Truth of Dark Pasts, Serena Wood [read my book .txt] 📗

keeps catching me off guard, I’m staring right at her, I can see that she’s planning something when she moves closer but somehow I still don’t expect her to kiss me again. I guess that’s understandable because it’s not like I ever expected her to kiss me before, but still, I should pay attention more when she reaches up to caress my cheeks yet again. But I wasn’t paying attention until after she started kissing me and despite how alert I am now, it doesn’t really help my case. I still stand there stupidly, almost like a stone statue.

After a few seconds though, I find that my limbs grow tired of being made of stone. They act on their own will; my feet shuffling closer, my arms moving up, my hands loosely grabbing the little belt loops on her jeans. In the back of my mind I can sense that this isn’t good but my brain starts to go blank and at last I kiss her back. My lips press more firmly to hers and it feels as if I needed it in order to keep myself sane. My hands move up a bit, to grab onto something sturdier than the belt loops; trying in vain to steady my body and all the shaking nerves crashing around. The tips of my fingers come in contact with skin and I vaguely remember the blood stained shirt she’d nearly torn off, trying to escape it like it stung her.

I pull away just enough to look into her eyes, trying to read the expression on her face. There’s something in her eyes, something upset in that sea of darkness but I don’t have time to gauge what it means before she moves to kiss me again. This kiss feels more urgent than the last, making her seem almost impatient. But I don’t really care at the moment, in an odd way I’m kind of just happy to be receiving kisses from anyone, despite the circumstances. I kiss back after the initial shock of her urgency wears off and it seems to earn a positive reaction from her. She starts to move, turning me around to the right with her as if she has a certain destination in mind. It brakes the current kiss and leaves me dazed and a bit confused until she moves to continue the kiss and my mind forgets everything else it was trying to process before.

My feet start moving backwards, once again against my will, and I realize that it’s River’s fault they’re moving; she gently guides me backwards and the silence in my mind finally starts to fill back in with little thoughts.  Where is she taking me? I stop my feet from moving for a minute, trying to gather my thoughts. I pull away from her kiss to speak but of course nothing comes to mind.

I move back just an inch and the back of my legs bump into the bed. It starts to sink in, I know what she’s thinking or at least part of it. And I think about moving away, shoving her out of the room, or maybe out of the house. But before I can really do any of those things, I’m on the bed and she’s hovering over me; suddenly stopping her seems like a stupid idea, trying to tell myself to stop seems equally fruitless. I don’t even know exactly what’s going to happen but I find myself not wanting to stop it, at least for the moment; even though I might regret everything later.

Before I know it she’s kissing me again and instantly thoughts of worry go silent, pretty much all thoughts go silent. Except the ones focused on her. Everything in that field of my mind is on high alert, taking note of her every detail, every move. Her hands trail carefully along my sides, almost like they’re expecting me for damage and they move in patterns that almost seem planned. One hand moves up to my cheek, stopping to run her fingers through my hair briefly as her other hand continues to follow it’s trail along my side. It stops temporarily in it’s path to trace my ribs before moving back down to trace them again underneath my shirt.

My mom always warned me to stop things once they got that far, once they get up your shirt they’ll take it as invitation to go further. I’d never bothered to listen to her before, being as she always talked that way when I never had anyone to worry about things like that with. Except for River that is, right now. But still I don’t seem to have it in me to listen to all of the warnings swimming around in my head and eventually they give up entirely. After a minute she pulls the shirt off, grazing the cuts on my arm and I mumble something involuntarily. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” she moves to kiss my cheek and suddenly those thoughts of worry are replaced with other thoughts. She’s being affectionate… This isn’t River, River hardly ever shows any emotions unless it’s anger. So why is she here right now, like this?

It’s clear at this point that she was never mad at me, or at least she didn’t hate me like I thought. She was just putting up some weird act for what reason I don’t know. But could she be putting up an act now? It doesn’t seem likely, I  know the girl can be conniving when she wants but she’s not this good of an actress. So unless I’m misjudging her acting skills, then the only other reason she would be doing this right now is if she actually has feelings for me. I use to think she wasn’t even capable of those kinds of emotions and it’s not like I would be this one special person to her. So maybe there’s some other hidden agenda that I’m not seeing.

I’m pulled out of my thoughts when I realize her kisses have moved down my neck and along my collarbone. She gets to this sensitive spot somewhere near my sternum and the sensation pulls a surprised “mmpf” out of me. She seems content with the reaction and moves on, further down my body; pausing when she gets to the edge of my bra before deciding to kiss her way back up. She kisses me once one the lips, it’s quick and wavering as if her lips didn’t want to be there. Her movements start to become hasty, unhooking my bra and pulling at the button on my jeans. For a second I wonder why I didn’t get my pajamas, had I been planning on doing something, was I suppose to be going somewhere?

The thought is quickly pushed aside when I realize I’m wriggling out of the jeans. Wait, what are we doing? Something’s not right here, a week ago her friends were beating me up and now she’s pulling my pants off… Did I miss something?

I try to voice the thoughts, only a tiny mumble coming out of me before she moves back up to kiss me again. I forget what I was going to say, only glad that we’re back to firm kisses instead of timid ones, like she was scared of me. “Shhh… I just wanted to…” her explanation trails off and she tries to cover it up by shaking her head and moves to kiss me again. My hands move to unhook her bra after a minute, as if they were just trying to follow her lead instead of mine. At this point, trying to keep my own limbs in control seems like something that would never work out so I let my hands continue to undress her without bothering to resist anymore. It’s not like I really want to resist at this point anyway, even though every thing in the back of my mind screams at me to stop.

I reach to undo her jeans, my hands not as steady as hers were. She lets me pull them off, to my surprise, before taking my hands. She interweaves her fingers with mine and gently puts my hands over my head. She gives me this look before moving to kiss my neck again, releasing my hands but I take it as a silent order to keep them in place. She kisses a trail down again, this time greeted by uncovered skin and if I were in the right state of mind I would have been self conscience enough then to stop her. But I’m not in the right state of mind, I haven’t been for the past hour or so and it’s almost like I let her take advantage of that. For a brief second I wonder if that’s what she’s doing, taking advantage of me. Is that the hidden agenda I hadn’t seen before?

I push the thoughts aside when I feel her tongue start to trace patterns on my skin. A moan leaves my throat without me even realizing at first and she reacts to it with this happy humming sound before moving to hover over me. Her eyes lock onto mine and she stares at me, almost quizzically for a moment. Her eyes seem to fill with emotions I can’t read, this look of temptation starts to unravel onto the features of her face and suddenly her eyes disappear. I sit up to find her curling her fingers around the waistband of my underwear. Before I can even react they’re gone and her lips are on my neck again. I sink back into the surface of the mattress again, startled by how quickly all of that happened. She gets to that sensitive spot on my sternum again, nipping at it and another moan forces it’s way past my lips.

In an instant I suddenly become aware of her hand radiating heat on my inner thigh; scooting closer to where I know it shouldn’t be going. Still I don’t stop her and at this point I honestly don’t know where my mind has gone. My own hands move away from the pillow they were clutching to in order to move to her back. I trace my fingers along the dark skin and for some reason memories flood to me. Memories of being on the beach, or in that goofy kiddy pool mom had bought years ago. She’s in every random memory that suddenly comes to mind and all I can think about is how we use to be when we were small, all innocent and thinking we would be friends forever. Now look at what we’ve become.

A bolt of electricity shoots through my body and in an instant I’m brought back to the real world. My cheeks are damp with tears and I’m gasping, her fingers suddenly right where I’d hopped they wouldn’t go. And then it’s like being drunk, I forget everything else, the room spins and quickly it’s filled with gasps and moans and blurs of movements. And little pleasures that snowball into losing control and before I can stop any of it, I’m hit with this wall of pleasure. My body arches into her, my hands trying to bring her closer, and my legs start shaking.

Gradually the climax ends, leaving me lying there dazed and utterly lost. I come down from the high a few minutes later and find River hovering over me. “Are you okay? You started crying when I… I didn’t hurt you did I?” I stare back at her, unable to find a reply. What just happened? I nudge her away and she moves to my side as I sit up. A minute or two of silence passes and then she seems to get impatient with worry. She scoots closer and gently turns me to face her, “Ellie? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear.”

I look at her in confusion before it clicks, “Wha… no, no, I’m not hurt. Just… surprisingly exhausted now.” I