Records Of A Girlhood Volume 1 (1 Of 2), Frances Ann Kemble [i can read book club .txt] 📗
- Author: Frances Ann Kemble
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It Is The Failure Of Some Plan Of Hers Which Obliges Her To Do
This. I Have The Loves Of All To Give You, And They Are All Very
Troublesome, Crying, "Give Mine Separately," "Don't Lump Mine;" So
Please Take Them Each Separately And Singly. I Have Been Sobbing My
Heart Out Over Constance This Morning, And Act Fazio To-Night,
Which Is Hard Work.
Volume 1 Chapter 20 Pg 145
Your Affectionate
F.
GREAT RUSSELL STREET, Saturday, March 19th.
DEAR H----,
You Ask If Mr. Trench's Account Of Their Spanish Escapade Is Likely
To Soften My Father's View Of The Folly Of The Expedition. I Think
Not, By Any Means--As How Should It? But The Yesterday Papers
Reported A Successful Attack Upon Cadiz And The Proclamation Of
Torrijos General-In-Chief By The Constitutionalists, Who Were
Rising All Over The Country. This Has Been Again Contradicted
To-Day, And May Have Been A Mere Stock-Jobbing Story, After All. If
It Be True, However, The Results May Be Of Serious Importance To My
Brother. Should The Constitutionalists Get The Upper Hand, His
Adherence To Torrijos May Place Him In A Prominent Position, I Am
Afraid; Perhaps, However, Though Success May Not Alter My Father's
Opinion Of The Original Folly Of John's Undertaking, It May In Some
Measure Reconcile Him To It. I Suppose It Is Not Impossible Now
That John Should Become An Officer In The Spanish Army, And That
After So Many Various And Contradictory Plans His Career May
Finally Be That Of A Soldier. How Strange And Sad It All Seems To
Me, To Be Sure!
You Say It's A Horrid Thing One Can't "Try On One's Body" And
Choose Such A One As Would Suit One; But Do You Consider Your Body
Accidental, As It Were, Or Do You Really Think We Could Do Better
For Ourselves Than Has Been Done For Us In This Matter? After All,
Our Souls Get Used To Our Bodies, And In Some Fashion Alter And
Shape Them To Fit; Then You Know If We Had Different Bodies We
Should Be Different People And Not Our _Same Selves_ At All; If I
Had Been Tall, As I Confess I In My Heart Of Hearts Wish I Were,
What Another Moral Creature Should I Have Been.
You Urge Me To Work, Dear H----, And Study My Profession, And Were
I To Say I Hate It, You Would Retort, "You Do It, Therefore Take
Pains To Do It Well." And So I Do, As Well As I Can; I Have Been
Studying Constance With My Father, And Rubbed Off Some Of The Rough
Edges Of It A Little.
I Am Sorry To Say I Shall Not Have A Good Benefit; Unluckily, The
Second Reading Of The Reform Bill Comes On To-Morrow (To-Night, By
The Bye, For It Is Monday), And There Will Be As Many People In The
House Of Commons As In _My_ House, And Many More In Parliament
Street Than In Either; It Is Unfortunate For Me, But Cannot Be
Helped. I Was Going To Say, Pray For Me, But I Forgot That You Will
Not Get This Till "It Is Bedtime, Hal, And All Is Well." The
Publication Of My Play Is Not To Take Place Till After This Reform
Fever Has A Little Abated.
Dear H----, This Is Wednesday, The 23rd; Monday And King John And
Volume 1 Chapter 20 Pg 146My Constance Are All Over; But I Am At This Moment Still So _Deaf
With Nervousness_ As Not To Hear The Ticking Of My Watch When Held
To One Of My Ears; The Other Side Of My Head Is Not Deaf Any Longer
_Now_; But On Monday Night I Hardly Heard One Word I Uttered
Through The Whole Play. It Is Rather Hard That Having Endeavored
(And Succeeded Wonderfully, Too) In Possessing My Soul In Peace
During That Trial Of My Courage, My Nervous System Should Give Way
In This Fashion. I Had A Knife Of Pain Sticking In My Side All
Through The Play And All Day Long, Monday; As I Did Not Hear Myself
Speak, I Cannot Tell You Anything Of My Performance. My Dress Was
Of The Finest Pale-Blue Merino, All Folds And Drapery Like My
Grecian Daughter Costume, With An Immense Crimson Mantle Hung On My
Shoulders Which I Could Hardly Carry. My Head-Dress Was Exactly
Copied From One Of My Aunt's, And You Cannot Imagine How Curiously
Like Her I Looked. My Mother Says, "You Have Done It Better Than I
Believe Any Other Girl Of Your Age Would Do It." But Of Course That
Is Not A Representation Of Constance To Satisfy Her, Or Any One
Else, Indeed. You Know, Dear H----, What My Own Feeling Has Been
About This, And How Utterly Incapable I Knew Myself For Such An
Undertaking; But You Did Not, Nor Could Any One, Know How
Dreadfully I Suffered From The Apprehension Of Failure Which My
Reason Told Me Was Well Founded. I Assure You That When I Came On
The Stage I Felt Like Some Hunted Creature Driven To Bay; I Was
Really Half Wild With Terror. The Play Went Off Admirably, But I
Lay, When My Part Was Over, For An Hour On My Dressing-Room Floor,
With Only Strength Enough Left To Cry. Your Letter To A---- Revived
Me, And Just Brought Me Enough To Life Again To Eat My Supper,
Which I Had Not Felt Able To Touch, In Spite Of My Exhaustion And
Great Need Of It; When, However, I Once Began, My Appetite
Justified The French Proverb And Took The Turn Of Voracity, And I
Devoured Like A Homeric Hero. I Promised To Tell You Something Of
Our Late Dinner At Lord Melbourne's, But Have Left Myself Neither
Space Nor Time. It Was Very Pleasant, And I Fell Out Of My Love For
Our Host (Who, Moreover, Is Absorbed By Mrs. Norton) And Into
Another Love With Lord O----, Lord T----'S Son, Who Is One Of The
Most Beautiful Creatures Of The Male Sex I Ever Saw; Unluckily, He
Does Not Fulfill The Necessary Conditions Of Your Theory, And Is
Neither As Old Nor As Decrepit As You Have Settled The Nobleman I
Am To Marry Is To Be; So He Won't Do.
We Are Going To A Party At Devonshire House To-Night. Here I Am
Called Away To Receive Some Visitors. Pray Write Soon To Your
Affectionate
FANNY.
To-Morrow I Act Constance, And Saturday Isabella, Which Is All I
Know For The Present Of The Future. I Have Just Bought A---- A
Beautiful Guitar; I Promised Her One As Soon As My Play Was Out. My
Room Is Delicious With Violets, And My New Blue Velvet Gown
Heavenly In Color And All Other Respects Except The--Well,
_Un_Heavenly Price Dévy Makes Me Pay For It.
Volume 1 Chapter 20 Pg 147
GREAT RUSSELL STREET, April 2, 1831.
DEAR H----,
I Am Truly Sorry For M----'S Illness, Just At The Height Of All Her
Gay Season Gayeties, Too; It Is Too Provoking To Have One's Tackle
Out Of Order And Lie On The Beach With Such A Summer Sea Sparkling
Before One. I Congratulate L---- On Her Father's Relenting And
Canceling His Edict Against Waltzing And Galloping. And Yet, I Am
Always _Rather_ Sorry When A Determination Of That Sort, Firmly
Expressed, Is Departed From. Of Course Our Views And Opinions, Not
Being Infallible, Are Liable To Change, And May Not Unreasonably Be
Altered Or Weakened By Circumstances And The More Enlightened
Convictions Of Improved Powers And Enlarged Experience, But It Is
As Well, Therefore, For Our Own Sakes, Not To Promulgate Them As If
They Were Persian Decrees. One Can Step Gracefully Down From A
Lesser Height, Where One Would Fall From A Greater. But With Young
People Generally, I Think, To Retreat From A Position You Have
Assumed Is To Run The Risk Of Losing Some Of Their Consideration
And Respect; For They Have Neither Consciousness Of Their Own
Frailty, Nor Charity For The Frailty Of Others, Nor The Wisdom To
Perceive That A Resolution May Be Better Broken Than Kept; And
Though Perhaps Themselves Gaining Some Desired End By The Yielding
Of Their Elders, I Believe Any Indulgence So Granted (That Is,
After Being Emphatically Denied) Never Fails To Leave On The
Youthful Mind An Impression Of Want Of Judgment Or Determination In
Those They Have To Do With.
We Dine With The Fitzhughs On Tuesday Week; I Like Emily Much,
Though She Will Talk Of Human Souls As "Vile;" I Gave Her Channing
To Read, And She Liked It Very Much, But Said That His View Of
Man's Nature Was Not That Of A Christian; I Think Her Contempt For
It Still Less Such. As We Are Immortal In Spite Of Death, So I
Think We Are Wonderful In Spite Of Our Weakness, And Admirable In
Spite Of Our Imperfection, And Capable Of All Good In Spite Of All
Our Evil.
A----'S Guitar Is A Beauty, And Wears A Broad Blue Scarf And Has A
Sweet, Low, Soft Voice. Mr. Pickersgill Is Going To Paint My
Portrait; It Is A Present Major Dawkins Makes My Father And Mother,
But I Do Wish They Would Leave Off Trying To Take My Picture. My
Face Is Too Bad For Anything But Nature, And Never Was Intended For
_Still_ Life. The Intention, However, Is Very Kind, And The Offer
One That Can Scarcely Be Refused. I Wish You Would Come And Keep Me
Awake Through My Sittings.
Our Engagements--Social And Professional--Are A Dinner Party At
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