingers drummed against the saddle, impatient to see what was hidden in the shadows. The setting sun caught off something faintly blue and the man grunted as the saddle shifted beneath them. Steephi steadied herself against the beast’s shoulder, too intent on the mysterious light to notice its startled glance. “Quit fidgeting, lass. Those restraints weren’t made for that.” The leather protested her movement but Steephi obeyed.
The ground jumped up suddenly as the dragon slipped out of a thermal. They were close enough now that she could just pick up the smell of sulfur. Salt wove its way through the air as well, a silent reminder of what lay just beyond the crippled volcano’s bulk. Sapphire ribbons slipped into view again and her fingers dug into the saddle.They were beautiful, light blue tunnels stretched across the crater like the strings of a spider web. Fleeting flickers of color caught her eye and, entranced, Steephi leaned forward again. “Dammit girl...” Dragons... Hundreds upon hundreds of them, dancing in and out of the fading light, bodies vibrant and wings wide.
Suddenly, they were swallowed by the mountain. The size of it all was a shock. Feeling the first inklings of fear, she brushed shaking fingers across the faded dress. The man snorted. “Lass, you’d be better off going naked than walking around in that potato sack.”

Publication Date: 06-16-2011

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