The Princess Passes Volume 56, Alice Muriel Williamson, Charles Norris Williamson [primary phonics txt] 📗
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Mr. Winston's Car. He Has A New One--The Latest Make. He Tells Me That
When He 'Lets Her Out' She Does Seventy An Hour."
"Wot--Miles, Me Lord?" Locker Almost Dropped The Coat Of Which He Had
Disencumbered Me.
"Kilometres. It's The Speed Of A Good Quick Train."
Chapter 2 (Mercédès To The Rescue) Pg 10
It Was Strange; But Until The Night Of That Hateful Dinner At The
Carlton, I Had Never Been In A Motor Car. Half My Friends Had Them, Or
Meant To Have Them; But In A Kind Of Lofty Obstinacy I Had Refused To
Be A "Tooled Down" To Brighton Or Elsewhere. Fancying Myself
Considerably As A Whip, And Being An Enthusiastic Lover Of Horses, I
Had Taken Up An Attitude Of Hostility To Their Mechanical Rivals, And
Chuckled With Malice Whenever I Saw In The Papers That Any
Acquaintance Had Been Hauled Up For Going Beyond The "Legal Limit."
But On The Night Of The Carlton Dinner, When Molly Winston Whirled Me
From Pall Mall To Park Lane, That Part Of Me Which Was Not Frozen By
The Grocer (The Part The Psychologists Call The "Unconscious Secondary
Self") Told Me That I Was Having Another Startling Experience Apart
From Being Jilted.
Winston Is My Oldest Friend, And When His Letters Were Mere Pæans In
Praise Of Automobilism, I Looked Upon His Fad With Compassionate
Indulgence. Then We Met In London After His Marriage, And Between The
Confidences Which We Had Exchanged, He Managed To Sandwich In
Something About Motor Cars. But I Ruthlessly Swept Aside The
Interpolation As Unworthy Of Notice. When He Suggested A Drive In The
New Car, I Called Up All My Tact To Evade The Invitation. If The
Active Part Of Me Had Not Been Stunned On The Night When Helen Threw
Me Over, I Believe I Should Have Kept Bright The Jewel Of Consistency.
But The Kindness Of Molly In Circumstances The Opposite Of Kind, Had
Undone Me. Here I Was, Pledged To Get Myself Up Like A Figure Of Fun,
And Sit Glued For Days To The Seat Of A Noisy, Jolting, Ill-Smelling
Machine Which I Hated, Feeling (And Looking), In My Goggles And Hairy
Coat, Like A Circus Monkey Or A Circus Dragon.
Nevertheless, I Could Confess The Motor Car To My Man With Comparative
Calmness. That I Should Fall Was No Doubt A Disappointment To Him. As
A Conscientious Snob And A Cherisher Of Conservative Ideals, He Could
Mention It To Other Valets Without A Blush. The Mules However, Towards
Which The Motor Was To Lead, Was A Different Thing; And While Poor
Locker Excavated Me From The Motor Coat, My Mind Was Busily Devising
Means To Keep The Horrid Secret Of The Mule Hidden From Him Forever.
There Was But One Way To Do This.
"I Suppose, Me Lord, I'm To Travel With The 'Eavy Luggage, And Take
Rooms At The End Of The Journey," He Suggested.
The Crucial Moment Had Come. If A Man Can Support Existence Without
The Girl He Loves, Thought I, Surely It Must Be Possible For Him To
Live Without A Valet. "No, Locker," I Said Firmly. "I Am To Be Mr. And
Mrs. Winston's Guest, And We--Er--Shall Have No Fixed Destination. I
Shall Be Obliged To Leave You Behind."
"Very Good, Me Lord," Returned Locker In A Meek Voice. "Very Good, Me
Lord; _Has_ You Will. I Do 'Ope You Won't Suffer From Dust, With No
One To Keep You In Proper Repair, As You Might Say. But No Doubt It
Chapter 2 (Mercédès To The Rescue) Pg 11Will Be Only For A Short Time."
Knowing That Days, Weeks, And Even Months Might Pass While I Consorted
With Motors And Mules, Far From Valets And Civilisation, I Was
Nevertheless Toward Enough To Hint That Locker Must Be Prepared For A
Wire At Any Time. I Had Often Derived A Quaint Pleasure From The
Consciousness That He Despised My Bookish Habits And Certain
Unconventionalities Not Suited To A 'Hearl'; But One Must Draw The
Line Somewhere, And I Drew It At The Mule. I Would Give A Good Deal
Rather Than Locker Should Suspect Me Of The Mule.
It Was Arranged That We Should Leave From Jack's House In Park Lane,
And As We Wanted To Reach Southampton Early, Our Start Was To Be At
Nine O'clock. "In France," Jack Had Said To Me, "We Could Reel Off The
Distance Almost As Quickly As The Train; But In Our Blessed Land, With
Its Twenty Miles An Hour Speed Limit, Its Narrow Winding Roads,
Chiefly Used In Country Places As Children's Playgrounds, And Its
Police Traps, Motoring Isn't The Undiluted Joy It Ought To Be. The
Thing To Prepare For Is The Unexpected."
At Half-Past Eight At Jack's Door, I Bade An Almost Affectionate
Farewell To The Last Cabhorse With Which For Many Wild Weeks I Should
Have Business Dealings. The Untrammelled Life Before Me Seemed To Be
Signalised By The Lonely Suit Case Which Was The One Article Of
Luggage I Was Allowed To Carry On The Motor. A Portmanteau Was To
Follow Me Vaguely About The Continent, And I Had Visions Of A Pack To
Supersede The Suit Case, When My Means Of Transport Should Be A Mule.
Sufficient For The Motor Was The Luggage Thereof, However, And When My
Neat Leather Case Was Deposited In Jack's Hall, I Was Rewarded With
Molly's Approving Comment That It Would "Make A Lovely Footstool."
We Had Breakfast Together, As Though Nothing Dreadful Were About To
Happen, And I Heartened Myself Up With Strong Coffee. By The Time We
Had Finished, And Molly Had Changed Herself From A Radiant Girl Into A
Cream-Coloured Mushroom, With A Thick, Straight, Pale-Brown Stem, The
Thing Was At The Door--Molly's Idol, The New Goddess, With Its Votive
Priest Pouring Incense Out Of A Long-Nosed Oil Can And Waving A
Polishing Rag For Some Other Mystic Rite.
This Servant Of The Car Answered To The Name Of Gotteland, And Having
Learned From Jack That He Had Started Life As A Jockey In Hungary, I
Thought Evil Of Him For Abandoning The Horse For The Machine. He
Evidently Belonged To That Mysterious Race Of Beings Called Suddenly
Into Existence By A Vast New Industry; Mysterious, Because How Or Why
A Man Drifts Or Jumps Into The Occupation Of Chauffeur Is Never
Explained To Those Who See Only The Finished Article. Jack Praised Him
As A Model Of Chauffeury Accomplishments, Among Which Were A Knowledge
Of Seventeen Languages More Or Less, To Say Nothing Of Dialects, And A
Temper Warranted To Stand A Burst Tyre, A Disordered Silencer, An
Uncertain Ignition, And (Incidentally) A Broken Heart--All Occurring
At The Same Time. Despite These Alleged Perfections, I Distrusted The
Cosmopolitan Apostate On Principle, And Was About To Turn Upon His
Leather-Clad Form A Disapproving Gaze, When I Dimly Realised That It
Chapter 2 (Mercédès To The Rescue) Pg 12Would Be A Case Of The Pot Calling The Kettle Black. Instead, I Smiled
Hypocritically As We "Took A Look" At The Car Before Lending It Our
Lives.
"I Hope The Brute Isn't Vicious; Doesn't Blow Up Or Explode, Or Shed
Its Safety Valve, Or Anything," I Remarked With A Facetiousness Which
In The Circumstances Did Me Credit.
Gotteland Answered With The Pitying Air Of The Professional For The
Amateur. "The _One_ Thing An Automobile Can't Do, Sir, Is To Blow Up."
I Was Glad To Hear This, In Spite Of The Strong Coffee Lately
Swallowed, But On The Other Hand There Were Doubtless A Great Many
Other Equally Disagreeable Things Which It Could Do. Of Course, If It
Were Satisfied With Merely Killing Me, Neatly And Thoroughly, I Still
Felt That I Should Not Mind; Indeed, Would Be Rather Grateful Than
Otherwise. But There Were Objections, Even For A Jilted Lover, To
Being Smeared Along The Ground, And Picked Up, Perhaps, Without A
Nose, Or The Proper Complement Of Legs, Or Vertebræ.
"Anyhow, The Beast Has A Certain Meretricious Beauty," I Admitted.
"Those Red Cushions And All That Bright Metal Work Give An Effect Of
Luxury."
Gotteland Revenged His Idol With Another Smile. "Amateurs _Do_ Notice
Such Things, Sir," Said He. "Professionals Don't Care Much About The
Body; It's The Motor That Interests Them." He Lifted A Sort Of Lattice
Which Muzzled The Dragon's Mouth, Disclosing Some Bulbous Cylinders
And A Tangle Of Pipes And Wires. "It's The _Dernier Cri_. That Engine
Will Work As Long As There's A Drop Of Essence In The Carburetter,
And Will Carry You At Forty Miles An Hour, Without Feeling A Hill
Which Would Set Many Cars Groaning And Puffing. It Will Do The Work Of
Twenty Horses, And More----"
"Yet I Shouldn't Be _Really_ Surprised If One Horse Had To Tow It Some
Day," I Murmured More To Myself Than To Him, But Molly Heard Me,
Through Her Mushroom.
"You'll Soon Apologise To Mercédès For Your Doubts Of Her, For Motors
Are Their Own Missionaries," She Said, Her Eyes Laughing Through A
Triangular Talc Window. "You Will Have Learned To Love Her Before You
Know What Has Happened, Just As You Would The Real Mercédès, If You
Could See Her."
Curious, I Thought, That Molly, Knowing My State Of Mind, Should Be
Constantly Weaving Into Our Conversation Some Allusion To The Namesake
And Giver Of Her Car. I Had Never In My Life Been Less Interested In
The Subject Of Extraneous Girls, And With All Molly's Tact, It Seemed
Strange That She Should Not Recognise This. However, She Did Not
Appear To Expect An Answer, And We Were Soon Settled In The Car,
Molly, As I Have Said, Looking Like A Graceful Fungus Growth, Jack And
I Like Haggard Goblins.
Chapter 2 (Mercédès To The Rescue) Pg 13
Molly
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