The Adventures of Gil Blas of Santillane, Alain René le Sage [most read books .txt] 📗

troth, he

shall go the way of Signor Apuntador and all mankind. There is no

reason why the forehead of a physician should be smoother than

the brow of an apothecary. Poor dear Apuntador! What fun have we

had with him, his wife and I! A charming woman, that wife of his!

A dear little creature, open to all mankind, and prejudiced by

none! Well! she is at peace, and has not left her fellow behind

her! Take my word, short as her time was, she made the most of

it. Let me see how many rampant chaps have been brought to their

bearings in that house, without the dear deluded husband being

waked out of his evening’s nap! Now, madam, you may see me in my

true light; and assure yourself, whatever might be the abilities

of your old usher, you will not fare the worse for going further.

If he was a benefit to you, I shall be a blessing.

 

You may judge for yourself, Diego, continued Mergelina, how well

I took it of the duenna, that she laid herself open so frankly. I

had taken her virtue to be of the impenetrable cast. Look you

now, how much women are liable to be scandalized. But her

character of plain dealing won my heart at once. I threw my arms

about her neck in a rapture, which bespoke my warm and tender

feelings at the thoughts of such a mother abbess. I gave her

carte blanche of all my private thoughts, and put in for a speedy

t�te-�-t�te with your own dear self. She met me on my own ground.

This very morning she engaged the old woman who spoke to you, to

take the field: she is an old stager, a veteran in the service of

the apothecary’s wife. But the best of the joke in this comedy,

added she in a paroxysm of laughter, is that Melancia, on my

assurance that my husband’s habit is to pass the night without

stirring, is gone to bed by his side, and drones out my useless

office at this moment. So much the worse, madam, said I then to

Mergelina; your device is more plausible than profitable. Your

husband is very likely to wake, and discover the fraud. He will

not discover anything about it, replied she with no little

urgency; set your heart at rest about that, and let not an empty

fear poison the fountains of a pleasure, which ought to drown

every vulgar and earthly consideration in the arms of a young

lady who is yours for ever and ever.

 

The old doctor’s helpmate, finding that her assurances had

little effect upon my courage, left no stone unturned to put me

in heart again; and she had so many encouraging ways with her,

that a very coward must have plucked up a little. My thoughts

were all with Jupiter and Alcmena; but at the very moment that

the urchin Cupid, with his train of smiles and antics, was

weaving a garland to compliment the crisis of our endeavours, we

were stopped in our career by an importunate knocking at the

street door. In a moment, away flew love and all his covey, like

game at the report of a fowling-piece. Mergelina popped me like

an article of household furniture under the hall table, blew out

the lamp, and, by previous agreement with her governess, in the

event of so unlucky an accident, placed herself at the door of

her husband’s bedchamber. In the mean time, the knocking

continued with reiterated violence, till the whole house

resounded. The physician awoke suddenly, and called Melancia. The

duenna flung herself out of bed, though the doctor, taking her

for his wife, begged of her not to disturb herself. She ran to

her mistress, who, catching hold of her in the dark, began

calling Melancia! and told her to go and see who was at the door.

Madam, answered the directress, here I am at your service, go to

bed again if you please; you shall soon know who it is. During

this parley, Mergelina having undressed, got into bed to the

doctor, who had not the least suspicion of the farce that was

playing. To be sure the stage was darkened, and the actresses had

very little occasion for a prompter; one of them was familiar

with the boards, and the other wanted only a rehearsal or two to

be perfect in her part.

 

The duenna, in her night-gown, made her appearance soon after,

with a candle in her hand — Good doctor, said she to her master,

have the goodness to get up. Our neighbour Fernandez de Buendia,

the bookseller, is in an apoplectic fit: you are sent for; time

presses. The physician got on his clothes as fast as he could,

and went out. His wife, in her bed-gown, came into the hall with

the duenna. They dragged me from under the table more dead than

alive. You have nothing to fear, Diego, said Mergelina, put

yourself in proper order. At the same time she told me how things

were in two words. She had half a mind to renew our amorous

intercourse; but the directress knew better. Madam, said she,

your husband may possibly be too late to help the bookseller to

the other world, and then he will return immediately. Besides,

added she, observing me benumbed with fright, it would be all

lost labour upon this poor youth! He is not in a condition to

answer your demands. You had better send him home, and defer the

debate till to-morrow evening. Donna Mergelina was sorry for the

delay, as well knowing that a bird in hand is worth two in the

bush; and I flatter myself she was disappointed at not putting a

cuckold’s nightcap on the doctor’s head.

 

As for me, less grieved at having drawn a blank in the lottery of

love, than rejoiced at getting my neck out of an halter, I

returned to my master’s, where I passed the remainder of the

night in moralizing on the scene I had left. For some time, I was

in doubt whether to keep my appointment on the following evening.

I thought it was a foolish business from first to last; but the

devil, who is always lurking for his prey, or rather taking

possession of us as his lawful property, whispered in my ear that

I should be a great fool to pack up my alls when the prize was

falling into my hands. Mergelina too with opening and

unfathomable charms! The exquisite pleasures that awaited me! I

determined to stick to my text; and promising myself a larger

share of self-possession, took my station the next evening at the

doctor’s door, between eleven and twelve, in a most spirit-stirring humour. The heavens were completely darkened, not a star

to prate of my whereabout. I mewed twice or thrice to give

warning of my being in the street; and, as no one answered my

signal, I was not satisfied with going over the old ground, but

ran up and down the cat’s gamut from bass to treble, and from

treble to bass, just as I used to sol-fa with a shepherd of

Olm�do. I tuned my fundamental bass so musically, that a

neighbour, on his return home, taking me for one of those animals

whose mewings I counterfeited, picked up an unlucky flint lying

at his feet, and threw it at me with all his force, saying —

The devil fetch that tom cat! I received the blow on my head, and

was so stunned for the moment, that I was very near falling

backwards. I found the skin was broken. This was enough in all

conscience to give me a surfeit of gallantry; so that, my passion

oozing out with my blood, I made the best of my way homewards,

where I rendered night hideous by my howling, and knocked all the

family up. My master probed my wound, and played the true surgeon

on it; he pronounced the consequences to be uncertain. He did all

he could to make them certain; but flesh will heal in spite of

the faculty; and there was not a scar remaining in three weeks.

During all this time, I heard not a word from Mergelina. The

probability is that Dame Melancia, to wean her impure thoughts

from me, engaged her in some better sport. However, I did not

concern myself about the matter; but left Madrid to continue my

tour of Spain, as soon as I found myself perfectly recovered.

 

CH. VIII. — The meeting of Gil Blas and his companion with a man

soaking crusts of bread at a spring, and the particulars of their

conversation.

 

SIGNOR Diego de la Fuenta related some other adventures which had

since happened to him; but they were so little worthy of

preservation, that I shall pass them by in silence. Yet there was

no getting rid of the recital, which was tedious enough: it

lasted as far as Ponte de Duero. We halted in that town the

remainder of the day. Our commons at the inn consisted of a

vegetable soup and a roast hare, whose genus and species we took

especial pains to verify. At daybreak on the following morning we

resumed our journey, after having replenished our flask with some

very tolerable wine, and our wallet with some pieces of bread,

and half the hare we had left at supper.

 

When we had gone about two leagues we waxed hungry; and, espying

at about two hundred yards from the high road some spreading

trees, which threw an agreeable shade over the plain, we made up

to the spot, and rested on our arms. There we met with a man from

seven to eight and twenty, who was dipping crusts of bread into a

spring. He had a long sword lying by him on the grass, with a

soldier’s knapsack, of which he had eased his shoulders. We

thought his air and person better than his attire. We accosted

him with civility; and he returned our salutation. He then

offered us his crusts, and asked with a smile if we would take

potluck with him. We answered in the affirmative, provided he had

no objection to our clubbing our own breakfast, by way of making

the meal more substantial. He agreed to it with the utmost

readiness, and we immediately produced our provisions; which were

not unacceptable to the stranger. What is all this, gentlemen,

exclaimed he in a transport of joy, here is ammunition for an

army! By your forecast, you must be commissaries or

quartermasters. I do not travel with so much contrivance, for my

part; but depend a good deal on the chances of the road. At the

same time, though appearances may be against me, I can say,

without vanity, that I sometimes make a very brilliant figure in

the world. Would you believe that princely honours are commonly

bestowed on me, and that I have guards in attendance? I

comprehend you, said Diego; you mean to tell us, you are a

player. You guess right, replied the other; I have been an actor

for these fifteen years at least. From my very infancy, I was

sent on the boards in children’s parts. To deal freely, rejoined

the barber, shaking his head, I do not believe a word of it. I

know the players; those gentry do not travel on foot, like you,

nor do they mess with St Anthony. I doubt whether you are

anything better than a candle-snuffer. You may, quoth the son of

Thespis, think of me as you please; but my parts, for all that,

are in the first line; I play the lovers. If that be the case,

said my companion, I wish you much joy, and am delighted that

Signor Gil Blas and myself have the honour of breakfasting