Truth of Dark Pasts, Serena Wood [read my book .txt] 📗

fight left in her to pull away; she just stands there, frozen. Her reaction (or lack of a reaction) forces me to try to kiss her again, trying to gain a reaction from her. She kisses back a little bit this time, more out of obligation than really a want to kiss me. The kiss breaks and after a second I try one last time to get the reaction I’m so desperately searching for. This time she seems to cave in, kissing back as if she forgot that she was suppose to be restraining herself. Thrilled by achieving my goal, I deepen the kiss as if I needed her to kiss me back in order to survive. Like in that moment her kiss was the breath of life.

I move closer and she stumbles back onto the bed. This feeling in the pit of my stomach resurfaces and I already know from past experience what my body plans on doing. But I don’t bother stopping myself, pulling at the button on her jeans. I realize I need this, more than I’d be willing to admit. But I need her, right now; squirming and moaning under me.

She pulls her top up over her head, already knowing what’s next. Almost as if she has no choice. For a moment I almost stop myself but she tugs at my shirt and forces me to pull it over my head before taking my bra off too and tossing it aside. And just like that, the thought of stopping is erased as I do the same to her bra; moving to nip at her neck like she’s some meal I have to test out first before devouring. I move down to kiss her collarbone as she wiggles out of the now unbuttoned jeans.

This time I don’t even have the patience to wait for her underwear to slip off. I slide my hand under the fabric, my fingers quickly finding the familiar spot that brings her so much pleasure. She gasps, startled by my impatience. Soon enough, she’s holding onto my shoulders like I’m the only thing keeping her steady. Her grip becomes almost painful. Her nails dig into my skin slightly when she climaxes. I hold her steady as she comes down from the high, the knowledge that I can do that to her forcing a fuzzy high of my own on me. A few minutes of silence passes before she finally softens the grip on my shoulders and looks away from the ceiling to lock eyes with me; looking like she's disappointed in the person I've become. The look in her eyes forces an “I’m sorry.” out of me. The apology slips out without me really knowing what it is I’m saying.

“For what?” This bitter tone comes out of her that I’m not use to hearing from her naturally sweet voice. “For leaving. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear. I just… panicked.” She looks at me thoughtfully for a minute before muttering “It’s okay.” in a rather defeated way. “No, it’s not okay. I shouldn’t have hurt you after all I already put you through and…” she cuts me off with a soft, quick kiss and it silences my thoughts; giving her enough time to speak. “Don’t worry about it, it’s okay, really. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” I stare at her doubtfully, knowing she’s not telling me the truth. “Yeah, don’t waste your energy worrying about someone like me.” she says it so softly, looking away and I almost don’t catch it. “Don’t talk like that… You don’t know how much you mean to me.” in that moment of weakness, I let the comment slip. She looks back up at me, her eyes finally rid themselves of that awful gloom they’ve had in them for so long now. For a brief second, they shine like they use to and the sight warms my heart just a bit. But before I have the chance to fully take it in, her expression changes to one of disbelief. “Do you actually mean that?”

I reply almost instantly “I told you I wasn’t lying, I do care about you. I’m just… bad at showing it, I guess.” I mutter that last part sheepishly and at last, I pull a smile out of her. She moves up to kiss me again and the kiss lasts a bit longer than the last, leaving me in a blissful daze. She pulls away and it takes me a second to realize she’s talking again. “Will you stay this time?” she asks so hopefully that it makes me crumble before I can even think of running away again. “Of course I will.” I move to kiss her cheek, pulling an adorable giggle out of her before I move to her side and pull a blanket over her. She curls up at my side just like she did the first time. But this time I don’t hesitate to hold her closer.

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We talk for a while. About pointless things really, but somehow I don’t mind the pointless chatter like I usually do when Chloe or her friends would jabber my ear off. Ellie’s not like them. She talks in this adorable shy voice about all the good things from our childhood, this horse she got to ride not long after I had walked out on her during that awful summer. She talks about nice fuzzy things instead of all the awful drama I hear from Chloe’s friends.

Ellie’s nothing like them. She’s a million times better, she’s someone actually worth being around. As ridiculous as it is to say, she’s one of a kind. The kind of girl that the good guy in the movie always searches for. And here she is, curled up in the arms of a girl who’s a complete screw up. I don’t deserve this girl. The thought hits me like a wall and I know in an instant it’s the truest thought I’ve had in months.

“River?” She glances up at me a couple minutes into the conversation, trying to hide a yawn. “Hmm?” I look away from the ceiling to see that cute, sleepy look on her face. “You’re thinking … You’re not thinking of leaving again, are you?” she asks worriedly. “No, I was thinking about you.” I answer honestly, for once. “Really?” she beams at me, trying to  hold back another yawn. “Yeah.” I kiss her forehead and smile at her. “Get some rest. We can take a nap and then we’ll get some lunch. How’s that sound?” She smiles at me sleepily. “Sounds… good.” she mutters before nodding off. I play with her hair and watch her sleep for a while; calm, easy breathing. Until finally I doze off too.

Chapter 10, "Secrets"

 

☀Ellie☀

I wake up about midday, the sound of a car pulling into the drive is the first sound my sleepy head registers other than River’s slow breathing. I nuzzle into the comfortable spot beside River and almost go back to sleep. Before I realize who’s car is pulling into the driveway.

“Ellie, I’m home. I hope you’re up by now.” Mom shouts from somewhere downstairs. I sit upright in a flash, pulling the blanket with me. River jolts awake with the sudden movement, “W-what’s going on?” she asks, startled by the rude awaking. “My mom’s home. Get dressed, quick.” I mumble a response, tossing her clothes at her as I pull on mine. She puts them on groggily, barely getting dressed before my mom walks in.

She takes in the scene for a second but doesn’t seem too fazed, “Oh, Hello River. I didn’t know you’d be stopping by. I’m glad you woke Ellie up for me, god knows she can sleep all day if not disturbed. I’m about to make myself some lunch, you two come down in a few minutes and I’ll have some wings ready.” She leaves the room without even letting us speak. “That was close.” River snickers, fixing my undone pants that mom somehow didn’t notice. “You don’t think we were obvious or anything, do you?” I turn to look at her hopefully and she gives me this cocky grin, “She’ll never suspect I had you moaning a few hours ago.” she snickers again.

“Jerk.” I hit her arm playfully and she moves to wrap that arm around my waist. “Deal with it.” she kisses my neck and I pull away, startled by her sudden affection. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing.” when she gives me that concerned look, I can’t seem to hold her gaze. I still can’t believe her.

“El, talk to me, did I do something?” she moves to hug my waist again, resting her chin on my shoulder and staring at me quizzically. “No… I’m just not use to you being… nice, I guess.” She seems almost hurt by that answer and after a minute she moves to hug me tighter. “I’m sorry, I’ve really fucked things up, haven’t I?” I look away from her to look out the window. “No…. I just don’t know what to think, is all.”

She moves away from the hug so she can look me in the eye.“You know I never meant for any of it, right? I didn’t mean for any of the bullying, or what Chloe and her friends did to you, or… leaving like I did.”

“I know…” I mutter instinctively, I don’t really know. How can I still be trusting her after everything she’s done? “I know I’ve been a total ass but I’ll fix everything. I swear.” I think her words over for a minute. Honestly what do I have to lose? What more could she do to me? “Okay.” I manage a smile and she smiles back at me, moving to kiss me lightly and it catches me off guard. That’s the first time she’s kissed me without it being in the middle of a fight, without any sex involved before or after. It was simply a kiss, like a normal girlfriend would do. Girlfriend...

“River… what does this make us now?” I regret asking as soon as I open my mouth. She stares at me wide eyed, like she was hopping I’d never ask that question. Maybe there is a little more damage she can do to me.

“I don’t know, Ellie. We really shouldn’t talk about that now… Your mom’s probably done with those wings, we should go eat.” She stands up and starts walking to the door. I grab her arm before she can get away from me, she’s not getting out of it this easy. “Wait, why can’t we talk about it now?”

“It’s just… I really don’t want to hurt you again and I’d just rather not talk about this right now, come on we should go eat.” She tries to pull me to the door but I stand my ground. ‘I don’t want to hurt you again’ “You don’t like me do you? Is that why you don’t wanna talk about what this makes us? You don’t want to deal with rejecting me, right?”

“Oh, god. Ellie, don’t give me that look. You know that’s not why….”

“I don’t know, if you don’t like me you could have just said that from the beginning, you didn’t have to force yourself to have sex with me or whatever you were doing…”