Hidden eyes, Jess M.E.D [nonfiction book recommendations .TXT] 📗

Part 1

My Beginning of kind of happy life

Hi my name is Rose, I have brown hair, blue eyes, and I’m like a drop from heaven, but that all about to change to sin let me tell you why. I grow up happy, then again also grow up confuse but I guess that life and sometime people go through confusion. Well let just say it going to get worse when I get older. When I was six year old my real dad die, losing my father was most hardest thing in my life, I felt like he left before my eyes but then I thought he die in pain, you may be wounding what do I mean by pain? Well he dead with his eyes open, I thought when people die with their eyes open that means they die with pain. Then again you may ask me why I think that way about him. And what did he do? I will tell you why. One night my mom and dad were fighting, he told my mom he was taking meth and he want to suicide himself. For me being six year old and knowing this, felt like it was my fault and I wanting to blame myself for some reason. He would sometime come home drunk, he would break stuff and throw stuff across the hall he also hit the walls and leave holes all over the living room. Then he would yell at my mom; he would cuss out my mom but never laid his hands on her, I would know that because I would standing in my dark room and watch them, he would be so piss off of what ever reason that was, and I can tell he didn’t even love me. I remember I got A’s in my classes and won an “On Roll” and not even once he would smile or say he was proud of me. I was his disappointment of a peace of trash that was nothing to him... Then again I was six year old and didn't know what the hell was going on at age six.

I live in New York City even though I am home schooled I won’t really allow to hang out with friends or talk to people. After my dad die my mother was so scared for me to go out there in the real world, so I was hidden from the world. My mom always keep me close, but when I turn 10 my mom was about to lose are house, my mom didn’t have any friends or family that live in New York. My mom would worry about leaving me alone in the house, so she made herself get married to someone she don’t even love just to keep me save, so also I can have a father in my life also he can watch me while my mom go to work. My mom is strong, independent women, my mom was my hero, but she worry to much, my mother was my close friend but ever since she left me, so she can work the less time I spent time with her the only days I see her is Saturdays afternoons or just on Holidays and that all my time.

Part 2
My first nightmare of life

My Step dad would look at me very weird the first time we meet it was like he want to do something to me, he had green eyes, black hair he wasn’t that tall but not that short either, he in the middle I really didn’t know his name either. He looks sweet and nice but I found out he has a dark side, like he won’t scared to kill you or hurt you fearless I see in him. One night he drug up my mom and he let me watch them have sex, he was hitting her and rapping her pretty bad, the next day my mom didn’t get up from bed, so I had to call the emergency. She was in bad congestion my step father told me to not tell, so I didn’t. I lied saying that she was drunk; the bad thing about it was that my mom had problems remembering what did real happen to her.
When I turn 11 my step father started holding me weird, play with my hair, treating me like I never felt in my life, I like it but at the same time I felt weird. One time he started to kiss me at first I was scared but then when he told me he wasn’t going to hurt me like he did to my mom, I felt unsure but I still allow him to make out with me also “I didn’t tell my mom about him kissing me” he told me “if you tell my mom I was making out with him”, “she would be upset with him and she will kick him out, and I would be token away from my mom”. So I didn’t tell I allow him to treat me like his my boyfriend. One night he came to my room he lay down where I was laying it was 10:30 PM at night he was playing with my boobs, touching my butt, rubbing me and then he would kissing me, he slowly kiss my neck, then he would hold me ageist his body, we weren’t naked or anything but I can feel something sticking out. I stop and ask him “what was that thing pocking out his paints”? He looks at me and said “don’t worry about it”. I felt uncomfortable, but I let him touch me and hold me, I didn’t freak out or scream or yell I just lay there moaning and enjoying him touching me.

When I hit 12 and 13 everything started to change I mean I still a virgin but I was hoping for my first taste of sin. We were alone in bed one night I ask him “when are you going to have sex with me”? he look at me with those green eyes and he told me “it’s not time”, “it will be soon” then he pull me close and stared to make out with me. He uses his tongue and rubs it all over my neck slowly. I would feel myself getting all wet, slowly dripping out of my underwear, to the point  he would make me take showers and I would beg him to join me, but he would reject my offer. He would give me a loving smile that I never seen in my life and right there and then I was in love with twenty-three year old man. He was my sin that I want for years and I hope one day he would gives it to me his love, but at that moment I knew he love me too.

Part 3
I don’t give a fuck*

My mom and I really haven’t hang out for years, I started to lose my friendship with my mother I haven’t told my mom anything about my father and I. Also I didn’t tell her how I really felt about him. I felt good and it felt right that my father has been holding me, kissing me and playing with me. My life have flipped all this years that I been with him have change everything that I see, touch and smell he was all of them that I can’t rejected him. Forever and ever it will be, it was him and I want him to be the one to give me is love and everything above.

When I turn 14 and 15 my father stated letting me watch porn and I started to teach myself how to strip and learn how to dirty dance, I try many ways to pleasure my father to turn him on so he can have sex with me. But no his suborn as fuck, I knew I would give him boner’s every time, I turn him on, I only knew this is causes I can see his cock sticking out of his paints, my father notice I was becoming a monster, but his not sure where all of this is head too and also he don’t see the point of view that I want his love, but I know he love it. He stated letting me wear thong and other adult cloths he even started letting me drink, he teach me how to drive as while, it seem like the older I get the better things come to me, life felt good and I am so happy to have him in my life.
For my 16th birthday my mom took me to the mall and we hang out for the first time I felt careless about my mom, I really didn’t give a shit about her, for all this years she decided now was a good time to hang out. She started to ask question about what my dad and I been doing? She also ask me dose he treat me right when we are alone? she told me if he ever touch me anywhere of my body that it was bad thing and to always tell her about those problems, “PROBLEM’S” “What the fuck” I look at her with a smile and then I laugh out loud, “mom don’t be silly his a great guy” I said, but inside of me I was So Piss, now she tells me “IT’S BAD” all this years and she tell me this now. Well then I don’t give a fuck what she thinks about him and she for sure shouldn’t care what the hell I do with him, she didn’t care before. Anyways I didn’t tell her anything about us; I felt that it was my business and not hers, I was upset to finish my Rocker Road ice cream so I told my mom was full and my mom ate the rest of my ice cream. When we got home it was 7:30PM, I knew he was waiting for me, when I got inside the house he was sleeping but I knew he won’t sleeping he was waiting for my mom