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all. Neither her facial expression nor her body language moved a muscle. 

 

“Secret, did you hear us? Do you understand?” I asked.

 

“Yes.” Was all she said.

 

“You’ll be able to leave in about an hour.” The Doctor popped in and told her. “I’ll get the discharge papers.” He said to Tamar as he left the room again.

 

My phone rang again. Same number so I just let it ring.

 

“Can I go back to the play room?” Secret asked.

 

“Ask your mother.” I said trying to put Tamar in control a little bit.

 

Tamar looked at me like I was crazy…and so did Secret. There was an awkward silence and heavy tension in the room. My phone rang again. It gave me a perfect excuse to leave; I didn’t really want to stay in there.

 

“I’m going to take this.” I said gratefully.

 

I was trying to leave out but Tamar grabbed my arm secretly and looked at me as if we weren’t going to see each other again. I lightly touched her arm to reassure her. She looked at Secret and then back to me and then let me go. I waited outside the door and answered the phone. Nothing.  I stayed on longer to see if anyone would speak but all I got was a dial tone, so I hung up.

 

A few seconds later Secret walked out the room and walked right past me. She didn’t say anything to me and went on her way. Tamar stood next to me.

 

“How’d it go?” I asked.

 

“It was just an awkward silence. We didn’t speak.” She said softly.

 

“So, you just let her walk out the room?” I asked not surprised. 

 

“Look, she’s been through enough for now, she doesn’t need anyone chastising her.” She said sternly.

 

“You cannot be afraid of her.” I said unfolding my arms and walking away.

 

She followed behind quickly and grabbed my arm to stop me.

 

“I am not afraid of her.” She said forcefully.

 

“Prove it. Go tell her to come back then. You did not give her permission to leave.”  I suggested.

 

“Fine, I will.” She said as she walked off quickly around the corner.

 

She came back a few seconds later….Secret less. 

 

“Well, where is she?” I asked in a mocking tone.

 

“I couldn’t do it.” She said simply.

 

“Right.” I said with a smile.

 

“I’m not scared of her exactly; I’m more afraid of what she’ll say… words hurt.” She explained.

 

At first, I really didn’t have a comment for that, only because she was right.

 

“Secret can be a little aggressive sometimes, but it’s only because she is hurt.”  I tried to tell her.

 

She didn’t reply. She just stared off in space.

 

“I know it’s my fault. Don’t have to rub it in.” she said folding her arms and looking down.

 

      I walked away towards her Secrets room but then stopped in my tracks.

 

"Maybe you should help her get dressed, I'll pack her things." I said softly continuing on my way.

 

I walked inside and there was a nurse inside looking at the files hanging on the wall and writing things down on her clipboard.

 

“Excuse me, senorita, but is it really safe for Secret to leave the hospital?” I asked all of a sudden concerned.

 

She did almost die...and she did only spend one night in the hospital. Just a remarkable miracle I suppose. Thank God.

 

“Absolutely fine. We had to pump out nearly half of her little body.” She laughed jokingly. 

 

She had orangey brown hair and a southern accent. Not too strong, but enough to notice. I just looked at her with an uncomfortable grimace. She saw my disapproval and slowly stopped.

 

“Don’t worry about her hun, she’ll be fine. She’ll maybe throw up a little bit later, but she’s fine.” She said with a smile and walked out of the room.

 

I gathered some of her things the hospital gave her and packed them into a suitcase I had brought from home. She didn’t really have clothes, except the hospital gown and the clothes she wore here. I hope she likes the dress Tamar bought her.

Chapter Five: Bitterness

 

 Tamar:

 

 

I know I have to fix everything. I know I messed up. I know it’s my fault. I know she hates me. But she’s gonna have to work with me. I’m here now and I’m not leaving. I followed her to where she walked and she led me to this play room. There were sick kids playing with toys or each other and some reading. I saw Secret and she wasn’t doing anything. She was sitting on the floor in a corner: Staring into space, like she was thinking or something. I stood by the door and rested my head on the frame. Looking and observing everything. Some of these kids looked really sick, more than they acted. Some of them were very young. I walked in slowly and walked towards Secret. I tried calling her name but she didn’t respond. I sat down on the floor next to her and tapped her. She jumped a little and looked at me.

 

“You ok?” I asked a little concerned.

 

She just looked at me for a minute and nodded her head. I didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

 

“Well, it’s almost time to go home.” I said softly.

 

“Home..?” she asked. It was really low, like a murmur, and seemed like she was asking herself more than she was asking me.

 

“Yes baby…home.” I repeated. “You have to stay with me. I can take care of you now…at least better than I ever could.” I hung my head with slight shame and confidence. She didn’t respond to me. “You ready?”

 

She nodded her head. I stood up and reached my hand out to her. After a few seconds of staring at it, she stood up but didn’t take my hand. But she let me place my hands on her shoulders and walk back to her room. Miguel had just finished putting her things in the suitcase he had brought from home. I looked in the plastic bag for the new shirt and jeans I bought her.

 

“Here, sweetie, go and change in the bathroom.” I said handing her the clothes. She took them reluctantly, but gratefully and sniffed them, before going into the bathroom.

 

“Well, that went well.” Miguel smiled proudly.

 

I smiled back but I didn’t say anything. The doctor came in with the release papers and Miguel took them to sign.

 

“Mr., Rodriguez, the parent has to sign them.” Miguel looked up at him and then to me before handing me the papers.

 

“Parent has to sign.” He repeated staring at me.

 

I almost snatched them and smiled. After I signed it, I gave them back to the doctor.

 

“Great, all good to go!” He smiled. He shook both our hands and told me “Good luck.” I smiled faintly and nodded.

 

“Thanks.”

 

He left the room and there was an awkward silence. Then Miguel broke it.

 

“So, where are you going to stay?” he asked eagerly.

 

“Well, I’ll wait a few days before going back home.” I answered.

 

“We might stay in a motel.”

 

“You could stay with me.” He offered genuinely. “Miguel we can’t. You said till Secret got out.” I explained while fixing and straightening up the room nervously.

 

“Besides, she doesn’t know about you. You know how strange it would be to her if she and her mother stayed with the teacher?” I asked finding a good argument to turn him down.

 

“Oh, yea you’re right.” He said disappointedly.

 

“So…when do you plan on telling her?” he asked.

 

“I…I don’t know Miguel...I honestly don’t.” I answered softly.

 

When I looked up at him, he looked heartbroken.

 

“Well, how do you think we should tell her?” I asked.

 

“I don’t know yet, but Tamar I can’t just sit in the background.” I didn’t respond. “I want to be there for her.”

 

“So do I.” I said looking at him. He didn't respond and there was a briefe silence. “How about Christmas?” I asked in a low voice.

 

He looked up as if he were thinking about it. “Great.” He smiled.

 

I smiled back and stepped away quickly. I didn’t want to end up kissing him.

 

Secret finally emerged from the bathroom and just looked at us.

 

“Hey, I was um just talking to your mother.” He said slickly. There was another awkward silence.

 

“You ready?” I asked her. She just looked at me and then nodded her head slowly.

 

“Where’s your coat?” I asked.

 

“It’s at home.” She said softly.

 

“Home?” I repeated to myself.

 

“She didn’t have her coat with her when she came to school.” Miguel answered.

 

“Oh…” was all I said while looking at her.

 

Who was going to get Secret’s stuff from home? What if Daniel and that girl were still there? I took my coat off and gently put it on Secret. She didn’t push me away, she just kept looking at me. It was like she was looking for something in my eyes. Miguel grabbed her bag and walked out behind us to the parking lot. The cold air brushed my face harshly as the wind zipped past like it was trying to win an neverending race.

 

Miguel popped his trunk and placed the bag in as I helped Secret settle in the car. Her stomach is still sore, so it hurts for her to lift up or bend. Her doctor said that any kind of pressure on her stomach isn’t good for her. She winced as I tried helping her get in his truck. We drove to the nearest hotel that we could find. I went inside first and paid for at least three days. Miguel tried to give me money before I got out, but I refused. The man at the counter wore a raggedy wife beater with yellowy brown sweat stains under his arms that showcased his big round belly. He looked to be in his late forties, and he was badly in need for a shave. All the hair on his body was grey and black.

 

“That’ll be 120.” He said flatly. I handed him the money and went upstairs to check out the room.

 

I opened the door and looked around. It had a small coffee table and two beds. There was a TV and a small bathroom. An air conditioner was on the wall and a small window overlooking the parking lot.

 

“I guess it’ll do…” I said out loud to myself.

 

I went back downstairs and ran into the man from the counter. We just looked at eachother for a minute before I hurriedly walked past him. Miguel had gotten out of the car already and took Secret’s bag out of the trunk.

 

“I’ll bring your suitcase and things back tonight.” He said to me in a whisper so Secret wouldn’t hear.

 

I nodded and went around to help Secret get out of the car. She was sound asleep. I tried my best to gently pick her up so I wouldn't hurt her, but I think I did anyway. She moaned painfully when I put her in my arms.

 

“She ok?” Miguel asked.

 

“Yes, I got her.” I replied.

 

I lead Miguel inside the hotel and up to our room. The man at the counter was staring at us as we disappeared around the corner and up the stairs.

 

“Why the hell is he looking at us?” Miguel whispered.

 

“I don't know, ignore it.” I whispered back. We got in front of our room, 2A, and I softly kicked the door I had left ajar, open.

 

“Well, I don't like him.” Miguel said softly as he set the suitcase against the door.

 

“Well,

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