How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #4), DeYtH Banger [ebook reader screen .txt] 📗

The difference between them is that coveting takes place in the mind. And I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife, otherwise what's a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot?

But marital fidelity is a good idea, so I suggest we keep the idea and call this commandment "Thou shalt not be unfaithful." Suddenly we're down to four.

And when you think about it further, honesty and fidelity are actually parts of the same overall value. So, in truth, we could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments, and, using positive lan­guage instead of negative, call the whole thing "Thou shalt always be honest and faithful." And now we're down to three.

•THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S GOODS.

This one is just plain stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going: Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "O Come All Ye Faithful," you want to get one, too. Coveting creates jobs. Leave it alone.

You throw out coveting and you're down to two now: the big, combined honesty/fidelity commandment, and the one we haven't mentioned yet:

•THOU SHALT NOT KILL.

Murder. The Fifth Commandment. But, if you give it a little thought, you realize that religion has never really had a problem with murder. Not really. More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.

To cite a few examples, just think about Northern Ireland, the Middle East, the Crusades, the Inquisition, our own abortion-doctor killings and, yes, the World Trade Center to see how seriously religious people take Thou Shalt Not Kill. Apparently, to religious folks—especially the truly devout—murder is ne­gotiable. It just depends on who's doing the killing and who's getting killed.

And so, with all of this in mind, folks, I offer you my revised list of the Two Commandments:

First:

•THOU SHALT ALWAYS BE HONEST AND FAITHFUL, ESPECIALLY
TO THE PROVIDER OF THY NOOKIE.

And second:

•THOU SHALT TRY REAL HARD NOT TO KILL ANYONE, UNLESS,
OF COURSE, THEY PRAY TO A DIFFERENT INVISIBLE MAN
THAN THE ONE YOU PRAY TO.

Two is all you need, folks. Moses could have carried them down the hill in his pocket. And if we had a list like that, I wouldn't mind that brilliant judge in Alabama displaying it prominently in the courthouse wall. As long he in­cluded one additional commandment:

•THOU SHALT KEEP THY RELIGION TO THYSELF! Chapter 10 - Talk

 Note: Look RSD Julien "Be the best version of yourself."... I don't have such version of myself.

 

 

 

 The Truth About Lying

 

 

 

Are you an honest person?

Seriously, ask yourself: are you honest? Wait til you have your answer before reading on.

Do you have it? Cool.

Now ask yourself: Do you lie sometimes?

I’m willing to bet that you’d say you’re an honest person. I’m also willing to bet that you lie sometimes. So you’re honest…except when you’re not.

 

Now for the real question: can someone who lies sometimes qualify as an honest person?

Or are we all really just liars in denial?

When lying is the right thing to do

I can hear you now.

 

“Of course I’m still an honest person! It’s impossible to be honest ALL the time and I am honest most of the time.”

That justification seems to make sense. After all, there are certainly times where lying is more than justified.

Take the classic moral case. An axe murderer shows up at your door looking for your roommate. You know your roommate is upstairs. If the axe murder finds him, he’s totally finished. So the axe murderer says, “Could you kindly tell me if your roommate is home?” Should you tell him?

No. Duh. You lie. Because you had to, right?

Wrong.

 

You didn’t have to lie. You could have said, “Right this way, Tommy is upstairs!” Your buddy would be in a pretty terrible spot, but you could have told the truth.

Now let me go on record as a big proponent of lying to axe murderers. I think that is the right thing to do. But here is my point: You never have to lie. You always have a choice. You have complete freedom of response, even if you don’t like the outcome. Don’t hide that from yourself.

 

The question you have to ask yourself is not “Do I have a choice?” (you always do). The question is: “Is this lie worth it?”

 

Axe murderers and roommates with lives on the line? Worth it.

But what about lying to your boss about why you took the day off? Or a friend about having already left the house to meet him, when you’re actually still getting dressed? Or a girlfriend who will get mad if you tell her you were out partying with friends and flirting with other girls?

 

These are the lies supposedly honest people tell day in and day out. And be honest. You tell them too.

 

Why do we lie?

 

Axe murderers aren’t banging down your door. I’m willing to bet no lives are on the line when you decide to lie.

So if you don’t have to, what justifies your lies?

Convenience. You lie because it is advantageous to you.

Lying to your boss spares your job (or at least a verbal lashing) Lying to your girlfriend keeps her off your back Lying to your friend about being late spares you their righteous indignation

We tell ourselves about the noble white lie to protect others. But 99% of the time that we lie, we are benefiting ourselves by tricking other people into believing something that is untrue.

 

The moral justification for lying is only at the extremes. Almost all of the moral excuses we give ourselves for lying are just a veiled way to get what we want while still feeling like good, honest human beings.

So let’s not pretend we are lying because we HAVE to. We lie because it helps our interests.

 

Okay, but I like the advantages I get from lying and no one is getting hurt. Why be honest at all?

 

Well, there are plenty of reasons. Some you might find more compelling than others. Here’s a rundown:

HONESTY CREATES LESS PAIN IN THE LONG TERM

You wake up with 5 million dollars in your bank account. Are you pleased?

Seems obvious, right? Of course you are! Five million bucks – you’re over the moon. But it’s a trick question.

Because if you went to bed with $10 million and you wake up with $5 million, you are not pleased at all. You are one pissed off camper.

Why is that? After all, it’s the same $5 million dollars!

 

Because reality did not match your expectations. Memorize this: circumstances do not upset people. Dashed expectations do.

This clip from 500 days of summer illustrates the point beautifully:

 

 

 

It’s not simply the things you do that upset or excite people. It’s the gulf between the things you do and what they expect from you. It is not the honesty that causes pain. The pain comes from when you created a rift between expectations and reality.

I repeat: you don’t upset people by telling them the truth. You upset people by lying in the first place. The moment of honesty is just when you pay your debts.

People associate honesty with pain because it is in the moment of honesty that pain occurs. That’s like associating your monthly credit card payment with pain. The debt was incurred when you bought something. The monthly payment is just clearing the account.

So if you’ve been living a life that includes lies, you have some debt to clear. And it doesn’t matter if those lies are implicit (Your boss thinking you’re planning on staying at your job when really you’re interviewing elsewhere) or explicit (You tell your parents you believe in God when you don’t). You’re still going to have to reckon with dashing people’s expectations.

The consolation is that you never have to incur that debt again.

HONESTY IS A PILLAR OF SELF ESTEEM

Your self-esteem is your reputation with yourself. It is the feelings you have towards the person you have become. And it is an absolute prerequisite for true happiness.

Think about it: if you don’t live up to your own standards, how can you feel good about yourself? Sure, you can experience pleasure. But how can you feel worthy of true happiness if you don’t respect yourself?

So if you think lying is wrong, and you continue to lie, your self esteem plummets. No matter what mental booby traps you set up to rationalize, your self-esteem KNOWS. You are a liar. You cannot pretend otherwise. Even if no one discovers you, YOU are always there.

You can try. You can justify, and rationalize, and come up with exceptions for yourself. But in the end you know. And it will eat away at you.

HONESTY FORCES YOU TO DO BETTER

A few weeks back, I reached out to my friend, Chris, who is a badass trainer. I wanted some fitness advice. He came back with a detailed, day by day, meal by meal, exercise by exercise training program. It was specified to my current diet, training routine and fitness goals.

And it was no fun at all.

While I agonizing through one of my sets on the first day I thought, “This can’t be worth it. I’m quitting.”

Except if I did I would have had to tell Chris the truth. I couldn’t just invent some excuse about not having the time. I would have to say, “I quit because it was too hard.”

The only way I could avoid saying that would be to actually stick with it.

So I did. For a week. And then two. And then through a grueling week of travel.

And now I’m hooked on the feeling of improving in that area. Because I had to be honest, I felt compelled to do the tough, right thing. My life is better for it.

Imagine if you had to tell the truth about everything you did. What bad habits would you cut out? (I know my grandma would have to stop sneaking cigarettes!) What good habits would you pick up? What people would you alienate? What people would you attract?

Yes, there would be an adjustment period. Coming clean is never easy. But once you’ve cleared your lie debts, life gets better in every way.

SITUATIONS REVERSED, HONESTY IS WHAT YOU’D WANT

Morality is a tough topic to tackle in a single blog post. So let’s keep it simple. We’ll go Golden Rule on this one:

Should your significant other lie to you about where they have been? Should your employees lie to you about why they are late? Should your friend lie to you and say you’re really well liked when your group of friends talks bad about you behind your back?

No. You want the truth! You want to dump your cheating girlfriend, chew out your late employee, and know if your friends are secretly talking crap on you.

So give other people the same respect. Don’t manipulate them. Give them the truth and let them make informed decisions, even if it isn’t to your benefit.

How to be honest: the nitty gritty no one ever talks about

Okay so hopefully you’re convinced to start being a whole lot more honest.

But how do you start? It’s not just by saying whatever pops into your head. That’s just abrasive and it’s not even strictly honest.

You need practical honesty.

WHAT IS PRACTICAL HONESTY?

Practical honesty is NOT always saying the literal truth. That would kill all forms of joking.

Practical honesty is NOT saying every thought that comes into your head. That is unproductive and occasionally dishonest because the truth shifts as we consider it.

Practical honesty means communicating all meaningful truths in