Tracks Of A Rolling Stone, Henry J. Coke [kiss me liar novel english txt] 📗

Of The De Langfords,  An Ancient Family From

That Time Extinct.  While Staying There During My Summer

Holidays,  My Mother Confided To Me That She Had Had An Offer

Of Marriage From Mr. Motteux,  The Owner Of Considerable

Estates In Norfolk,  Including Two Houses - Beachamwell And

Sandringham.  Mr. Motteux - 'Johnny Motteux,' As He Was

Called - Was,  Like Tristram Shandy's Father,  The Son Of A

Wealthy 'Turkey Merchant,' Which,  Until Better Informed,  I

Always Took To Mean A Dealer In Poultry.  'Johnny,' Like 

Chapter 9 Pg 47

Another Man Of Some Notoriety,  Whom I Well Remember In My

Younger Days - Mr. Creevey - Had Access To Many Large Houses

Such As Holkham; Not,  Like Creevey,  For The Sake Of His

Scandalous Tongue,  But For The Sake Of His Wealth.  He Had No

(Known) Relatives; And Big People,  Who Had Younger Sons To

Provide For,  Were Quite Willing That One Of Them Should Be

His Heir.  Johnny Motteux Was An Epicure With The Best Of

Chefs.  His Capons Came From Paris,  His Salmon From

Christchurch,  And His Strasburg Pies Were Made To Order.  One

Of These He Always Brought With Him As A Present To My

Mother,  Who Used To Say,  'Mr. Motteux Evidently Thinks The

Nearest Way To My Heart Is Down My Throat.'

 

A Couple Of Years After My Father's Death,  Motteux Wrote To

My Mother Proposing Marriage,  And,  To Enhance His Personal

Attractions,  (In Figure And Dress He Was A Duplicate Of The

Immortal Pickwick,) Stated That He Had Made His Will And Had

Bequeathed Sandringham To Me,  Adding That,  Should He Die

Without Issue,  I Was To Inherit The Remainder Of His Estates.

 

Rather To My Surprise,  My Mother Handed The Letter To Me With

Evident Signs Of Embarrassment And Distress.  My First

Exclamation Was:  'How Jolly!  The Shooting's First Rate,  And

The Old Boy Is Over Seventy,  If He's A Day.'

 

My Mother Apparently Did Not See It In This Light.  She

Clearly,  To My Disappointments Did Not Care For The Shooting;

And My Exultation Only Brought Tears Into Her Eyes.

 

'Why,  Mother,' I Exclaimed,  'What's Up?  Don't You - Don't

You Care For Johnny Motteux?'

 

She Confessed That She Did Not.

 

'Then Why Don't You Tell Him So,  And Not Bother About His

Beastly Letter?'

 

'If I Refuse Him You Will Lose Sandringham.'

 

'But He Says Here He Has Already Left It To Me.'

 

'He Will Alter His Will.'

 

'Let Him!' Cried I,  Flying Out At Such Prospective Meanness. 

'Just You Tell Him You Don't Care A Rap For Him Or For

Sandringham Either.'

 

In More Lady-Like Terms She Acted In Accordance With My

Advice; And,  It May Be Added,  Not Long Afterwards Married Mr.

Ellice.

 

Mr. Motteux's First Love,  Or One Of Them,  Had Been Lady

Cowper,  Then Lady Palmerston.  Lady Palmerston's Youngest Son

Was Mr. Spencer Cowper.  Mr. Motteux Died A Year Or Two After 

Chapter 9 Pg 48

The Above Event.  He Made A Codicil To His Will,  And Left

Sandringham And All His Property To Mr. Spencer Cowper.  Mr.

Spencer Cowper Was A Young Gentleman Of Costly Habits. 

Indeed,  He Bore The Slightly Modified Name Of 'Expensive

Cowper.'  As An Attache At Paris He Was Famous For His

Patronage Of Dramatic Art - Or Artistes Rather; The Votaries

Of Terpsichore Were Especially Indebted To His Liberality. 

At The Time Of Mr. Motteux's Demise,  He Was Attached To The

Embassy At St. Petersburg.  Mr. Motteux's Solicitors Wrote

Immediately To Inform Him Of His Accession To Their Late

Client's Wealth.  It Being One Of Mr. Cowper's Maxims Never

To Read Lawyers' Letters,  (He Was In Daily Receipt Of More

Than He Could Attend To,) He Flung This One Unread Into The

Fire; And Only Learnt His Mistake Through The Congratulations

Of His Family.

 

The Prince Consort Happened About This Time To Be In Quest Of

A Suitable Country Seat For His Present Majesty; And

Sandringham,  Through The Adroit Negotiations Of Lord

Palmerston,  Became The Property Of The Prince Of Wales.  The

Soul Of The 'Turkey Merchant,' We Cannot Doubt,  Will Repose

In Peace.

 

The Worthy Rector Of Warham St. Mary's Was An Oddity

Deserving Of Passing Notice.  Outwardly He Was No Adonis. 

His Plain Features And Shock Head Of Foxy Hair,  His

Antiquated And Neglected Garb,  His Copious Jabot - Much

Affected By The Clergy Of Those Days - Were Becoming

Investitures Of The Inward Man.  His Temper Was Inflammatory, 

Sometimes Leading To Excesses,  Which I Am Sure He Rued In

Mental Sackcloth And Ashes.  But Visitors At Holkham (Unaware

Of The Excellent Motives And Moral Courage Which Inspired His

Conduct) Were Not A Little Amazed At The Austerity With Which

He Obeyed The Dictates Of His Conscience.

 

For Example,  One Sunday Evening After Dinner,  When The

Drawing-Room Was Filled With Guests,  Who More Or Less

Preserved The Decorum Which Etiquette Demands In The Presence

Of Royalty,  (The Duke Of Sussex Was Of The Party,) Charles

Fox And Lady Anson,  Great-Grandmother Of The Present Lord

Lichfield,  Happened To Be Playing At Chess.  When The

Irascible Dominie Beheld Them He Pushed His Way Through The

Bystanders,  Swept The Pieces From The Board,  And,  With

Rigorous Impartiality,  Denounced These Impious Desecrators Of

The Sabbath Eve.

 

As An Example Of His Fidelity As A Librarian,  Mr. Panizzi

Used To Relate With Much Glee How,  Whenever He Was At

Holkham,  Mr. Collyer Dogged Him Like A Detective.  One Day, 

Not Wishing To Detain The Reverend Gentleman While He Himself

Spent The Forenoon In The Manuscript Library,  (Where Not Only

The Ancient Manuscripts,  But The Most Valuable Of The Printed

Books,  Are Kept Under Lock And Key,) He Considerately Begged

Mr. Collyer To Leave Him To His Researches.  The Dominie 

Chapter 9 Pg 49

Replied 'That He Knew His Duty,  And Did Not Mean To Neglect

It.'  He Did Not Lose Sight Of Mr. Panizzi.

 

The Notion That He - The Great Custodian Of The Nation's

Literary Treasures - Would Snip Out And Pocket The Title-Page

Of The Folio Edition Of Shakespeare,  Or Of The Coverdale

Bible,  Tickled Mr. Panizzi's Fancy Vastly.

 

In Spite,  However,  Of Our Rector's Fiery Temperament,  Or

Perhaps In Consequence Of It,  He Was Remarkably Susceptible

To The Charms Of Beauty.  We Were Constantly Invited To

Dinner And Garden Parties In The Neighbourhood; Nor Was The

Good Rector Slow To Return The Compliment.  It Must Be

Confessed That The Pupil Shared To The Full The

Impressibility Of The Tutor; And,  As It Happened,  Unknown To

Both,  The Two Were In One Case Rivals.

 

As The Young Lady Afterwards Occupied A Very Distinguished

Position In Oxford Society,  It Can Only Be Said That She Was

Celebrated For Her Many Attractions.  She Was Then Sixteen, 

And The Younger Of Her Suitors But Two Years Older.  As Far

As Age Was Concerned,  Nothing Could Be More Compatible.  Nor

In The Matter Of Mutual Inclination Was There Any Disparity

Whatever.  What,  Then,  Was The Pupil's Dismay When,  After A

Dinner Party At The Rectory,  And The Company Had Left,  The

Tutor,  In A Frantic State Of Excitement,  Seized The Pupil By

Both Hands,  And Exclaimed:  'She Has Accepted Me!'

 

'Accepted You?' I Asked.  'Who Has Accepted You?'

 

'Who?  Why,  Miss -,  Of Course!  Who Else Do You Suppose Would

Accept Me?'

 

'No One,' Said I,  With Doleful Sincerity.  'But Did You

Propose To Her?  Did She Understand What You Said To Her? 

Did She Deliberately And Seriously Say "Yes?"'

 

'Yes,  Yes,  Yes,' And His Disordered Jabot And Touzled Hair

Echoed The Fatal Word.

 

'O Smintheus Of The Silver Bow!' I Groaned.  'It Is The

Woman's Part To Create Delusions,  And - Destroy Them!  To

Think Of It! After All That Has Passed Between Us These  -

These Three Weeks,  Next Monday!  "Once And For Ever."  Did

Ever Woman Use Such Words Before?  And I - Believed Them!' 

'Did You Speak To The Mother?' I Asked In A Fit Of

Desperation.

 

'There Was No Time For That.  Mrs. - Was In The Carriage,  And

I Didn't Pop [The Odious Word!] Till I Was Helping Her On

With Her Cloak.  The Cloak,  You See,  Made It Less Awkward. 

My Offer Was A Sort Of Obiter Dictum - A By-The-Way,  As It

Were.'

 

Chapter 9 Pg 50

'To The Carriage,  Yes.  But Wasn't She Taken By Surprise?'

 

'Not A Bit Of It.  Bless You! They Always Know.  She

Pretended Not To Understand,  But That's A Way They Have.'

 

'And When You Explained?'

 

'There Wasn't Time For More.  She Laughed,  And Sprang Into

The Carriage.'

 

'And That Was All?'

 

'All! Would You Have Had Her Spring Into My Arms?'

 

'God Forbid!  You Will Have To Face The Mother To-Morrow,'

Said I,  Recovering Rapidly From My Despondency.

 

'Face?  Well,  I Shall Have To Call Upon Mrs. -,  If That's

What You Mean.  A Mere Matter Of Form.  I Shall Go Over After

Lunch.  But It Needn't Interfere With Your Work.  You Can Go

On With The "Anabasis" Till I Come Back.  And Remember -

Neaniskos Is Not A Proper Name,  Ha! Ha! Ha!  The Quadratics

Will Keep Till The Evening.'  He Was Merry Over His

Prospects,  And I Was Not Altogether Otherwise.

 

But There Was No Xenophon,  No Algebra,  That Day!  Dire Was

The Distress Of My Poor Dominie When He Found The Mother As

Much Bewildered As The Daughter Was Frightened,  By The

Mistake.  'She,' The Daughter,  'Had Never For A Moment

Imagined,  &C.,  &C.'

 

My Tutor Was Not Long Disheartened By Such Caprices - So He

Deemed Them,  As Miss Jemima's (She Had A Prettier Name,  You

May Be Sure),  And I Did My Best (It Cost Me Little Now) To

Encourage His Fondest Hopes.  I Proposed That We Should Drink

The Health Of The Future Mistress Of Warham In Tea,  Which He

Cheerfully Acceded To,  All The More Readily,  That It Gave Him

An Opportunity To Vent One Of His Old College Jokes.  'Yes, 

Yes,' Said He,  With A Laugh,  'There's Nothing Like Tea.  Te

Veniente Die,  Te Decedente Canebam.'  Such Sallies Of

Innocent Playfulness Often Smoothed