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I turned to look at her and she had a facial expression that nearly scared the shit out of me. I didn’t answer her.

 

“I know you are, I hear it all the time.” She said folding her arms.

 

“I...I never wanted to…” I said almost stuttering.

 

“But you did.” She said rolling her eyes.

 

“I’m sorry.” I said looking down; it was the only thing I could say.

 

“Why you tellin me sorry? You need to be tellin God, that you’re sorry.” She said slamming the door and cursing to herself.

 

I just felt ashamed and walked slowly down the hall. Shelia just called me again…and again, I declined it. I arrived at Ziggy’s house and rang the doorbell. Ziggy was one of the guys I hung out with when I was younger. He stayed fresh. Nice house, suits, nice cars and all the ladies. He was a drug dealer too, but a classy one. He never brought the stuff openly to his own house and he always kept a low profile. For the safety of his son, Aaric.

 

“To rule with mercy. Is what it means.” His son yelled excitedly at me as I walked in.

 

“Don’t mind him, I told him earlier what it meant cuz he kept askin. Now he keeps yelling it at everybody.” He laughed.

 

“It’s all good, what’s up?” I asked greeting him with a handshake/hug.

 

“Not much bruh, what’s good which ya? How’s life?” He asked leading me to his living room. He sat down on his brown leather lazy boy chair and I sat on the matching sofa.

 

“Life is…difficult at the moment.” I answered looking down.

 

“Aw, You still drinking?” he asked.

 

“Naw man, I quit.” I answered flatly.

 

"Aw yea, cool. When was your last drink?” he asked.

 

“A few hours ago.” I answered sheepishly. He started to laugh and even I cracked a smile on my face.

 

 

“Naw but forreal, all that drinking got me into some major trouble. I don’t think straight when I’m drunk.”

 

“No one really does, only a few people can control their actions when they’re intoxicated. What kind of trouble are you in?” he asked uncrossing his leg and sitting straight up.

 

I looked over at Aaric, who was playing with a plastic toy truck. “How old is he?” I asked still looking at him.

 

“He’s five. Hey Aaric, go in your room and play, me and Daniel need to talk.” Without question or hesitation, Aaric got up with his truck and ran into his room.

 

“He’s a little parrot. If you gon say sum crazy that you wouldn’t tell Jesus, don’t ever say it in front of him.” Ziggy laughed.

 

“Oh yea?” I smiled.

 

“Yep, that boy couldn’t keep a secret if you paid him a million dollars.” We both laughed.

 

“So what’s up Daniel? And where’s my little Secret?” He asked. My smile faded and I looked down.

 

“She’s…in the hospital somewhere…maybe…she’s dead.” His smile faded too and he looked at me with this face I can’t really describe.

 

“W…what you mean?” he asked.

 

“I don’t know man I messed up…I messed up real bad.” I said feeling tears forming in my eyes.

 

“Wait, wait, wait, what did you do to Secret man?” he asked sternly.

 

“I...I’ve been abusing her man. I mean if that’s what people callin it now then yea…I’m abusing her.” I said putting my hands over my face.

 

“So much you put her in the hospital?” he asked.

 

“No…yea…I don’t know.” I said standing up and pacing the floor.

 

“Well, what happened?” he asked standing up too.

 

“Shelia man! The girl I introduced you to when I came back home.” I yelled trying to control my emotions.

 

“I let this bitch convince me to poison her! Damn Lysol in her juice and shit!” He just looked at me like I was crazy. “Man, it’s a long story. I just need some advice.” I said letting the tears spill down my cheeks as I sat back down and put my face in my hands.

 

He didn’t say anything for a moment. “I don’t know man…for the first time…I don’t know, especially being a father myself.”

 

He said looking down before he sat down. This sent chills down my spine because he always knows.

 

“Where’s Sheila now?” he asked softly.

 

“I left her in this hotel somewhere. She keep callin but I didn’t answer.” I said foldin my hands together.

 

“So, you didn't go see her in the hospital yet?” He  asked.

 

“Nah, I'm scared to.”

 

“Think anybody expects you?”

 

“I'm not sure. This man came to my crib yesterday before Sheilah and me left. He picked a fight...beat my ass though.” I said kind of chuckling to my self.

 

“Aw damn man. That explains that slight limp you got goin on..and yo nose does look a lil swollen.” he pointed out laughing. I couldn't help but laugh with him.

 

“The best advice I can give you right now though is to go home…and pray for the best. You made your bed Danny, now you gotta sleep in it.” He said softly trying not to sound cruel.

 

“I know man…” I said softly as I looked at my feet. “But I don't know if I should turn my self in, or just try and make myself right and just be a better person.”

 

“You gon take care of her still?” he asked surprised.

 

“What you tryna say?” I asked with a slight giggle. “Well, shit man, she is in the hospital at this very moment.” He said folding his arms.

 

“Yea..true. But no, I don’t think so, Tamar came back.” I responded.

 

“Damn, for real? How she doin?” he asked.

 

“Great I guess. She cleaned up like magic. Beauty restored and everything. I think she might take Secret with her.” I said sadly.

 

“Well, whatever you do, make sure your heart and your mind agree with your decision completely. You'll confuse yourself a whole lot when they agree to disagree. Remember that.” he said.

 

Secret:

 

I keep hearing noises. What is that? I opened my eyes to catch a nurse fixing up the room. She placed this and that in different areas. She seemed to move so fast. I feel better than I did yesterday. A lot better in fact. I stopped throwing up but my burns still hurt a bit. They’re kinda going away. She pulled the room divider back. I expected to see Elliot there, but he wasn’t. His bed was made neatly and I didn’t see his stuff.

 

“Morning.” The nurse greeted in a drowsy tone as she walked past.

 

“Hi…where’s the boy that was here?” I asked watching her as she raced across the room trying to clean it up.

 

“Boy? What Boy?” she asked speeding across the room like a pinball machine.

 

“The boy that was in here with me, where’d he go?” I asked loosing patience.

 

“Oh, him, he left.” She answered replacing his sheets with fresh ones.

 

“Oh, I didn’t know that.” I said sarcastically. “I meant where did he go?”

 

“He left with a woman.” She answered.

 

“What woman? Was she young or old?” I asked.

 

“Look, I just work here kid, I’m not a detective.” She said walking out of the room and closing the door behind her.

 

Dr. Pollum came in followed by a male nurse.

 

“Morning Secret. Jeff, check her pulse please.” He said as he set the clipboard down and walked towards the window and opened the curtains. Jeff came over and sat down next to me. He took my wrist and started to squeeze it hard.

 

“Ow, that hurts!” I said looking at him with irritation.

 

“I’m sorry, just checking your pulse honey.” He answered dismissing me.

 

“Well I’m breathing aren’t I?” I said snatching my arm away. He looked at Dr. Pollum who just laughed.

 

“You’re a feisty one aren’t you?" He asked me. I didn’t answer.

 

“Yes, she is.” Dr. Pollum answered for me while laughing.

 

“Breakfast will be coming soon.” The nurse said.

 

“What’s today?” I asked.

 

“Friday.” He answered.

 

“Can I have blueberry pancakes?” I asked.

 

“Um, I don’t think they have that today.” The nurse said.

 

“But I have blueberry pancakes every Friday.” I lied. I just had a taste for them.

 

“Well, that’s not healthy enough for you now. Your stomach’s still a bit sensitive.” Dr. Pollum said.

 

“But I feel fine.” I said.

 

“I’m sure you do but I don’t want to take any chances. The lining of your stomach is a bit damaged, nothing serious. Pancakes are a bit too sweet for you at the moment. How about Toast and eggs?” he asked

 

“Can I have salt and butter on them?” I asked.

 

“Afraid not.” He said with a smile.

 

“Then I don’t want it.” I said sitting back with my arms folded.

 

“Well you have to eat something honey, your body needs food. How about Jell-O?” he asked.

 

“100% sugar added?” I asked.

 

“No, sugar free.” He laughed.

 

“Cherry?” I asked.

 

“Orange.”

 

“I don’t want it. I want blueberry pancakes. I have them every Friday.” I said stubbornly.

 

“Oh yea, who makes them for you?” he asked.

 

“Daniel makes them for me…where is he?” I asked softly. Dr. Pollum looked at me but didn’t answer. “Can I call him?” I asked.

 

“Um…no, you need your rest dear. Your breakfast will be here in a moment.” he said quietly as he walked out of the room.

 

His nurse followed behind him. I sat back in my bed and crossed my arms. I’m sick of sitting here. I got out of bed and peeked outside the door. My stomach is a little sore. The nurses’ desk is right there across from my room. But no one is sitting there. I quietly tiptoed over and grabbed the phone. I quickly dialed Daniels number and hid under the desk. It rung three times, but he didn’t answer. So I tried the house phone number. This time he picked up.

 

“Hello?” he asked.

 

He sounded sleep and sober. I didn’t respond to him.

 

“Helloo?” he asked again.

 

I just sat there, I just wanted to hear his voice again. Besides, I didn’t know what to say.

 

“Anybody there?”

 

“Daniel?” I finally said. He was quiet on the other end for a minute.

 

“Secret?” he asked excitedly.

 

I couldn’t help but smile at the thought that he recognizes my voice.

 

“Where are you?” I asked him.

 

"At home. Where are you?" he asked me.

 

"At he hospital." I answered.

 

"You ok?" he asked concerned.

 

"Yea, I’m fine. Can you come get me? I wanna come home." I said feeling like a three year old.

 

There was a brief silence between us before he finally spoke.

 

"I don't think I can do that."

 

"Why not?" I asked curiously.

 

"Because...I just can't baby. I'm happy you're ok though."

 

"Well, can you come see me?" I asked.

 

"That's not really a good idea." he answered quietly. It got quiet again. "Hey look, I'll see you again later, just not now." He said trying to cheer me up.

 

"Oh, well I have to go. I’m not supposed to be on this phone." I said a little disappointed.

 

"Wait, did you see your mom?"

 

"Yeah, how'd you know?" I asked.

 

"She came by earlier."

 

"Oh, well bye. I got to go before I get caught." I said.

 

I started to hang up the phone but Daniels voice boomed through.

 

"Wait!" he said hesitantly. "I love you...I know I never showed it...or said it but... I do, I love you, Secret." and then he hung up the phone.

 

Surprised by his words, I slowly put the phone back on its receiver and snuck back into my room. I laid my head on the pillow and let his 3 words run in, out and all around me. "I love you." he said. Wonder what made him say that.

 

Tamar:

 

I'm kind of excited to see Miguel's studio. When we got there I wasn't really surprised to see the place full of beautiful paintings and drawings.

 

"I like this painting. What kind of paint is this?" I asked holding a big canvas board up with a night sky on it.

 

"It's not paint, its oil on canvas." he replied.

 

"Oh, my bad...still a painting." I said sarcastically. "Too many things to know about art."

 

"Yeah, I know. It's a lot going on with it." he laughed.

 

"Why you like it so much?" I asked.

 

"I can express my feelings this way. Good or bad, it shows through my art." He stated softly.

 

"Oh." was all I said. what else could I say?

 

"what about you?" he asked curiously.

 

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

 

"You always ask about me. What's going on with

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