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Chapter 1 Pg 1

The Schoolhouse At Waddy Was Not In The Least Like Any Of The Trim State

Buildings That Now Decorate Every Victorian Township And Mark Every

Mining Or Agricultural Centre That Can Scrape Together Two Or Three

Meagre Classes; It Was The Result Of A Purely Local Enthusiasm,  And Was

Erected By Public Subscription Shortly After Mr. Joel Ham,  B.A.,  Arrived

In The District And Let It Be Understood That He Did Not Intend To Go

Away Again. Having Discovered That It Was Impossible To Make Anything

Chapter 1 Pg 2

Else Of Mr. Joel Ham,  Waddy Resolved To Make A Schoolmaster Of Him. A

Meeting Was Held In The Drovers' Arms,  Numerous Speeches,  All Much More

Eloquently Expressive Of The Urgent Need Of Convenient Scholastic

Institutions Than The Orators Imagined,  Were Delivered By Representative

Men,  And A Resolution Embodying The Determination Of The Residents To

Erect A Substantial Building And Install Mr. J. Ham,  B.A.,  As Headmaster

Was Carried Unanimously.

 

The Original Contributors Were Not Expected To Donate Money Towards The

Good Cause; They Gave Labour And Material. The Work Of Erection Was

Commenced Next Day. Neither Plans Nor Specifications Were Supplied,  And

Every Contributor Was His Own Architect. Timber Of All Sorts And Shapes

Came In From Fifty Sources. The Men Of The Day Shift At The Mines Worked

At The Building In The Evening; Those On The Four-O'Clock Shift Put In an

Hour Or Two In The Morning,  And Mates Off The Night Shift Lent A Hand At

Any Time During The Day,  One Man Taking Up The Work Where The Other Left

Off. Consequently--And As There Was No Ruling Mind And No General

Design--The School When Finished Seemed To Lack Continuity,  So To Speak.

As An Architectural Effort It Displayed Evidence Of Many Excellent

Intentions,  But Could Not Be Called A Brilliant Success As A

Whole--Although One Astute Parliamentary Candidate Did Secure An

Overwhelming Majority Of Votes In Waddy After Declaring The Schoolhouse

To Be An Ornament To The Township. The Public-Spirited Persons Who

Contributed Windows,  It Was Tacitly Agreed,  Were Quite Justified In

Putting In Those Windows According To The Dictates Of Their Own Fancy,

Even If The Result Was Somewhat Bizarre. Jock Summers Gave A Bell Hung In

A Small Gilded Dome,  And This Was Fixed On The Roof Right In The Centre

Of The Building,  Mainly For Picturesque Effect; But As There Was No Rope

Attached And No Means Of Reaching The Bell--And It Never Occurred To

Anybody To Rectify The Deficiency--Jock'S Gift Remained To The End Merely

An Ornamental Adjunct. So Also With Sam Brierly'S Gothic Portico. Sam

Expended Much Time And Ingenuity In constructing The Portico,  And It Was

Built On To The Street End Of The Schoolhouse,  Although There Was No Door

There,  The Only Entrance Being At The Back.

 

The Building Was Opened With A Tea-Fight And A Dance,  And Answered Its

Purpose Very Well Up To The Time Of The First Heavy Rains; Then Studies

Had To Be Postponed Indefinitely,  For The Floor Was A Foot Under Water. A

Call Was Made Upon The United Strength Of The Township,  And The Building

Was Lifted Bodily And Set Down Again On Piles. When The Open Space

Between The Ground And The Floor Was Boarded Up,  The Residents Were

Delighted To Find That The Increased Height Had Given The Structure Quite

An Imposing Appearance. Alas! Before Six Months Had Passed The Place Was

Found To Be Going Over On One Side. Waddy Watched This Failing With

Growing Uneasiness. When The Collapse Seemed Inevitable,  The Male Adults

Were Again Bidden To An Onerous Public Duty; They Rolled Up Like

Patriots,  And With A Mighty Effort Pushed The School Up Into The

Perpendicular Propping It There With Stout Stays. That Answered

Excellently For A Time,  But Eventually The Wretched House Began To Slant

In The Opposite Direction. Once More The Men Of Waddy Attended In Force,

And Spent An Arduous Half-Day Hoisting It Into An Upright Position,  And

Securing It There With More Stays. It Took The Eccentric Building A Long

Time To Decide Upon Its Next Move; Then It Suddenly Lurched Forward A

Foot Or More,  And After That Slipped An Inch Or Two Farther Out Of Plumb

Every Day. But The Ingenuity Of Waddy Was Not Exhausted: A Few Hundred

Chapter 1 Pg 3

Feet Of Rope And A Winch Were Borrowed From The Peep O' Day; The Rope Was

Run Round The Schoolhouse,  And The Building Was Promptly Hauled Back Into

Shape And Fastened Down With Long Timbers Running From Its Sides To A

Convenient Red-Gum Stump At The Back. Thus It Remained For Many Years,

Bulging At The Sides,  Pitching Forward,  And Straining At Its Tethers Like

An Eager Hound In a Leash.

 

It Was Literally A Humming Hot Day At Waddy; The Pulsing Whirr Of

Invisible Locusts Filled The Whole Air With A Drowsy Hum,  And From The

Flat At The Back Of The Township,  Where A Few Thousand Ewes And Lambs

Were Shepherded Amongst The Quarry Holes,  Came Another Insistent Droning

In A Deeper Note,  Like The Murmur Of Distant Surf. No One Was Stirring:

To The Right And Left Along The Single Thin Wavering Line Of Unpainted

Weatherworn Wooden Houses Nothing Moved But Mirage Waters Flickering In

The Hollows Of The Ironstone Road. Equally Deserted Was The Wide Stretch

Of Brown Plain,  Dotted With Poppet Legs And Here And There A Whim,  Across

The Dull Expanse Of Which Waddy Seemed To Peer With Stupid Eyes.

 

From Within The School Were Heard Alternately,  With The Regularity Of A

Mill,  The Piping Of An Old Cracked Voice And The Brave Chanting Of A

Childish Chorus. Under The School,  Where The Light Was Dim And The Air

Was Decidedly Musty,  Two Small Boys Were Crouched,  Playing A Silent Game

Of 'Stag Knife.' Besides Being Dark And Evil-Smelling Under There,  It Was

Damp; Great Clammy Masses Of Cobweb Hung From The Joists And Spanned The

Spaces Between The Piles. The Place Was Haunted By Strange And Fearsome

Insects,  Too,  And The Moving Of The Classes Above Sent Showers Of Dust

Down Between The Cracks In The Worn Floor. But Those Boys Were Satisfied

That They Were Having A Perfectly Blissful Time,  And Were Serenely Happy

In Defiance Of Unpropitious Surroundings. They Were 'Playing The Wag,'

And To Be Playing The Wag Under Any Circumstances Is A Guarantee Of Pure

Felicity To The Average Healthy Boy.

 

Probably The Excessive Heat Had Suggested To Dick Haddon The Advisability

Of Spending The Afternoon Under The School Instead Of Within The Close

Crowded Room; At Any Rate He Suggested It To Jacker Mcknight,  Commonly

Known As Jacker Mack,  And Now After An Hour Of It The Boys Were Still

Jubilant. The Game Had To Be Played With Great Caution,  And Conversation

Was Conducted In Whispers When Ideas Could Not Be Conveyed In dumb Show.

All That Was Going On In The Room Above Was Distinctly Audible To The

Deserters Below,  And The Joy Of Camping There Out Of The Reach Of Joel

Ham,  B.A.,  And Beyond All The Trials And Tribulations Of The Higher

Fifth,  And Hearing Other Fellows Being Tested,  And Hectored,  And Caned,

Was Too Tremendous For Whisperings,  And Must Be Expressed In Wild

Rollings And Contortions And Convulsive Kicking.

 

'Parrot Cann,  Will You Kindly Favour Me With A Few Minutes On The Floor?'

 

It Was The Old Cracked Voice,  Flavoured With An Ominous Irony. Dick

Paused In The Middle Of A Throw With A Cocked Ear And Upturned Eyes;

Jacker Mack Grinned All Across His Broad Face And Winked Meaningly. They

Heard The Shuffling Of A Pair Of Heavily Shod Feet,  And Then The Voice

Chapter 1 Pg 4

Again.

 

'Parrot,  My Man,  You Are A Comedian By Instinct,  And Will Probably Live

To Be An Ornament To The Theatrical Profession; But It Is My Duty To

Repress Premature Manifestations Of Your Genius. Parrot,  Hold Out!

 

They Heard The Swish Of The Cane And The School Master'S Sarcastic

Comments Between The Strokes.

 

'Ah-H,  That Was A Beauty! Once More,  Parrot,  My Friend,  If You Please.

Excellent! Excellent! We Will Try Again. Practice Of This Kind Makes For

Perfection,  You Know,  Parrot. Good,  Good--Very Good! If You Should Be

Spoiled In The Making,  Parrot,  You Will Not In Your Old Age Ascribe It To

Any Paltry Desire On My Part To Spare The Rod,  Will You,  Parrot?'

 

'S'Help Me,  I Won'T,  Sir!

 

There Was Such A World Of Pathos In The Wail With Which Parrot Replied

That Dick Choked In His Efforts To Repress His Emotions. The Lads Heard

The Victim Blubbing,  And Pictured His Humorous Contortions After Every

Cut--For Parrot Was Weirdly And Wonderfully Gymnastic Under

Punishment--And Jacker Hugged Himself And Kicked Ecstatically,  And Young

Haddon Bowed His Forehead In The Dirt And Drummed With His Toes,  And Gave

Expression To His Exuberant Hilarity In Frantic Pantomime. The Rough And

Ready Schoolboy Is Very Near To The Beginnings; His Sense Of Humour Has

Not Been Impaired By Over-Refinement,  But Remains Somewhat Akin To That

Of The Gentle Savage; And Although His Disposition To Laugh At The

Misfortunes Of His Best Friends May Be Deplorable From Various Points Of

View,  It Has Not Been Without Its Influence In Fashioning Those Good Men

Who Put On A Brave Face In The Teeth Of Tribulation.

 

'Gee-Rusalem! Ain'T Jo Got A Thirst?' Whispered Dick When The Spasm Had

Passed.

 

'My Oath,  Ain'T He!' Replied Jacker,  'But He Was Drunk Up Afore Twelve.'

 

It Is Necessary To Explain Here That The School Committee,  In electing

Mr. Ham To The Position Of Schoolmaster,  Compelled Him To Sign A Formal

Agreement,  Drawn Up In Quaint Legal Gibberish,  In Which It Was Specified

That 'The Herein Afore-Mentioned Joel Ham,  B.A.,' Was To Be Limited To A

Certain Amount Of Alcoholic Refreshment Per Diem,  And Mcmahon,  At The

Drovers' Arms,  Bound Himself Over To Supply No More Than The Prescribed

Quantity; But It Was Understood That This Galling Restriction Did Not

Apply To Mr. Ham On Saturdays And Holidays.

 

The Noises Above Subsided Into The Usual School Drone,  And The Boys Under

The Floor Resumed Their Game. It Was An Extremely Interesting Game,

Closely Contested. Each Player Watched The Other'S Actions With An Alert

And Suspicious Eye,  And This Want Of Confidence Led Directly To The Boys'

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