Never Ever Bring This Up Again, Kate Garrabrant [read a book TXT] 📗

The Saturday morning looked to be another scorcher in the making. Joshua had no desire to leave his cool bedroom, where the air conditioning had been set at a comfortable temperature, to combat the hot and humid August day. Joshua didn’t want to get out of bed period. It was barely ten in the morning. He enjoyed hearing the hum of morning cartoons from downstairs. There were also sounds coming from the kitchen where his wife of six years made breakfast for their two sons, Jake and Chris ages four and two respectably. Susan woke up along with the children who had no sense of sleeping past seven, even if it was on a weekend. The only day Joshua slept in was on Saturdays. But not this current Saturday because he was expected to do household chores such as cut the grass that hadn’t been mowed in over a month and tinker inside the house fixing things like the leaking pipe in the bathroom. Joshua didn’t want to do any of these things. He wanted to lie in bed and sleep his Saturday away.
Once upon a time he didn’t have any of these responsibilities. No wife or children to take care of. The only one that mattered was himself and that of his father and brothers. Once he had a mother, but she’d been out of the picture for a very long time.
Now he’d become much like his father, a man who once had many people counting on him to keep a house over their heads and food on the table. Joshua felt sick about the whole thing.
Last night as his two boys slept and he made love to his wife, he couldn’t concentrate, although his body seemed fine in finding its own release without his brain being overtaxed. Susan fell asleep soon after. He knew he’d given her pleasure from the snores coming out of her mouth. His body enjoyed the exercise, but as he lay in that bed beside her, with the sweat drying on his body and listening to the hum of the air conditioner, he came to the conclusion he had become sick of it all. He wanted to get up and leave, turn his back on the women he loved with all his heart and his children who he cried over the day they’d been born. He was sick and tired of life and wanted to throw in the towel.
The guilt ate away at him. That emotion he felt proved he wasn’t such a cold bastard. He should be very grateful for what he had. His father sacrificed so much for his family, especially after what happened with their mother.
Joshua turned on his back and pounded his fist against his forehead. The sounds from the television grew louder and he could hear his boys fighting with one another. A slight headache formed behind his eyes and in the comfortable temperature of his bedroom, Joshua felt the need to get out and breathe somewhere else.
He suddenly felt suffocated.
There was one place he would feel free-- his dad’s or the house he grew up in as a boy and where he felt safe and secure until he turned twenty-two. That was when his whole life came crashing down, as well as his father’s. Perhaps the time came to confront the dirty little secret his family never talked about, the topic that was never bought up and now over a decade old.
It was time to face the music. Then perhaps he wouldn’t feel like running away.


The time was a little past eleven. Joshua came downstairs wearing a gray t-shirt and khaki shorts with brown flip-flops. As soon as his youngest saw him he squealed and ran into his father’s arms.
“Da!” Little Chris scampered over with his Tonka truck in one hand, his faded blue sippy cup in the other. Joshua smiled, but one that didn’t reach his eyes. Still, he grabbed his son and swung him around the room. Chris squealed and Joshua blew a raspberry into the boy neck. Chris let out a giggle and Joshua placed him back on his feet and steadied him, making sure he didn’t look too dizzy where he would fall. Jake walked over and gave his father a hug around the hips. Joshua patted his eldest boy’s auburn curls. Susan watched from the kitchen smiling over her coffee cup at her big man and little men sharing their love for one another.
“Daddy! Let’s play ball.” Jake grabbed Joshua’s hand and tried to pull him toward the backdoor near the kitchen and out into the backyard.
“Hold up buddy. Daddy has to go out. We can play ball when I get back.”
Jake let go of his father’s hand and crossed his arms. He pouted and stomped back into the living room where Chris played with his trucks. Another time Joshua would have disciplined his son, but because he was already in a sour mood as it and didn’t care, he turned away to grabbed a quick cup of coffee to go.
Susan didn’t say a word as she watched her husband grab a plastic coffee cup out from the cabinet and pour some coffee into it.
“Are you going to mow the lawn? I think you should before it hits noon. It’s going to be at least one hundred today.”
Joshua looked out the window at his grass that was overdue for a cut. He grimaced and held back a sigh. He wanted to tell Susan to shut her trap but he knew she wasn’t harping. She was always so easy going and just concerned that he wouldn’t overheat.
He took a sip of his black coffee and turned around with a neutral look on his face. “I might wait till later in the afternoon when the sun’s not so high. I need to go see my dad.”
Susan placed her own mug on the counter and walked over to Joshua. She glanced over and saw the boys playing. She wrapped her arms around her husband and gave him a kiss. He kissed her back and they stood there for a moment in one another’s embrace.
“Is he doing okay?”
Joshua patted her back and looked down into her hazel eyes. “Last time I checked the old man enjoying sitting his barker lounger and watching his digital cable.”
Susan chuckled, gave Joshua one last kiss, and went over to pour herself more coffee. Because her back was turned away from Joshua, she didn’t see him frowning at her. Joshua felt very overheated and again that feeling of the walls closing in on him almost overtook him. He wished he could have stayed back in bed in the cool confines of his air-conditioned bedroom.
“I haven’t been to the house to see dad in a few days. I’m going to stop over there and spend some quality time with him and then… I don’t know.” Joshua muttered the last part.
“Huh?” Susan said as she emptied the dishwasher.
Joshua shook his head. “Never mind. Just speaking aloud to myself.” He finished his coffee and poured another cup to take with him for the ride.
Susan looked up and smiled. “Tell Poppa Joe I say hello and that the boys miss him. We should have him over. Perhaps we should have a barbeque next weekend? I know how much he loves to get out of the house and play with Chris and Jake.”
Joshua’s hand tightened around his mug. “Sure. I’ll ask.” He turned away to grab his keys when Susan called out to him.
“Hey there mister, aren’t you forgetting something.” She crossed her arms and gave a pout, much like Jake had done.
Joshua wasn’t amused, but smiled anyway and raised a hand. “Love you.” He walked over to where his keys hung on the wall and out to the garage. He didn’t even say goodbye to his sons. They didn’t seem to care either.
Susan stood there frowning. She had a wife’s intuition after all and she knew when something was wrong with her husband. She shrugged and hoped that by Joshua seeing his dad he would be in better spirits. She didn’t like the recent feeling she had, where her thoughts haunted her. The fear she could be loosing him brought tears to her eyes.


The ride to Joshua’s father’s house took less than twenty minutes. He usually drove the freeway but this time he decided to take the scenic back roads through the suburban areas. This route allowed him to play his Simon and Garfunkel greatest hits CD and blast his air conditioning in his three-year-old Lexus. No child’s seat or grubby fingerprints were allowed in this car. That was for the Jeep Liberty Susan drove.
Joshua felt somewhat better as he belted out “Cecelia”. He loved driving and didn’t mind his normal thirty-minute commute to work every morning. Those mornings were his time to think and lose himself in his own world. He could pretend to be anyone in that short time. There was no wife or children to bring him down. He felt like a god on the freeway for that short half hour. But then it would be all over as soon as he drove into the parking garage. He also felt the same on the ride home from work when he pulled up into his own garage. He needed to take a few minutes to pull himself together and put on his game face; the same one his wife enjoyed seeing and didn’t question.
A feeling of nostalgia came over him as he pulled his car in front of the brick house he lived at for the first twenty-one years of his life. This was where he’d been born and raised by two incredible people who loved each other and very dedicated to their family. Joshua had always admired his parents, especially his dad. Not a day went by where he didn’t think of the man who made him into what he was today.
The air felt thick and wicked hot. By the time Joshua walked up the front steps, the back of his t-shirt was already damp with his sweat. He rang the doorbell and opened the door. He always rang the bell so not to scare his father.
“Hey Pop, it’s Josh.” He yelled as he walked into the foyer and closed the door. The smell of glass cleaner and wood polish was strong. The housekeeper must have come yesterday to dust and vacuum.
“I’m having lunch in the kitchen.” A deep resonating voice spoke from the back of the house.
Joshua smiled. He always loved hearing his dad’s voice. It came from a man who knew what he wanted and wouldn’t be told otherwise.
Walking down the hall and into the sunny kitchen where he had eaten many meals, he noticed his father sitting at the kitchen table drinking glass of orange juice in one hand while he ate a