My Only Son, Danee Riggs [readict .txt] 📗

Still, her chin stuck out as if she were ready to take whatever punishment was coming her way. “You have to be more careful, Tania,” Big Derek said, gently scolding her. “You could have been hurt tussling with these boys.” He left it at that, leaving the hard job for her parents. How could he be upset with someone that cared for his son so much? Even back then everyone could tell that her love for DJ ran deep. DJ knew it too but one day he realized that Tania was in fact in love with Nate. He never said, but when Big Derek finally figured it out, he could tell that his son was crushed.

Big Derek figured that Tania’s parents were probably worried sick that she and DJ may have at some point, had a sexual relationship. He didn’t know if she talked to her parents the way that DJ talked to him. Somewhere inside him, he wanted to let them know they had nothing to worry about but he was angry. This was still his son and they were acting as if they never cared for him! To hell with them, he thought. But on the outside he wore a smile for Tania’s sake.

She came in just as Big Derek was plodding through a second helping of homefries. Lynn hugged the girl as if she were grabbing onto a life raft in the middle of the ocean, and then admonished her for being so thin. “You should eat,” she said to Tania serving up a heaping plate of food. ”Momma Harris, I really couldn’t…” Tania stopped short when she looked into Lynn’s pleading eyes. They welled with tears as did Tania’s and she looked away relenting, “sure, I’ll have a little." Big Derek never looked up from his plate. He knew how this would go. Tania would stay for awhile like she had every day since DJ came home. She and Lynn would chat about school and her family until one of them would reference DJ. A simple, “DJ laughed at that all the time,” or “Yeah, DJ would say that too,” was all it took. They would realize that they were speaking of him as if he were dead instead of in a pneumonia induced coma. One would start crying and then the other. Then Tania would leave.

And so it went. And as usual, Big Derek felt like he could do nothing to comfort the only other two people in the world who seemed to care for his son. In all the days that Tania came by, she never did make it all the way up to DJ’s room. But at least she visited which is more than he could say about the rest of their so-called friends.

For Lynn, the least he could do was to eat and though he had no appetite again that morning, he tried to get down as much as he could. Now as he sat in the dark, fingers soaked through trying to hold back his tears, he could feel his stomach getting ready to stage a revolt. Thank goodness it was only one meal a day thus far. As great a cook as she was, he thought his stomach would erupt if Lynn started making three meals a day again. He apologized silently to his wife.

He was so lost in his thoughts and the sound of his son’s breathing that Big Derek nearly jumped out of his skin when the bedroom door creaked. Apparently, he scared her too because Tania jumped back when she saw him jump. He quickly wiped his face, though it was too dark in the room for her to see him crying. “I’m sorry Big D,” Tania whispered. “Momma Harris said to come over whenever I wanted and I couldn’t sleep. I just had to see him." Big Derek’s heart broke for the pain he heard in her voice. “It’s ok sweetheart. Come on in.” He tried to keep his voice down but it was hard to muffle his rich baritone as it bounced smoothly through the quiet room. “I was just heading back to my room. Here." He handed her the extra blanket that was folded at the foot of DJ’s bed. “Big Derek?” Her voice was barely a whisper. “I hope you’re not too angry with my parents. They’re scared that’s all. I keep trying to tell them that you can’t catch what DJ has, if that’s what has them worried. It isn’t spread through touching or even kissing. I’ve been reading up on his,” she paused, “his illness." He could hear the dry click in her throat as she spoke. “They’re so worried about him; Nate is too but they’re all just scared.” She lowered her head as she spoke the next words, “I was scared too but it’s more than that. I feel so helpless. I love DJ more than life…” She choked back sobs and Big Derek hugged her to him. He knew exactly what she meant. He would readily fight or give his life if that’s what it would take to save his son. “Don’t worry, T. I know it and DJ knows it. Don’t you worry.” She let go and looked up at him. He stood in the moonlight that was creeping around the edge of the curtains. There was no way to hide his watery eyes now. He smiled. “You go on in now. I’ll call your parents and let them know that you’re here.” Big Derek stood in the door a moment longer. It was just long enough to see Tania bypass the chair and ever so gently, as if touching him would break him, climb in the bed next to DJ and close her eyes.

Big Derek stretched when he awoke the next morning. He felt limber and clear headed. He hadn’t slept this well in weeks and though he was grateful that the groggy, hang-over-even-though-you-haven’t-had-a-single-thing-to-drink feeling was gone, the feeling of guilt quickly returned. It just didn’t feel right to be so rejuvenated while his son lay sick in the next room.

Lynn was already up, most likely in DJ’s room so he didn’t get out of bed right away. His mind went back to last night’s call to Tania’s parents. As he dialed the number to let them know that she was ok, subconsciously, he squared his shoulders. He'd made this same call many times over the years. He was still angry but saddened too because this time, it felt as if he were readying himself for a blowout. Shawn and Deborah Johnson were the first couple that he and Lynn met in their neighborhood, twenty-one years ago. Actually, he met Shawn in the local AM-PM in the wee hours of the morning after he and Lynn moved in. Lynn and Deborah were both pregnant and craving butter pecan ice cream. Of course there was only one half-gallon container left in the whole store. It was one of the few times in his life that Big Derek’s often imposing size proved to be of no use to him. Shawn, a slim five feet, nine inches, grabbed the container just as Big Derek was reaching for it. He looked up to see Big Derek’s shoulders set, standing erect to accentuate his full height. Shawn didn’t balk or back down. “Sorry, my man but I gotta take this ice cream back to my wife. She’s very pregnant and we do not have a doghouse.” Big Derek couldn’t help but laugh. Hell, he knew that feeling all too well. After briefly introducing himself as a new neighbor who lived a few houses away and whose wife was also “very pregnant”, Big Derek didn’t have to say much more to persuade Shawn to split the ice cream. “I’ll assume that you guys don’t have a dog house either, especially one large enough for you to fit in,” Shawn joked. In the short time it took for them to walk back to the Johnson’s house, they had discussed occupations, due dates, favorite teams, pregnancy joys- and woes. Their friendship was set and quickly grew to include their wives and later, their children. Big Derek could certainly understand their fear, as Tania described it and even gave the thought some validity himself. There were so many misconceptions about HIV and AIDS that even he and Lynn had to wade through the fear to find out the truths. Still, he thought of Tania like the daughter he never had and he thought the Johnsons felt the same about DJ. He knew that there was nothing that would keep him and Lynn away from their side if something were to happen to Tania. Maybe he was wrong about them.

When Shawn answered his tone was grim, “Yeah?” Big Derek said, “look man, I wanted to let you know that…” His words were cut short by the sound of crying in the background. “Is that Deb?” he asked. Shawn took a deep breath. “We know that Tania is there, Big D. And yeah, that’s Deb. We’ve been um, meaning to stop by, at least call but Deb has been pretty um, on and off lately." Something in the way Shawn spoke sounded oddly familiar to Big Derek. At first he couldn’t figure it out. Shawn continued to speak and it suddenly hit him. It was weird how someone’s voice could be so full of emotion and sound so hollow at the same time. It was the sound of someone overexerted, frustrated and pained. Except for the brief sentences that he exchanged with his wife, he hadn’t really heard his own voice in awhile. But Shawn sounded exactly like he felt. Big Derek’s shoulders slumped. The fight in him was gone. “Tania is fine, Shawn. We wouldn’t knowingly let anything hurt her. You know that right?” Shawn answered, “Yeah man, I, I mean we know that. Deb will say that we should come by but before we can get out the door, she breaks down. When she gets herself together again, she and Tania fight about the fact that we haven’t been over and then she says that we should stay away to keep from upsetting you guys more than you already are.” Big Derek had no idea what was going on their house until now, but he should have known better. Shawn and Deb had always treated DJ like their own and the absence of their physical presence should not have outweighed what he knew to be true. “I understand, Shawn. Please tell Deb that we are keeping you guys in our prayers. Get some rest, my man.”

He lay listening to voices drift up the stairs and realized that the weight of anger, coupled with the weight of worry and despair was crushing. He was relieved to let at least one of them go. Wait, were there more than just Lynn and Tania’s voices he was hearing? Yes! At least one of them was male. His heartbeat pounded so loud in his ears that he couldn’t make out who the voice belonged to. He jumped out of bed, naked except for his underwear and rushed into DJ’s room. What he saw made his stomach flop so loud that he would swear it was audible. For a moment, he thought he would be sick and all of Lynn’s efforts would come propelling from him like so many home-fried projectile. After a few seconds he was able to resist the desire to vomit. He stood in the doorway as DJ lay in his bed. Tears of frustration welled up in his eyes. It was getting to be too much to hope. Hope that his son would live despite the doctors saying that there was nothing they could do for him. Hope that it was his son’s voice drifting up to him from downstairs inviting him back to happier times, at the same time calming