Truth of Dark Pasts, Serena Wood [read my book .txt] 📗

of my mind that’s fighting against all the others, telling me to go see her. Somehow I feel like that small part of me is going to end up overpowering everything else. That scares me. It’s not just seeing her again that makes my nerves on edge, part of it is just the fact that she has such influence on me and she doesn’t even know it. If she ever did, a part of me fears that she’d use it against me and maybe that’s why I ran away like I did. Like I’ve been doing for months. Ever since that first kiss.

“River?” Zoey’s groggy voice comes from the doorway, I sit up to find her crossing the threshold in her night shirt. “Hey, what’s up?” I try to sound cheery, putting on a smile on. “Thought you were awake, this is my only day off this week and you’ve managed to ruin my sleep already.” she grumbles, meaning it in a far more joking way then it came out with her sleepy voice. “Sorry” I mumble, fiddling with my nails. She sits on the bed across from me, folding her legs under her in a slow almost drunken movement; much like I had been when I woke up. “It’s fine, I can tell somethings up. What is it?”

Funny things about sisters, they always sense when somethings off. “Nothin.” I mumble, but I already know it’s pointless to try and squirm my way out of this. “River. Spill it.” she hits my arm and gives me this stern glare. Sighing, I know I’ll have to explain. Maybe I can get the help from her I’m desperately needing, but then again there’s still that chance she’ll get upset and I really don’t need another conflict.

Regardless the story starts slipping out of me and before I know it I’ve told her everything. She stares at me wide eyed when I tell her I’d slept with Ellie but she remains silent until my story is over. “You… slept with her? And you just left the house??” She gives me this astonished expression and already I can tell I’m going to be reprimanded for my actions. “Yeah…” I say cautiously.  “Jesus, River. What were you thinking? You never pull that leave in the middle of the night move.” I stare at my hands, too guilty to meet her gaze. “I just thought it would be better after everything that happened.” I weakly try to defend myself but even I can’t justify my own actions that night. “That’s never the better choice, lil sis. No girl likes waking up the next morning to find out it was a hit and run.”

I look up at her in a flash. “It wasn’t like that! I just… panicked. I didn’t know what else to do, you know I would have done something stupid the next morning.” She takes in that last sentence and thinks it over for a minute. “I know you’re a screw up, hence why you ditched her after getting in her pants.” She pauses to let the jab sink in and it works, sinking it’s claws into my heart. I stare at my hands again as she continues. “But that girl’s been your only friend since… you know.” instantly I do know what she’s referring to and the painful memory resurfaces, still affecting my life so many years later. “Don’t remind me, you know better than to talk about that.” I grumble, pulling my eyes away from my hands to glare at her. Her expression softens at that.

“I know, sweetie. What he did to you was terrible and we’ve all told you if you ever wanted to talk to…” She brushes my hair out of my eyes and I have to cut her sentence there. “We weren’t talking about that, weren’t you going to make some point about Ellie?” she sighs and moves her hand away from my hair; back down to my knee. “You’re right, I’m sorry I brought it up. It’s just… You barely made any friends when we moved after… What I’m trying to say is, that girl stuck with you through all of that and I know she means too much to you for you to let the relationship die like that. You messed up pretty bad but I know you know how to fix it, you’ll be fine.” she pats my knee encouragingly and after a minute of my silence she adds “She’s a really sweet girl, you know. I approve, I’ll back you up if mom and dad give you a hard time.” She smiles when I glance at her and I can’t help the giggle that slips out, “Thanks, Zoey.”

“You know, I kinda always knew you liked her. I invented that puppy love look so you’re not fooling me.” She snickers and instinctively I hit her arm. “Go back to bed, sissy.”

“Alright, Alright. Goodnight, River Bug.” She gives me a quick hug before shuffling out of the room. I lay back down and stare at the ceiling, too worried and energetic to go back to sleep. I glance over and check the clock again. 3:18. Ellie’s mom should probably be getting up for work right about now. For a moment I wonder if I should go over there now. But I quickly push the thought aside, fearing that she would be angry at me for what I had caused. If she knows it was mostly my fault her daughter hurt herself like that, she’ll kill me on spot. Better not take the chance, Ellie will probably be asleep anyways. So I’ll wait.

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I stand infront of the front door of Ellie’s house. I’ve been standing here for nearly 15 minutes, unable to reach up and knock on the door. I shift my weight and my thoughts race with worry. Eventually I manage to trick my limb into finally ringing the door bell. “Come in!” after a minute Ellie shouts from somewhere inside the house. Cautiously I step inside the house, shutting the door behind me. I walk inside the house, stopping in the kitchen for a second; the memory of that knife coming back to haunt me. I move assed the kitchen and make it to the kitchen table before Ellie's voice stops me “The bill’s on the counter and the box is out back.” her voice reaches me from somewhere in the bathroom. Right after speaking she comes out, combing her hair.

She freezes when she sees me, dropping her comb and her eyes widen in an almost fearful way. Just at the site of me, her eyes tear up. Before I can even say a word, she’s stepping back, knocking the forgotten comb out of her way and within seconds she’s gone. After a second of startled confusion, I follow after her; up the stairs and stop at the closed door of her room. “Ellie, I just wanted to talk to you. Please open the door.”

“Go away.” is the quiet, muffled reply I catch. “Ellie just let me in, I’m not here to mug you or anything.” a minute or two of silence passes before I hear her moving inside. The door unlocks and she pushes it open slightly before disappearing into the darkness of her room. I wait a minute or so before pushing the door open and stand in the doorway. She doesn’t speak, she’s sitting on the far corner of the bed, pressed up against the wall with her legs pulled up to her chest; looking as if I’d attack her if she weren’t squeezed into her hiding spot. She keeps her gaze on her hands as I move to hover over the bed. “Hey…” I mumble stupidly. She doesn’t even look up at me.

“Look, I just came over here to…” I don’t know what it is I would have said. Made up an apology? Tried to explain why I had left? Made up another lie? Whatever it is I would have said, I’ll never know because she cuts me off before I can think of something to say. “W-why are you here? Can you just leave?” She glances up at me and all I see in her usually sweet eyes are hate. It nearly tears my heart in two and it stuns my reaction, for a few seconds I stand there flabbergasted. “… I just wanted to talk to you.” I mutter, still at a loss for words. “There’s nothing to talk about, just go.” she turns away from me to stare out the window by her bed. “You can’t just ignore me forever…” The statement was a stupid one, poorly thought through and obviously hurtful judging by her reaction; when she looks away from the scene outside the window to stare at me, I instantly regret opening my mouth. “Ignoring you? You left me, River. You used me and you didn’t even have the decency to stay the night so don’t talk to me about ignoring you.”

“I didn’t use you…”

“Bullshit.” She huffs at me and stands up before turning back to the window. “I didn’t, Jesus the least you could do is hear me out.” the irritated comment slips and again I instantly regret speaking. Why can’t I just learn to not be a total jackass? “I don’t have to hear you out, I’m tired of you telling me lies. Just leave, River.” She turns to face me using this stern voice I've never heard her use; pointing to the door behind me as she speaks. “I’m not leaving until you let me explain.” I try to sound as stern as her but my voice comes out shaky and unsure. “You didn’t care enough to talk to me after you took my virginity.” She snaps back and by this point I can tell this is going to turn into a heated argument. “It wasn’t like that, you know I care about you. I just…”

She pushes me and I stumble back, startled by the unexpected action. She starts to actually cry now, no longer able to hold back the tears that brimmed at the corners of her eyes. “Shut up! Stop lying to me, you don’t care about me!” she nearly shouts at me, shoving my shoulders again. “I’m not lying to you! Why can’t you just listen to me?” I shout back.

“Why can’t you just leave?” She pushes me towards the door again and carefully I take hold of her hands. “Stop, you’re going to hurt your arm.”

“Let go of me.” She hisses and tries to pull her hands free but for whatever reason I keep my hold. “I just want to make sure your arm’s okay, just hold still.” I grumble, trying to turn her arm over to look at the bandage.

“My arm’s fine. Stop touching me, Let me go.” She growls again and pulls her hands free, moving to smack me but I grab both of her arms again before she can strike my face.

“Ellie, stop….” She balls up her fists and hits my shoulders a few times.

“Let me go, god…” She starts crying again “I fucking hate you.” The sentence catches me off guard and it feels like it would hurt me less if she had punched me. Somehow I still manage to keep my hold and after that sentence she seems to drain herself of the energy to fight. She simply gives up, resting her still balled up fists on my shoulders; clutching onto my shirt. She sniffles a bit in a weak effort to stop from crying. I struggle to find words to comfort her but I can’t manage to speak and good wording escapes me.

Not knowing what else to do, I let go of her arms and reach up to move the hair out of her eyes. She looks up at me, her expression looking so pained it hurts me just to look at her; let alone hear her speak. Before she actually can speak or move away, I move to kiss her. She doesn’t even have enough