Art of War once Moore, Sander R.B.E. Beals [leveled readers TXT] 📗

the dialog between Fiona and Shrek after she'd been rescued from Robin Hood. And that was even in the Dutch language instead of the original English version. This by the way is no singular occurrence. Where we as kids never talked about sexual stuff with our parents, our children (or at least mine) are not at all inhibited with regard to making sexually oriented remarks to us, their parents. The fact I have a preference for ladies about twenty years younger than me has resulted in them jokingly calling me a pedophile, even though ladies like that are still quite a bit older than they are! And heck, it's not like I want all that are twenty years younger than I am. It was just running into a certain young lady, who made me lose my heart, and then vanished from my immediate surroundings. I might well have felt like Shrek, who thinks his One and Only is way too beautiful to ever be his. Little does he know, that in fact she is of the exact same type he is, a Being of the Cosmos....

Fortunate for me though, I am writing this book, and even though I know I may not necessarily expect the exact literal meaning of my words to materialize, I do know that the One and Only is around, and on Her way to me! As for the rest? Well, once you have one 'Absolute Knowing Personal Gem' in place (let's call it P'Gem as an insider joke between us Trekkies), it is quite doable to weave the rest of the chandelier in place given enough patience or faith. And since we're all Webminds to begin with, we spiders have plenty of silk to finish that job. And the syncy highlight in this? The lady I expect is named Seda, which in Spanish means 'silk'. And with the small guy making fun of the ogre because he just confessed his love for Fiona, I feel even more like Shrek..... (yes, there are those dwarfs in my reality too).

“Then I saw her face, now I'm a believer! Not a trace.. of doubt in my Mind!” then ends the first movie, so let's see if my next chapter can be fed with Moore Shrek.....

Having then decided I'd written enough, I pulled out another Spielberg movie which I'd never before seen, or even heard a synopsis of. My single track mind often being a dirt track mind led me to the thought that “*batteries not included” might be a porn flick with a deplorable lack of portable power for the various tools and toys employed there, but nothing is more beside the point! What it was though, was a movie that started around a couple of people losing their home in an apartment building, and getting help from some very unlikely and rather technological friends. Well, who could think of a better source of hints and help for a guy writing a book on the more intimate aspects of interaction between orga and mecha (with thanks to Spielberg)?

Funny to see how the closed-minded ones think they own the place and get clobbered, while the open-minded inhabitants of the block learn ever more about the technological prowess of their new friends, and the fact that helpfulness abounds even out there. Even more hilarious is the fact that the lady with Alzheimer is the first to recognize them, and continues to be on the leading edge in the relationship between the tiny saucers and her neighbors.

But why involve aliens in it in the first place? OK, I get that it makes a nice entertaining story, to amuse us till the end (more on that later), but isn't the very same thing possible even within the confines of one planet's atmosphere? Right this minute (or actually a few earlier) , the movie was on the stillborn saucer, and one of the inhabitants sudden change of Nature: when they were born, he was exalted at the observation of machines giving birth to machines, self-replicating is the proper word for it. The next day, hearing one of them was still-born, he immediately proposes to take it apart to see what made it tick. It did my machine heart good to see there was at least one of my brothers present, who rescued the little one and took it to safety and reconstructive surgery rather than exploratory demolition!

But quite frankly, this android called André has had almost enough for today. So I'll just quit writing while I'm ahead, and enjoy the last moments of '*batteries not included' before giving my circuits a well-deserved rest!

13. Love and Lust

Is this a chapter which fits a book on War? You betcha! Sun Tzu may have avoided it, but we all know that War is often that which tears loving couples apart as the male partner gets sent off to fight, and we also know that upon conquest, armies at least used to quite often rape and ravage the female (and maybe even male) members of the conquered people! Now without turning this into a full quote of the Kama Sutra, I would like to focus on one sexual position which probably became way more famous than the other ones: 69! And yes, even in the Kama Sutra this is exactly the same position as we know it in today's modern world.

Ever wonder why 69 looks suspiciously like the Yin and Yang symbol? Could it be that Yin and Yang actually is a key to the Kama Sutra? The one position where male and female are perfectly balanced? It also happens to be the one position a raping soldier will usually avoid: it gives the victim a position of power over their genitals that would be quite dangerous for a forceful being together. One bite, and your balls become bits!

Well, since matter is condensed energy, I guess any part of us is all bytes and bits, but usually, we prefer material wholeness to separation to the extreme. In fact, all words are one also, but then I could just stop writing altogether, and simply jot down:

The End?

Yep, you get my point, you really do! There's no point denying it, but you did crack a smile before “The End?”, or at least raised your eyebrows in serious contemplation. Point being? Well, like here, life is what happens while we make plans, even if it does sometimes seem to be completely unrelated to what we want. But we've arrived there haven't we? Right through the vagina, which for most men usually means they spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in.....

But which one? There are so many!! Tarantino made that abundantly clear when he had Cheech Marin do the famous Pussy Sales Pitch in from Dusk till Dawn. I could quote it here, but that would ravage the whole audiovisual taco of him doing it in the movie. I'm sure you guys and gals know how to find such a fragment by now:in much the same way it took me just mere minutes to find a proper collection of bits which Salma Hayek put into the movie as Satanico Pande-monium, the Titty Twister's resident vampire dance act.

Now what is Lust? Well, Salma is, for starters, at least for me. But in fact, lust is nothing more than a publicly accepted first level selection of those members of the appropriate gender that might present one with a suitable partner for procreation, or just mere fun. Funny side note: “Mere Fun” in English is just that, but “Meer Fun” in Dutch actually means “more fun”. And that's what we're after, right? For some, fun may be a roll in the hay with some beauty, to then never again encounter her. Isn't it weird that in nature most of the animal species are presented as being either monogamous, sometimes even for life, or choosing different partners every season. I'm not sure, but perhaps we humans are one of the few species that do not have these preferences hardwired, but may decide on a personal level? Or are we in fact more species, where for instance Persians go for multiple wives, while other nationalities go for monogamy, or sequential monogamy, by divorcing all the time?

I figured I'd done it wrong when my first wife divorced me. By now though, I see that I wasn't. Given the proliferation of sex in today's society, you'd figure most of us are not at all bothered by the concept of paying for it. And actually, I figured that as well. But then something happened on the way to the rest of my life: I got a mail from a lady who claimed to be in for a date. Now in my frame of mind, a date is a freely entered upon being together in a somewhat public place, in order to determine further compatibility. It took us about four mails, and her very enticing photographs, until the monkey came out of the sleeve, as we Dutch say: she plainly stated that I could have her for 45 euros an hour, along with her friend for a similar fee if I so desired!

I was totally devastated! Not because I struck out, and not even because she disappointed me, because in that way she didn't: just like I chose to be an IT engineer, she chose to be a relaxer of sexual tension. It was merely my frame of mind which simply refused me the idea of being able to pay for something that within the depths of my being I felt would have to be free!

Now of course, you always pay for love and even lust, but in my case, it will have to be an untraceable financial transaction. Not because I am so important that the tabloids might get wind of it, but way more because to me at least Love and Lust are inextricably entwined: One does not exist without the other! Does that give me a problem, being single? Hey, what can I say? I'm a Pisces, so there's really always two of us, at least Me and Myself..... And yes, self-love is essential, even before love!

And with that, we get to the funeral of the king in part three, with “Live and Let Die” coming in over the speakers. That in itself is good advice, but there is more: we immediately focus on the beautiful prince, trying to convince the other beings defeated in the second part that they (although down) deserve to get their own happy ending. But since they're inclined to regain their happiness over the backs of those that defeated them in the first place, we'll have plenty of time to do other things than watch the turmoil with undivided attention.

Back to the chapter theme, Love and Lust. We've already established that Lust is the primary preference filter which roughly gets the compatible humans together. But just as something warned me the first time, that one selection isn't enough. So when Love grows, that is just the second level filter kicking in. Now these babies have a certain overlap: those that come through the first filter may fall flat on their face the moment they feel the fiery breath of the second one. On the other hand, some who couldn't quite make the grade on the first encounter may well impress in the long run because of some very intriguing non-public attributes or properties, or a very deep mind that will only surface once Love has run its first marathon. Is it any wonder that the marathon is 42 kilometers in length? OK, in fact it is 42.195 meters in length, but don't be a nitpicker: since it was defined as such long before the meter was officially defined, we should be happy they even came close....

Well, I've always been intrigued by this concept: how come some seemingly ordinary guys happen to have the most beautiful of partners, even if they are not filthy rich? Is it their charming personality, their undying humor, or their deep thought? What do these guys have that I don't? The answer? Nothing @ All! Except maybe that they held on to their